


Don't Be Surprised if I Love You For All That You Are

by rach0726



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Biting kink (is that a thing?), Blow Jobs, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky's a sci-fi tv nerd, Captain America Steve, Daddy Kink, Dom Steve Rogers, Dom/sub, Hand Jobs, M/M, Modern Bucky, Praise Kink, Shrunkyclunks, Slow Build, Sub Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, bucky has anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-09 16:29:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 54,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7808968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rach0726/pseuds/rach0726
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's pretty sure he's screwed.  He's got twenty four hours to come up with something new to say about Captain America and it's not happening... well not until Captain America himself decides to step in and save Bucky in more ways than one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is almost complete which is why I decided to post it. I want to thank [absolutbex](absolutbex.tumblr.com) for the beta. And a very big thank you to [frostbitebakery](frostbitebakery.tuimblr.com) for all of the encouragement. I'm not sure this would have happened otherwise.

Bucky Barnes is screwed, beyond screwed really.  He's got his final project due in twenty-four hours and he has no idea how he’s going to get it done.  If his professor wasn’t such a hard ass Bucky thinks he’d have had it done months ago.  He isn’t sure if his professor thinks he picked his subject because he thought it’d be easy, or if he just hates him.  Either way he’s got about a day to write a twenty-page paper on Captain America and make it not sound like a rough draft.  But it has to be “something new”; whatever that means. He sighs in frustration and decides another green tea frap is in order. 

 

Bucky’s in line when he notices the blonde at the other end of the counter.  He’s tall and broad shouldered.  Just the type of guy Bucky would make a play for and strike up a conversation with if he had the time.  Which of course today he doesn’t.  So Bucky puts his order in and goes back to his table.  He keeps an eye on the bar, telling himself it’s just so he can make sure one of the baristas doesn’t have to bring him his drink.  Yet he finds his eyes straying to the blonde waiting by the window.

 

“I’ve got a green tea frap for Bucky and an iced coffee for Steve,” when the blonde moves to take his coffee Bucky freezes in his spot.

 

Steve is none other than Steve Rogers, Captain America himself.  Bucky takes a deep breath and heads over to grab his frap.  He notes Steve is still sitting at the counter by the window reading on his Stark Pad.  All he has to do is strike up a conversation.  Steve gets up and heads for the condiment bar.  While Bucky stands there with a stupid look on his face.

 

“Earth to Bucky.  James Buchanan Barnes snap out of it,” his sister Becca says.  Having her work at his favorite Starbucks is both a blessing and a curse sometimes.

 

“Huh.  Sorry Becca.  Thanks for my drink.”

 

“Leave him be.  He comes in here cause none of us bug him.”

 

“Wasn’t planning on it, squirt.  I promise,” Bucky says with a wink. 

 

“Buck, I’m working.  Go away,” Becca says fondly.

 

“Love you too,” Bucky says with a chuckle heading back to his table.

 

“Heya Buck,” one of his classmates says.

 

“Hi Brock,” Bucky says with an exasperated sigh.  He hopes that Brock’s going to not say anymore given that he’s standing at the condiment bar with Steve.

 

“You get that paper on Captain America finished yet?”

 

“No.  Working on it now,” Bucky says, mouthing an _I hate you_ to Brock.

 

“It’s due tomorrow morning. Pierce’s gonna have your hide if it seems like you did it last minute.”

 

“I’m aware.  So you better let me get back to it.”

 

“You come up with anything to write it on yet?”

 

“Yes actually.  I’m going to write about how he must hate having jack asses like you call attention to him when he wants nothing more than to be left alone.”

 

“Oh… uh…. Fuck man I’m sorry,” Brock says turning to where Steve’s still standing watching the whole thing with a bemused smile on his face.

 

Steve doesn’t say anything just nods to them and then heads back to his seat.  Bucky notices though that Becca looks like she wants to kill the both of them.  Brock does too and hightails it out of there.  Bucky, because he knows it’ll go a long way with his baby sister, but more because it’s the right thing to do, goes over to where Steve’s once again engrossed in whatever he’s reading on his Stark pad.  He clears his throat to get Steve’s attention.  Once he has it though Bucky can’t seem to form words and just stares at him.  Then suddenly he’s getting a wet rag thrown at him and it snaps him out of it.

 

“What my brother had better have been coming over to do is apologize.  But he is now going to go work on his paper so he can actually get out of grad school and finally move out so I can have his room.  Get lost big brother,” Steve lets out a laugh.  Bucky hears him tell Becca there was no harm done.

 

Bucky’s got almost a page written when he hears the chair across from him get pulled out.  He’s still busy with his train of thought so he ignores the person sitting across from him.  It’s probably Becca anyway.  He’s surprised when he hears them clear their throat.  He looks up to find Steve.

 

“Becca’s not wrong.  I do come here because everyone leaves me alone.  Or if they don’t it’s because I’ve put myself in the conversation.  But she talks a lot about you.  Goes on and on really when you’re not around.  So I feel like I sort of know you.  Okay that was a lot less creepy sounding in my head.  What I’m trying to say is… you’ve got this paper to write on me.  And if I understood your friend right it’s got to be something new.  So what do you say we just sit here and chat for a while?”

 

Bucky knows Steve’s just being nice.  But it almost seems like he’s flirting a bit.  If Bucky’s honest with himself, if Steve was, he wouldn’t be opposed.  He's had a thing for Steve Rogers since he was fourteen and knew he was gay.  Bucky shakes his head to clear the thought out of his head afraid he’ll say as much.

 

“You sure you don’t have anything better to do?”

 

“Positive.  Unless aliens decide to attack I planned on hanging out here most of the morning.”  Bucky chuckles softly at that.

 

They talk baseball at first and Bucky picks his brain about the Dodgers games he used to go to.  The conversation flows easily from there.  By noon Bucky’s got a ton of ideas in his head and he’s even mapped out a few on his laptop.  He assumes that Steve’s going to say he’s got to run when Becca comes over to say her shift is over.

 

“He’s not bothering you is he Steve?”

 

“Actually, Becca I’m the one who bugged him.”

 

“Why would you want to do that?”

 

“Squirt do you mind, we’re in the middle of a conversation here.  Tell Ma I’ll call about dinner.”

 

“Fine,” Becca says with an over exaggerated sigh.

 

“Sorry about that,” Bucky says once she’s gone.

 

“It’s all right.  You sure I’m not bothering you?  Twenty pages is a lot and you’re now down to eighteen hours.  I’d hate for you to have to pull an all-nighter because of me.”

 

“Here,” Bucky says turning his laptop around so it’s facing Steve.

 

Steve reads what’s on the screen and has to admit Bucky’s got a great style.  He’s even impressed by some of the observations Bucky’s made.  He finishes it with a smile on his face.  Bucky’s gotten it more right than he knows. 

 

“Wow.  You got all that from a couple hours of conversation.  I’m impressed.”

 

“You okay with me turning this in?”

 

“More than.  How would you like to grab a real lunch somewhere?  Continue our conversation?”

 

“You don’t have to do that.  I’ve got enough here to flesh it out and get my full paper.”

 

“What if I wanted to?”

 

“Uh.” 

 

Bucky’s not sure what to say.  He can’t believe Steve Rogers would want to spend even more of an afternoon with him.  He’s nothing but a grad student who’s quickly realized his masters isn’t going to do anything for him unless he moves to Washington to curate the Captain America exhibit.  And he’s fairly sure he’s too young to do that. Plus, his annoying little sister would probably kick his ass if he said yes.  Then there’s the fact he can’t stop staring at Steve’s smile and oh god he’s pretty sure he’s fallen in love with him in the matter of few hours.  And oh great this is yet another time he has horrible taste in men because he’s…. Why is Steve suddenly holding his hand?

 

“Oh shit.  Fuck.  I’ve got to…,” Steve squeezes his hand.

 

“Bucky relax.  Breathe.”

 

“I just said… out loud….”

 

“You did.  But it’s fine really.  It’s nice actually.  Other than Peggy no one’s really given _me_ the time of day.  Oh they all want to give Captain America the time of day; but if I don’t have the shield with me no one really cares what I have to say.  It’s as if I took that serum and Steve Rogers ceased to exist.  Most of the time I’m fine with it.  But it can give a guy a bit of a complex. 

 

“But you haven’t brought it up at all, my being Captain America I mean.  We’ve talked about my life before the serum.  We talked about you growing up.  But you’ve kept my being Captain America out of it.  And I knew you had no idea you were doing it.  But then I read your paper and you still did it.  And if you did ask about Captain America it was in the context of how it must have felt for me. How I felt having to be the poster boy.  And how it must have sucked not being able to go out and just fight.  How I must have been scared out of my mind to just go and rescue the Commandos.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.”

 

Bucky is once again rendered speechless.  He smiles shyly over at Steve for a second then looks back down at their still joined hands.  He notes Steve’s started running his thumb across Bucky’s knuckles. It feels really nice. 

 

“So what do you say, let me take you to lunch?”  Steve asks quietly.

 

“I’d like that.”

 

They end up going to Coney Island of all places.  Bucky would tease him but Steve starts sharing memories about the different rides.  They ride the Cyclone and Steve tells him about how he never used to be able to without getting sick.  They ride the merry-go-round “for old times’ sake” Steve says.  When they reach the top of the Ferris Wheel Steve kisses Bucky softly.  When they pull away Steve apologizes profusely until Bucky leans over and kisses him just as chastely. 

 

Bucky doesn’t want the day to end.  He knows he has class in the morning, but that’s a quick ten minutes to hand his paper in tops.  And he’s got his paper to finish; but he still doesn’t want the day to end.  It’s been perfect.  When he says as much to Steve, the man asks him to dinner.  Bucky whips out his cell phone and calls his mother explaining he’s going to a friends for the night and to not wait up.  He hangs up before Becca, who he can hear demanding to talk to him, can grab the phone from their mother.

 

They walk through the city continuing their talk.  Every now and then Steve will point out an alley to Bucky.  Tell him about some fight he got in and let Bucky gape at him.  Bucky tells him he always thought it was the serum that made him the fighter he was.  Steve shakes his head no.

 

“That was all me.  I was always getting into fights I couldn’t win.  Shouldn’t have been able to win.  Yet somehow I would.  People in the neighborhood couldn’t understand it.  Used to drive Mama crazy with worry.  What with me being sick all the time and getting into fights when I should have been home resting.”

Steve takes him to an old movie theater.  It hasn’t been operational in years, decades, really.  Bucky’s about to ask why when Steve explains he’d been to see a movie the day of the expo; and had gotten into a fight in the alley behind it.  The guy took off when one of the neighborhood boys came to see what the commotion was about.  He’d chased off the larger boy and dropped the flier about the expo.  Steve had decided to go on a whim. 

 

“Are you telling me there might have been someone else as…”

 

“Captain America, I don’t know.  I like to think it was meant to be.  That one way or another I would have ended up in the right place at the right time.  Not like I was supposed to be the only one anyway,” Steve says getting quieter as he finishes.

 

“I shouldn’t have asked that.  I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m fine.  Honestly.  You hungry?”

 

“Not really.  Besides I’m having too much fun to go sit in a restaurant.”

 

“This really is the end of the tour I’m afraid.  They built buildings on the grounds where the expo was.”

 

“Can I ask you something?  And know up front you don’t have to answer it.”

 

“Sure, go ahead.”  


“All the articles, the interviews you did after they found you… you never mention how it felt for you.  You talk about the changes sure.  Talk about what it was like meeting the Avengers but you don’t really talk about you.”

 

“No one cares what it felt like.  So I tell them what they do want to know.  What it was like for me to find out we’d won the war.  What it’s like to have real food. Things like that.  That’s what they care about.”

 

“How did it feel?”  Bucky asks and Steve’s thrown for a bit of a loop.  He seems like he really wants to know.

 

Steve wonders if he knows what day it is and that’s why he’s asking.  But then Bucky’s looking away as if he thinks he’s overstepped.  Steve’s pretty sure he has no idea.  So he takes a deep breath and puts his game face on.  Then he tells Bucky things he’s refused to tell anyone, even the therapists.

 

“It was weird at first.  And overwhelming.  Here I am running through the streets of New York in bare feet and it’s one shock to the system after another.  Even after Nick explained things it didn’t help.  Not that I had much time to process it all.  I didn’t.  Then there was the doubt.  You know when I first met Tony Stark he told me everything special about me came from a bottle.  So here we were fighting Loki and aliens and I’m trying to prove myself to all of them.  When I shouldn’t have to.  They all knew my record.  Didn’t matter, they’d also been in the room when he’d said it.  He’s since apologized, but every now and then I still feel like I’m not living up to what they think I should be.

 

“The loneliness came after New York.  I moved to Washington for a while, did you know… of course you did, sorry.  Anyway, it was a bad fit from the start.  Peggy… she has some good days.  Mostly though, she’s out of it.  It’s really tough.  I don’t know how her family does it. The only good thing to come from my time there was meeting Sam.   I was miserable for most of my time in Washington.  I thought not being in Brooklyn would be better.  I was wrong.  Here I feel more at peace than I ever have.  It really is home.  You know it’s odd, I’ve been out of the ice for five years and I’m still not okay.   I hate the winters.  Not that that’s new.  There are days I wonder why I’m back.  Why they bothered.; and then I realize I’m still…. Oh god listen to me ramble.  I’m sorry.”

 

“You can vent all you want.  I promise this won’t go into my paper.”

 

“Buck, you don’t want to hear about my issues.  Come on, I’m starving,” Steve says changing the subject.  Bucky lets it drop.

 

They go to dinner and the conversation flows like it has the whole day.  Steve asks Bucky about himself.  He tells him about being the oldest of four.  How Becca’s the youngest so he feels like he has to look out for her more.  He tells him about his Mom and how she’s a nurse and works nights.  Steve asks about his dad and Bucky gets quiet.

 

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

 

“He died when I was six.  Some asshole driving drunk one night ran a red light into the crosswalk.  Hit him.  Ma saw the whole thing.  She was across the street with me waiting.  She doesn’t know it, but I turned back and looked.  She told me not to.  I kept willing him to get up.  Never happened.”

 

“Oh, Bucky, I’m sorry.”

 

Bucky doesn’t say anything.  He can’t believe he told Steve that.  He’s never told anyone that.  Not his counselors at school.  Not the shrink his aunt made him go to because his anxiety manifested shortly after his father died.  He’s never told a living person.  Oh he’s told his father’s gravestone.  But that was it.  He takes a sip of his whiskey trying to control his emotions.  Then he realizes he must have said it all out loud because Steve’s started rubbing his thumb over his hand.

 

“I have got to stop doing that,” Bucky says into his whiskey.

 

“I like that you do it.  To make you feel better it’s the same for me.  I’ve told you things I haven’t told anyone either.  And they’ve asked me.  Everyone used to ask me about the ice.  Everyone used to ask me what it felt like waking up seventy years later.  But like I said no one really cared about the answer.  But you… you actually listened.  And I can tell it’s because you want to know how I felt.”

 

“I do.  It’s not just because of the paper.  It’s not just because…”

 

“Of the crush.  You can say it.  I’m flattered really,” Bucky smiles shyly.

 

“Take me dancing.  They have swing night tonight at the club over on St Nicholas Ave,” Bucky blurts out.  He wants the night to never end.  Doesn’t care that he has things to do in the morning. 

 

“Buck, I can’t…. I’ve got... “

 

“I know you can’t dance.  I don’t care.  I just… I don’t want tonight to end.  And I know that makes me sound…. Like a teenage girl.  Blame it on having to watch a ton of Disney movies as a kid because I was the only boy.”

 

“We’d call it being a sap in my day.”

 

“That sounds much better.  Let’s call it that.  Please Steve.  We can sit and watch everyone dance from the bar if you want,” Bucky says.  He knows he’s begging.  Knows he’s whining a bit too.  But he really wants to do this.

 

“All right.  Wait, can we get in dressed like this?”  Steve asks.  They’re both in jeans and t-shirts.

 

“We can try.”

 

They do try.  Steve being Captain America is what gets them in.  They sit in a seat in the corner.  They talk as much as they can but it’s hard to hear each other.  To Bucky’s surprise Steve pulls him out onto the floor for a dance when _Moonlight Serenade_ comes on.  Bucky makes note to remember to download it once he’s home.  They leave shortly after their dance.  People have started to recognize Steve.  And while he swears to Bucky it doesn’t matter to him, Bucky can tell he’s uncomfortable.  That puts Bucky on edge, which of course Steve senses.  Bucky pulls his hand away when Steve tries to hold it. 

 

“Buck, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.  Look it’s late I gotta get home.  I have to turn my paper in at the crack of dawn tomorrow.  And it’s not really finished,” Bucky says quickly, hoping Steve won’t pick up on the fact he’s upset.   All the while moving away from Steve.

 

“Bucky,” Steve says quietly.  Steve doesn’t say any more than his name.  Doesn’t have to.  That’s all it takes for Bucky to hang his head in defeat.

 

“Wait.  You think…. You think I’m not….  You think I care…”  Steve doesn’t finish any of his thoughts and after the last one Bucky realizes he’s been moving the whole time.  Because suddenly Steve’s in front of him.

 

“I don’t care if every headline in America is that I’m gay.  I don’t care if every news outlet says I shouldn’t be Captain America because I’m gay.  Tony will take care of that.  I wanted to leave because I like that with you I can just be Steve Rogers from Brooklyn.  I like that you see past it all to me.  The real me.  The part of me that’s still that scrawny kid from Brooklyn girls wouldn’t give the time of day to.  The one who wouldn’t back down from a fight.  And you like him as much as you like the me I am after the serum.  Look I know I’m not making any….”  Bucky cuts him off by crushing his mouth to Steve’s.

 

“Shut up, punk,” Bucky’s not even sure where that came from but the chuckle Steve gives him while also going in for another kiss makes it worth it.

 

“Come home with me,” Steve says when they part.

 

“I wasn’t lying about having to get my paper in tomorrow morning.  And as nice as today’s been I’m not one to put out on a first date.”

 

“I… uh…. I didn’t…. I don’t….”  Bucky kisses him again, softly.

 

“Breathe Steve.”

 

“We don’t…”  Bucky kisses him then leads him towards the subway.

 

“You know we don’t have to do anything, right?”

 

“I gathered as much with the way you started sputtering all over yourself,” Bucky teases.

 

“Jerk,” Steve says wrapping his arm around Bucky.

 

“Steve?”  Bucky asks as they get on the subway.

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“This wasn’t just a one-time thing was it?”

 

“Bucky,” Steve says his name the same way he did outside the club and Bucky melts a little.

 

“Sorry I know you just asked me to go home with you.  And you’re not exactly like other guys.  Which by the way is one of the things I really like about you.  Can we just forget I asked?”

 

“Nope.  I was gonna ask you to breakfast tomorrow at the diner by the campus.  Look I don’t want tonight to end any more than you do.  But I know Becca knows we were together earlier.  And I’m sure she probably mentioned it to your mom.  So I was thinking I could meet you after you hand in your paper and we could have breakfast.”

 

“I’d really like that,” Bucky says kissing him.

 

Bucky gets off at the next stop and is surprised when Steve follows him.  They laugh at the fact that they live a block away from each other.  Then Bucky realizes he’s seen Steve out running a lot when he’d leave in the morning.  Steve realizes he’s seen Bucky sitting in the park a few times studying over the years since he’s been out of the ice.

 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow at the diner?”

 

“Yeah. Can’t wait,” Bucky says with a smile.

 

“See you then,” Steve says kissing him softly.

 

Steve’s been home all of ten minutes and is just about to climb into bed when there’s a knock at his door.  He peeks through the peephole and is surprised to find Bucky, but he opens the door all the same.  Bucky kisses him as he passes.

 

“I just realized what today is.  And once I did, I realized you might have actually asked me back here because you didn’t want to be alone and not because you wanted to get into my pants.  And Ma kinda figured out where I’d been all day.  She asked how my day was.  I told her everything, because that’s what I do for the most part.  I was telling her when I realized today was the day you woke up.   So, I packed a bag and here I am.”

 

“You didn’t have to do that.  Not like I wasn’t alone when I was in the ice.”

 

“Steve, it’s not the same thing.  I’m sorry I didn’t pick up on it when we were talking before.  I would have just had you come home with me first then come back here.  When you think about it you know it really hasn’t been that long.  Don’t the… no you know what we’ve known each other all of a day.  It’s not my place to ask.”

 

“You’re wondering why the rest of the Avengers haven’t checked in?”

 

“Damn right I am.  I’ve seen you around with Black Widow and that Falcon guy.  Where the hell are they today of all days,” Bucky isn’t sure where this anger’s coming from; and for his part Steve seems a little taken aback by it.

 

“Sorry.  I can be a little bit overly protective of people I care about,” Steve smiles at that.

 

“They’ve texted throughout the day.  I’ve ignored them.  When you knocked I thought you were going to be one of them.  Or Tony even.  He doesn’t really like being ignored.  I just don’t want to see the looks they get.  I’m fine usually.  I was on my own before I went into the ice.”

 

“What about Agent Carter?  Weren’t you two a couple?”

 

“We kissed right before and that was about it.  I mean she… you’ve seen the interviews.    But being in love with someone because there’s a war on and being in love with the person they are once they’re home.  It might not be the same.  But like I said earlier.  She made a point to get to know before the serum so who knows,” Steve looks away; and Bucky feels awful.  He didn’t mean to upset him.

 

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have asked that.”

 

“It’s fine.  I’m fine.  Really.  You can go if you want.”

 

“Steve, I wouldn’t be here with a bag if I was just going to leave half an hour after I got here.  What can I do?”

 

“That’s just it Bucky.  There’s nothing you can do.  Honestly, just go home.”

 

Before Bucky can say anything Steve’s gone into his room and closed the door.  Bucky knows he should go, but he can’t bring himself to.  He doesn’t want to leave Steve alone tonight of all nights.  So instead he boots up his laptop and finishes his paper.  He notices Steve has a printer, so luckily he’ll be able to get it in on time tomorrow morning.

 

Steve gets up at midnight and pads out into the living room.   He finds Bucky asleep at his desk, laptop open and hooked to his printer.    He gets a strange feeling inside at the sight.  He realizes it’s the same feeling he had when Peggy was on the radio.  He gasps softly at the realization and it must be louder than he meant for it to be because Bucky stirs.

 

“Hi,” Bucky says looking anywhere but Steve.

 

“You stayed,” Steve says wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck from behind.

 

“I did.  I meant what I said I didn’t want you to be alone.  And I know there’s nothing I can do, but I didn’t know how else to ask.  I’m sorry.” 

 

“Is it finished?”  Steve says before kissing the back of his neck.

 

“Yeah.  I’m hoping it’s cleaned up enough that my professor won’t realize I wrote it in a day.  He tends to frown upon that.  And his pet Brock ran into me so he knows.  Which means Pierce is gonna know.  And fuck I’m gonna have to repeat the course again.  I had all fucking semester what was I…”

 

“Bucky… breathe.  Come sit with me on the couch for a bit.  Just breathe.  You’re gonna be fine.  Becca will get to have your room.  It’ll be fine.”

 

“No it won’t Steve.  Pierce hates me.  He thinks I took the easy way out.  Everyone else in class picked harder topics.  And I just picked you.  I am such an idiot.  I knew how he was.  I knew he’d get pissed I didn’t pick Zola or Schmidt and write them as I don’t even know… misunderstood good guys.  I mean Brock’s doing his thesis on how Howard Stark and Zola were essentially after the same thing.  It’s going to be shit because Brock’s writing it and he probably wrote it Monday but Pierce’ll give him an A because they’re screwing.  Not that any of us are supposed to know it.  Fuck.” 

 

Bucky knows he’s getting hysterical.  Knows Steve probably thinks he’s crazy. He can’t help it.  His entire future is riding on this.  He’s been saving since he was five years old to open a Steve Rogers museum here in Brooklyn.  He wanted the inner city families a place they could go.  Because even at the age of five Bucky knew that there are poor kids out there who idolize Steve as much as he does.  He’s always thought doing it would make Steve proud in some way.  And while he never understood why that was important to him when he was younger he gets it now.  He needs his masters though to make it a reality. 

 

“Buck….”  Steve kisses him softly.

 

“You know Tony would help with that,” Steve continues when he pulls away.

 

“Oh me and my big fucking mouth.  Shit I did it again.”

 

“It really is one of your more endearing qualities,” Steve says kissing him again.

 

“I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to have a melt down on you like this,” Steve doesn’t respond just takes Bucky in his arms then stretches out on the couch.  Bucky rests his head on Steve’s chest and lets out a little moan when Steve starts to play with his hair.

 

“Sorry,” Steve says moving his hands away.

 

“Feels nice.  More?”

 

“Sure.  Can we back up for a second?  How the hell were Howard and Zola after the same thing?”

 

“That’s what you got from my meltdown?”

 

“No, but there’s a grant Tony’s giving to your class I didn’t realize it until you mentioned your professor.  I want to make sure it goes to the right student.”

 

“Steve.  Don’t.  I’ve got enough saved to show the bank I’m serious.  That this isn’t a whim.  I don’t need that grant.  Would it be nice, of course.  But I won’t get it.  Pierce will make sure of that.”

 

“He’s not Captain America.  And he didn’t know Howard.  Oh and he doesn’t have Tony on speed dial.  So come on answer the question.” 

                                                                                     

“According to Brock Howard and Zola both wanted to make the world a better place.  Just their methods were different.  It’s not a bad thesis.  Sharon’s doing hers on Peggy.  And she has a shot at the grant because she’s Peggy’s niece and apparently is doing hers on how Peggy was this inspirational figure to women since before the war.  And then there’s me.  Who again is doing his thesis on Captain America because he couldn’t come up with something more exciting.”

 

“No you aren’t.”

 

“Yes, Steve I am.  Or did you miss the point of today.”

 

“I didn’t, but you obviously did.  Buck, you’re doing it on me.  You’re doing it on how that scrawny kid from Brooklyn kept his promise to Doctor Erskine and stayed a good man, all the while being the perfect soldier,” Bucky’s out of Steve’s arms so fast Steve’s afraid he’s said something wrong.

 

Bucky grabs his laptop and is typing furiously for a few seconds.  When he’s finished he tells Steve to take the computer into his bedroom and read the whole thing.  He also tells him to be honest with him when he’s done.  Steve does as Bucky asks but not before giving him a kiss.  He paces the living room the whole time Steve is in the other room.  When he comes out Steve puts the laptop down and kisses Bucky.  The kiss isn’t like any others they’ve shared.  It’s filled with something Bucky’s afraid to define.  When they part, Steve rests his forehead against his and smiles. 

 

“It’s perfect.  Don’t change a single word.  In fact, come on.  You can sleep in the bedroom.  I’ll take the couch.”

 

“Steve, you…. I read that interview you did after you came out of the ice.  The one where you….  Sorry.  I don’t mind….”  Steve kisses him again.

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

“Why did you wake up tonight?”

 

“Never fell asleep.  Tried.  Kept seeing myself in the plane.  So you take the bed.  I’m not going to get any sleep tonight.”

 

“What if we laid on the couch like we were a bit ago.  Could you sleep then?”

 

“I don’t…. You sure?  I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

 

“I won’t.  And besides I already told you I don’t want you to be alone tonight.”

 

“All right.  I’m up pretty early.”

 

“It’s fine.  I’ve got to print out my paper anyway.  Wait, are your neighbors going to mind the printer going so early in the morning?”

 

“Tony sound proofed the place.  Something about me seeming like the type who would be a screamer whatever that means,” Bucky doubles over in laughter at that. 

 

“God he really loves to live up to the jackass label doesn’t he.  We’ll have to test his theory eventually.”

 

“He…  meant sex didn’t he?  I’m going to kill him.  No, I’m going to have Pepper kill him,” Steve says as they settle on the couch.

 

Steve is surprised when he wakes up at four to Bucky snuggling in more.  He doesn’t remember falling asleep.  He lets himself enjoy this a little longer, running his fingers through Bucky’s long hair.  The feeling’s back again.  The one he had before he crashed the plane with Peggy.  He’s not so afraid of it now though.   Bucky stirs slightly again but stays asleep.  He grabs his phone and texts Sam he’s not going for a run.  He assures him he’s fine when Sam expresses concern.  Steve thinks that the end of it but his phone rings seconds later and it turns out to be everyone.

 

“Did the Capsicle get lucky last night?”  Tony asks.

 

“Tony.  Shut it,” that’s Clint.

 

“Seriously though, Steve are you all right?”  Nat asks.

 

“Yeah I’m fine.  Really.  I might have met someone.  And he might be curled up on me.  So I was gonna skip my run today.  Tony, we need to talk about the grant.”

 

“Sounds serious.”

 

“It is.  How much sway are you giving the professor?”

 

“You mean in deciding who gets it?  None.  I’ve been doing this long enough I know how Alexander Pierce is.  He plays favorites.  I’ve read most of the rough drafts.  Which with the exception of the one on Peggy were bad.”

 

“Steve.  You…  I knew I should have made you promise me.”

 

“Wait he’s in grad school.  Your boy toy is in grad school?  You cradle robber you,” that sets Tony off into a complete laughing fit.

 

“Now who’s playing favorites?”  Tony asks once he’s calmed.  Bucky responds before Steve can say anything.

 

“Sharon should get it.  He’s right her paper is way better than mine.  And you haven’t read hers so you don’t get to say it’s not.  Besides you’re extremely biased.”

 

“Did you put us on speaker phone?”  Nat asks.

 

“Had to,” Steve says as he runs his fingers down Bucky’s back.  He hears Sam say to someone this is the most relaxed he’s heard Steve in the entire time he’s known him.

 

“What time is it?”  Bucky asks sleepily.

 

“Four thirty.  I was going to get you up by six.  Go back to sleep.”

 

“You got even less sleep than me.  And while I’m sure you’re all concerned he’s told you he’s fine.  But he didn’t get much sleep so he’s hanging up now and trying the sleep thing some more.”

 

“Oh I like this kid.  He doesn’t let Cap pull any of his shit,” Sam says.  Steve can practically hear Nat’s agreeing nod through the phone.  He rolls his eyes, which of course Bucky catches.

 

“Do I want to know?”  He says it more to Steve than anyone else and is surprised when one of the Avengers answers.  He can’t tell if it’s Hawkeye or Bruce Banner.  Though he’s leaning more towards Hawkeye.

 

“If he tells you he’s fine.  He’s more often than not lying through his teeth.”

 

“Oh is that all.  Already figured that out.  Now really guys, he’s hanging up.  It’s been very nice chatting with you all.”

 

Bucky ends the call to find Steve glaring at him.  He goes to get up and Steve leans in and kisses him soundly.  Bucky moans into it and grinds against Steve not surprised to find him hard.  Bucky moans into the kiss when Steve grinds into him.  They part panting.

 

“Bed.”  Steve says, his mind clouded with want.

 

“I should probably go…. Oh God I’ve….”  Steve kisses him softly.

 

“Buck, relax.  I moved too fast.  It’s okay to tell me, ‘hey Steve I need to put the brakes on’.  I’m not going to be angry,” Bucky kisses him this time.

 

“You’re really okay with us going slow?”

 

“Of course I am.  I’m not…. There were a few guys, but the girls didn’t really give me the time of day until Peggy,” there’s more Steve wants to say and questions he wants to ask.  He just doesn’t know how.  He doesn’t want to scare Bucky off. Before he can think of how to ask.  Bucky’s speaking.

 

“It wasn’t a happy experience.  I put myself out there on a first date.  Guy said all the right things then never called after.  I ran into him a few weeks later and he said all I was good for a was quick fuck.  Swore to myself after that I wasn’t gonna put out until I was sure.  I’ve had a few relationships, if you can even call them that.  So I’m not as experienced as you might think.   And I always used protection.  I get tested every month.  My Ma insists on it, even though she knows I’m not promiscuous.  And I know you get monthly physicals.  I might have noticed they test for that too.”

 

“I used to hate they did that.  Made the results of all my physicals public I mean, not the testing. But if it’s done some good by putting your mind at ease then I guess it’s not all bad.”

 

“Aww what a sweet talker you are,” Bucky says giving him a peck on the lips.

 

The rest of the morning they trade lazy kisses until it’s time for Bucky to start getting ready.  Bucky prints out his paper and heads for the subway with time to spare.  He can’t keep the smile off his face.  He arrives at campus and hands in his paper.  Pierce is there with Brock.

 

“Let me guess Barnes, you had to spin the same boring shit everyone always does.”  Brock says condescendingly.

 

“Brock leave us.”  Pierce says.  To no one’s surprise Brock does as he’s told.

 

“While Brock may have overstepped, as you know I do share his concerns.”  Pierce says crowding in on Bucky.  It immediately makes him uncomfortable.

 

“Just read the paper.  Prof.  And don’t forget to submit it for the Stark thing.  I’ve got to run.  Got places to be.”

 

“James you know I can make sure you get that grant.”  Pierce says backing him into the wall by the door and running his fingers over his arm.

 

“No thanks.  I’ll take my chances. Besides, from what I hear Brock hates to share,” Bucky says reaching over and turning the knob.  He makes a bee line for the front of the building.

 

He gets outside and heads for the subway.  He’s half way to Steve’s when his phone rings.  It’s Steve.  Bucky curses and asks him to just meet back at his apartment.  He agrees and asks Bucky if he’s alright.  He doesn’t say anything just says he’ll see him later,

 

Bucky makes it back to Steve’s first and then realizes he doesn’t have a key.  He can feel his skin crawling.  Steve needs to hurry up.  He texts him to ask where is and then hears Steve’s bike.  Bucky doesn’t even give him a chance to get off it before he’s in his arms.

 

“Buck?”

 

“Just give me a second, Steve.”

 

“Buck, handsome, what is it?”

 

“Can we go inside first.  I can’t go home like this.  Ma’ll pick up on the fact something’s wrong.  I don’t… I need you.  Need to…”

 

“Buck, what can I do?”

 

“Hold me,” Bucky says wrapping himself around him.

 

“Come on let’s get inside first.  You’re shaking.  Bucky what the hell happened.  Did someone try to mug you?”  Bucky shakes his head.

 

“Okay, let me get off the bike,” Bucky does then is back in Steve’s arms.

 

They get upstairs and Bucky starts to pace.  He can’t sit still.  Wants to go take a shower.  He feels disgusting.  Dirty.  He should have kicked Pierce in the balls he knew what he was going to try the second the words were out of his mouth.  He hears a loud clang and suddenly Steve’s shield is flying through the air.

 

“What did that bastard do to you?”  Steve seethes.  Bucky takes a step back.

 

“Buck, no, hey… I’m sorry.  Come here,” Bucky goes into Steve’s arms.

 

“I was so scared.  And I don’t get scared.  I mean not usually.  He sent Brock out the room.  Then it all happened fast.  One second he was sitting at his desk the next I was against the wall by the door and he was running his hands up my arms getting closer.  I hightailed it out of there.  But I was so… I forgot our date.  I ruined…”  Steve wants to kiss him.  He doesn’t instead he holds Bucky a little tighter and runs his fingers through his hair.

 

“It’s okay.  We can go another day.  You didn’t ruin anything.  Come on.  We’re going to veg on the couch all day and go through my list.”

 

“I should go.  Ma’s gonna worry.”

 

“She was already here looking for you.  I told her you’d left to go hand in your paper then we were going to probably spend the day together.  Want to tell me why she thanked me.”

 

“I have no idea.  Probably because you’re not an asshole and you’re treating me well.  She’s never been fond of most of the guys I bring home.  I’m sorry she just showed up here.”

 

“Don’t be.  We had a nice chat.  I knew your grandmother.  She told me I should tell you,” Bucky laughs, which causes Steve to raise an eyebrow.

 

“When I came out I did it at one of our family picnics.  It was a disaster.  Grandad was furious.  Though more because I caused a scene than me being gay.  My aunts and uncles didn’t get it, so Becca had to explain it to them.  My one aunt though she looks at my other aunts and goes ‘why is this news to anyone.  He had a Captain America poster on his wall since he was five and he wants to open a sh _rine_ to the man.’  That just set my grandmother off, she stormed out before anyone could ask her anything.  I went to go find her.  I figured if she was gonna tell me I was about to burn in hell I might as well get it over with.  She tells me that you’re more than that monkey suit and I damn well better remember that.  Then she told me all these stories about you in the neighborhood.  She also said she thought you might be bi so I shouldn’t let anyone tell me my chances with you would be zilch.”

 

“Your grandmother knew?  I didn’t even know back then.  Well, I mean we didn’t really talk about it much.  And I couldn’t get a date to save my life.  Had better luck with the guys.  Girls were never really interested.  Well not till Peggy.  Does her knowing me make it weird for you?”

 

“Before she died, you announced you were moving back here.  She made me promise to look after you.  Said I had an old soul and would understand when you needed to talk about your past.  I thought it was all the meds they had her hopped up on.  But now…. Maybe she’s right.  What about you?”  Steve doesn’t answer him with words.  He leans down and kisses his forehead.

 

“Steve,” Bucky says, voice thick with emotion.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah fine.  Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.  Movie?”

 

“You go ahead.  I’m exhausted.  Gonna nap.  Don’t let go, okay.”

 

Steve promises he won’t.  He calls Tony once Bucky’s asleep and tells him what’s happened.  He also asks Tony to have JARVIS run a check on Bucky.  JARVIS doesn’t find anything out of the ordinary.  Tony wonders why he’s doing it.  Steve just says he wants to be sure he’s not being played.  They hang up and he’s  about to play the movie when Bucky gets off him.

 

“I should go.  I’ve taken up enough of your time.  Thanks for the help with the thesis.  I.. crap where’s my other shoe.  Steve just let me… you think I’m playing you?  I know we haven’t known each other that long.  But…. You think I’m playing you,” Steve hates the way he sounds.

 

“I… no I don’t…. I just… I had to tell Tony something….  I….”

 

“So you want me to believe after over hearing you ask him to run a background check… as if I haven’t been an open fucking book to you…. That you lied to him to what?  Get him off your back?  Let me tell you, pal, that shit wouldn’t have flown back in your day and it sure as hell doesn’t fly now.  God Barnes you fucking idiot.  You should know prince charming only exists in fairytales your sisters have told you enough times.”

 

“Bucky, don’t go.  Let me explain,” Steve pleads as he throws his things into his bag.

 

“Go to hell, Rogers.”

 

“I’m falling in love with you and I know how crazy it sounds after a day.  I do.  But it’s happening anyway.  And I’m worried there’s something you’re not telling me.  And I get that you’re allowed to have your secrets but it’s bothering you I can tell.  I just….”

 

“Did he find it?”  Bucky asks his voice small, stopping by the arm of the couch.

 

“Find what? Buck, please I only want to help.”

 

“So he didn’t.  That means Ma won’t.  Thank God,” Bucky sounds so small that Steve isn’t sure what to do.  But then he’s turning around and Steve has to hold him.  So he opens his arms.  Bucky’s in them in seconds.

 

“I was a Freshmen, everyone wanted to take Pierce’s World War Two class.  I was the last student to get in.  He rode me hard from the beginning.  Second week of class I failed a quiz.  He tells me to come to his office.  What happened today, it happened then too.  Only he kissed me and had his hands all over me.  I reported him and dropped the class.  As you can see it didn’t do any good.  When my thesis came up the head of the History department warned me Pierce was going to have it out for me.  Warned me he might try it again.  Only I knew better, he had Brock.  Didn’t need me.  Plus, I wasn’t going to let him derail my dream.  So I signed up for the thesis.  I picked you because…  Look I had that poster on my wall because as a kid I had horrible nightmares., even before my dad.  I felt safer with it up.  If I had to deal with Pierce, I wanted you with me.  I’ll be out of here in like ten minutes,” Bucky says moving out of Steve’s arms.

 

“No you won’t.  And I’m going to take care of everything.  I promise,” Steve says pulling him back in. 

 

“Steve, don’t I’m not worth all the trouble.  It’s fine.  I handed in my paper it’s over with,” Bucky says looking up at him.

 

Steve doesn’t say anything.  They watch a few movies off Steve’s list and go for lunch.  Then Bucky decides he really does have to go home.  He promises to text Steve once he knows the results. Steve hides the frown.  He doesn’t think he can go a few weeks not seeing him.  But he refuses to push Bucky into something he’s not ready for.

 

They end up running into each other a few days later at Starbucks.  Bucky’s with Sharon from his class and she’s giving him an earful about how someone has to do something about Pierce.  Bucky’s about to respond when Brock comes in with a distinguished looking older man.  Steve, even from his vantage point in the corner can see Bucky tense up.  He wants to go to him, he stands up and heads for the condiment bar.  He figures it’s close enough to Bucky, so he can step in if he needs to, but far enough away nothing will seem out of the ordinary.

 

“Brock, go order us our drinks.  I’d like a moment with Mr. Barnes,” Brock scurries off to do as he’s told.

 

“If you think for one second I’m going anywhere, think again,” Sharon says standing her ground.

 

“Miss Carter, I assure you Mr. Barnes is in no danger from me.  Don’t you think it would be wise to find the two of you a table?”

 

“Who says we’re staying?”  She says moving closer to Bucky. 

 

Steve “accidentally” bumps into Bucky on his way past them.  He stops and sits at the end of the large table in the middle of the room.  He has every intention of keeping his promise to Bucky.  His professor isn’t making it easy.

 

“I simply wanted to let Mr. Barnes know he’s going to have to take the course again in the fall.  His paper was not on his subject and therefore I can’t give him a passing grade.”

 

Bucky feels the cup fall to the floor.  Feels his legs buckle.  Then Steve’s there and it’s like the room disappears.  Steve gets him to focus on him.  Sharon grabs a chair and pulls it out.  Then she crouches down in front of him.  She starts talking softly to him.  It reminds Steve of Peggy and he can’t help but smile.

 

“You’ve got him?”

 

“Yeah.  Why?”

 

Steve doesn’t answer her.  He goes over to Alexander Pierce, taps him on the shoulder.  Pierce has enough sense to look surprised.  He clenches his fist a few times.  God he hates bullies.  He wants nothing more than to punch Pierce square in the jaw.  Instead, he uses his words and what Tony calls ‘the tone’ to get his point across.

 

“Steve Rogers is Captain America.  Captain America is Steve Rogers so if I were you I’d seriously reconsider Mr. Barnes’s grade,” Steve then gives Alexander Pierce the same look he used to give all the bullies.  Pierce gets outraged but is smart enough to grab Brock and go once he spots Becca over by Sharon.

 

He knows Becca and Sharon are watching.  He knows he probably shouldn’t do what he’s about to; but Bucky needs him.  He takes Bucky’s hand and starts rubbing his fingers over his knuckles like he did the first day.  He crouches down and kisses him softly.  He hears Sharon say something to Becca in the background but doesn’t care.

 

“Steve,” Bucky says quietly.

 

“What do you say you and I get out of here.  Go for a walk or something?”  Steve asks, playing with the strands of Bucky’s hair at the nape of his neck.

 

“Please.  Wait, Sharon… did she…”

 

“Go on Bucky.  I can get home.  I’ll be fine.”

 

“You sure?”  he asks.

 

“Positive.  I’ll just call Wanda, see if I can meet her a little early.  She won’t mind.”

 

“Thanks,” he says giving her a quick hug.

 

“I’m so ratting you out to Mom,” Becca says with a smile.

 

“She already knows.  Tell her I’ll call her later.” 

 

Steve leads Bucky out by the hand.  He steers him to the side of the building and out of the way of the people walking down the street, and then he’s kissing him.  When they part Bucky leans into him.

 

“What can I do?”

 

“Tell me it’s all going to be okay.  That I haven’t just ruined my life.  Because right now I feel like I have.  Steve without that degree I can’t go to the banks.  They already told me I need my Masters.  I’m fucked.”

 

“No you aren’t I’ve taken care of it.  Just send a hard copy of your paper to Stark Industries.  Attention Pepper Potts.  She’ll make sure Tony sees it.”

 

“The grant hinges on getting a passing grade.  And Sharon’s paper is the best in the class.  I’m not taking the grant from her.  It wouldn’t be right.”

 

“Who said anything about the grant.  Look I majorly overstepped this afternoon.  I might have pitched what you told me to Pepper.  She loved the idea.  But to get Tony to agree to give you the money she said he’d want to read the paper.”

 

“Why are you doing all this?”  Bucky asks moving so he can walk back into the street.

 

“I told you the other day.”

 

“Right.  Didn’t actually think you were serious,” Bucky says nonchalantly.

 

“Why not?”  Steve keeps his voice even.  In his head he’s fighting to keep his emotions in check.

 

“Steve things… guys like you….  Usually when a guy says that to me it’s to get into my pants.  And I know you said we could take it slow.  But then you also said you thought I was playing you.  So I just…”  he has to stop talking because Steve’s kissing him.

 

“I meant it.”

 

“Good cause I am too.  And I know this is going to sound crazy, but we spent that day together and it was like something clicked into place.  Being with you felt right.  I talked to Mom about it and she just got this look on her face.  She told me to tell you how I felt.  I was going to wait until everything was settled before I did.  But I’ve really missed being with you.  Can you please say something or kiss me or something?”

 

“Come on.  We’re going to go back to my place and pack a lunch and then we’re going to go have a picnic in the park and enjoy the day.”

 

The picnic’s the plan anyway.  But then they’re kissing and Bucky’s steering it to the bedroom.  Steve isn’t stopping him and they don’t stop kissing until they’re on the bed.  Steve looks down at Bucky who looks nervous.  He maneuvers them so he’s wrapped around Bucky from behind.

 

“Why we stopping?”

 

“We’re taking it slow remember.  Why don’t we just lay here and cuddle?”

 

“Steve,” Bucky whines when he feels Steve’s erection.

 

“Buck we don’t have to rush things.  I promise we can go as slow as you want.”

 

He rolls over and snuggles into Steve.  He’s not sure why it happened but he’s so glad it did.  He was so sick of dating guys who only wanted to get him into bed.  Who would say all the right things and then realize they’d only done it so he’d sleep with them.  He knows Steve isn’t like them.  And boy does he want him.  It’s not just because he’s smoking hot.  It’s because he makes Bucky feel special.  Makes him feel like he’s precious.  Even if it has only been a few days. 

 

“You are special, and you should be treated like it,” Steve says kissing the top of his head.

 

“I don’t usually do this.  I can usually keep my thoughts in my head.  It’s your fault,” Bucky says, leaning into Steve’s touch.

 

“I don’t mind,” Steve says running his fingers through his hair.

 

He falls asleep and Steve just holds him.  He feels content and there’s something else he can’t describe.  He just knows he wants to try and make this work.  He also knows he doesn’t care if the press or anyone else doesn’t like it.  Bucky’s worth it.  And he also thinks it’s time to do something for himself.  He chuckles to himself when he realizes he’s been whispering all of this to Bucky.

 

“What do you mean do something for yourself?”  Bucky asks resting his head in hands on Steve’s chest.

 

“You know the whole puppet on a string.  It’s like that still now.  I go wherever SHIELD sends me.  I do what Fury asks.  I don’t mind it.  But I haven’t really done things for me.  I let what I want get pushed aside.  Well, except for here.  They wanted me in Washington.  Tony wanted me in the tower.  I put my foot down.”

 

“I’m glad you did,” Bucky says kissing him.

 

“You hungry?”

 

“A little I could eat.  Actually Ma’s planning spaghetti for dinner and her sauce is to die for.  Want to come?  She won’t mind.  She always makes more than enough.”

 

“Call her and ask.  I don’t want to just drop in and have her freak cause I’m there.”

 

Bucky does and isn’t surprised when his mother says it’s fine.  Steve insists on bringing a bottle of wine.  The night is better than Bucky could have hoped for.  All three of his sisters are there.  They tease Bucky about landing Captain America.  And they grill Steve to make sure he’s good enough for their big brother; but Steve just smiles the whole time and doesn’t complain once.    It isn’t awkward until Steve insists on helping with the dishes.  Bucky’s more than willing to so Steve can dry but neither his sisters nor his mother will hear of it.  After everything is put away his mother pulls out the Scrabble.  She explains to Steve that it’s a bit of a tradition whenever she’s got all of the kids home for dinner. 

 

The game lasts for a couple of hours in the end Bucky wins.  All of the girls groan and throw their hands up.  Steve smiles at the scene as he helps Mrs. Barnes put the game away.  He makes his goodbyes and Bucky walks him out. 

 

“Thanks for tonight, I had fun.”

 

“I did too.  They really like you, you know.  Ma wouldn’t have dragged out the Scrabble set if they didn’t.  Never done it before when…”  Steve takes his hand.

 

“Breathe Buck.  You okay?”

 

“I don’t want to tell her about today.  I’m sure Becca did though.  She’s gonna be so disappointed in me.  I…”  he stops when he hears his mother clear her throat.

 

“Steve, not that I’m trying to kick you out, but could you give Bucky and I a minute please.”

 

“Of course Ma’am.  Call me later okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Bucky says.

 

Steve heads towards his place and tries not to worry.  He knows he doesn’t have to; Bucky’s mother seems like a really good woman.  But Bucky’s been dreading this, so for him, he worries.  He gets home and putters around the apartment.  He calls and checks in with Tony.  Tony tells him he’s read all the papers and Bucky’s right; Sharon’s is the best.  Though, his is a very close second.  When Steve asks how he’s seen it already, knowing Bucky hasn’t mailed it yet, Tony says Alexander Pierce dropped it off himself this afternoon.  Bucky and Sharon having been the only two A’s in the class. 

 

“Good,” Steve says not bothering to keep the anger out of his voice. 

 

“All right, I let it go the other night because everyone was here.  But you’re doing an awful lot for a kid you just met.  Care to tell me why?”

 

Steve does.  Oh he leaves out a few details but otherwise tells Tony the whole story.  When he’s done Tony is ready to wake the University President to have Pierce fired.  Steve makes him promise to wait until morning.  Tony also tells Steve he’s giving two grants this year.  He says he thinks Bucky’s right; inner city kids should have a chance to get to know their heroes.  He tells Tony he doesn’t have to do that.  That he was going to make a few calls.  See how much he had in back pay.

 

“Steve let me do it.  You aren’t going to have enough.  And I don’t want anything from it, well except that he includes the Avengers in it.  But something tells me he would anyway.  But don’t tell him.  No wait, tell him I’ve got the paper but that’s it.”

 

“Al right.  Tony, thank you.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.  I’m hanging up now Capsicle.  Have a good night.”

 

It gets to be almost midnight and there hasn’t been a word from Bucky.  Steve’s about to text him when there’s a knock at the door.  He peeks through the peephole and sees Sharon holding Bucky up.

 

“Hi.  He’s a bit drunk.  And well, when he gets like this and his sisters are home… they give him hell.  Plus, he keeps asking for you.  If it’s a problem, he can sleep it off at mine.”

 

“No, here give him to me.  Sharon, what happened? when I left his mom’s he was fine.  A little nervous, but nothing that would make him want to go out and get drunk,” he says as she passes Bucky to him.

 

“He wouldn’t say what was wrong on the phone.  Just asked if he could come meet Wanda and I.  We of course said yes.  Though when he got to the bar Wanda did ask why he didn’t just go to your place.  He said he’d been bugging you enough with his shit.  That eventually, like everyone else you’d get sick of him.  Having seen the two of you today I tried to tell him I didn’t think that would happen.  He said I was just being nice.  Look I don’t know how much he told you about his past relationships.  But they always end in disaster.  The guys he falls for… they don’t treat him right.  I’ve known Bucky a really long time… if you’re just gonna end up dumping him in a few weeks end it now.”

 

“Sharon, I…. that’s not going to happen.”

 

“You know, when you say it I believe it.  Oh one more thing.  He told his mom everything.  I think that’s why he came out tonight.  I called her and told her I was going to bring him here. “

 

“Thanks.  You can get home okay?”

 

“Yeah.  Wanda’s downstairs.  And tell him he didn’t ruin our night.”

 

“I will,” Steve waits to close the door until he hears Sharon and her friend talking. 

 

Bucky stirs and then looks up at Steve horrified.  He tries to pull away but then just ends up sagging back against him.  Steve gets him into the bedroom and takes his shoes off before putting him to bed.  He grabs a glass of water and some aspirin and places them on the nightstand.  Then he gets in on the other side and takes Bucky into his arms.

 

“Oh Buck, handsome, you could have come to me.  I want to be here for you.  I’m never gonna think I’ve dealt with too much of your so called shit,” Steve says kissing his temple.

 

“Steve?”  Bucky says groggily.

 

“Right here.”

 

“Can I…. can’t go…. Ma’s…..”  Bucky quiets and Steve thinks he’s fallen asleep.

 

“She got really angry.  Told me she was beyond disappointed in me.  Then the girls started in.  I couldn’t stay.  I’m such a screw up Steve.  You have no idea.  I should just go now.  Before you find out.”

 

“Stay.  Bucky get some sleep.  Everything will look better tomorrow.”

 

“I am so in love with you.  Don’t care it’s only been a few days,” Bucky says then he kisses Steve.

 

“Buck.  Get some sleep,” Steve says again once they part. 

 

“You don’t… I’ll go.  I’ll sneak into my room,” he says trying to get up.  Steve doesn’t let him.

 

“Bucky stay put.  Get some sleep.  We’ll talk in the morning” Steve says using the Captain America tone.  Bucky stops fidgeting and then he’s clinging to Steve.   That’s how they fall asleep. 

 

Bucky wakes an hour or so later and races into the bathroom.  He gets sick.  Steve is right there.  He sags down next to the tub and Steve gets a cool cloth to clean him up with.  He gets him some water and then puts him back to bed.    Bucky wakes when Steve does to go for his run.  Steve tells him to stay and sleep.  That he’ll be back in a little while.  Bucky is out again before Steve even makes it into the bathroom to change.

 

 When Steve gets back he can smell coffee coming from his apartment.  He opens the door to find Bucky sitting on the couch reading the paper.  He drops a kiss on the top of his head then goes to grab a cup of coffee.  He comes out of the kitchen with an arched brow.  There are hot blueberry muffins as well but no dishes in the sink.  Not to mention he didn’t have mix to make them.

 

“Ma stopped by.  We talked.  She said she was disappointed I felt I couldn’t come to her.  Said I should have let her finish last night.  Yelled at me for getting drunk.Handed me the muffins.  Told me I wasn’t allowed to come home until I’d talked to you.  I’m... what I said, I meant it.  I told Ma the same thing last night.  Told Sharon and Wanda too.  I’d only had a few sips of whiskey then.  You can ask.  But I get it.  I’m twenty-four and you’re well technically you’re what twenty-nine.  But I get it your older than that.  And I know we’d probably never work and…. .”  Steve kisses him.

 

“I want to be sure before I say it.  So you know I mean it.  I don’t want to be like those other guys you’ve been with.  You deserve to have someone say it to you and mean it the first time they do,” Steve says then kisses him again.

 

“Steve,” he clings to him a bit.

 

“Buck.  Hey.  What did I say?”

 

“What did I do to deserve you?”

 

“Mama would say you kissed a lot of frogs,” Bucky chuckles at that and then kisses him again.

 

“Do you have plans for today?”  Steve asks when they part.

 

“I have to get my paper in the mail but that’s it.  Why?”

 

“Spend the day with me.”

 

“Okay.  Let me just get to the post office,” Bucky says as his phone rings.  He mouths _Tony Stark_ to Steve and takes a deep breath before answering.

 

“Hello.  Yes, this is he.  Uh…. Hello Mr. Stark.  I’m aware there’s a grant yes.  I haven’t sent it…. He did.  Oh.  Wait I don’t want to take it…. Two…. But you’ve never…. You want to….  I… Mr. Stark I can’t accept this…... But it’s not fair to…. I did plan on including the Avengers yes.  Well, it was going to be just a video of footage from New York.  I suppose I could do a whole room.  And yes I could let you….  Of course I can stop by Avengers Tower and sign everything… Steve, he’s right here, why?  Oh sure.  He wants to talk…. My own grant….”

 

“So Steve do I put the actual suit from New York in this museum of his or do I pick a different one?  JARVIS says a nicer one.  What do you think?  Has he formed a full sentence yet?”

 

“No.  Tony I can’t believe you.”

 

“Have you read this?  It’s a fucking masterpiece.  It’s also a bit of a love letter.  I kept expecting to see little hearts in the margins with Bucky+Steve 4ever in them.  So I was sorely disappointed when that didn’t happen.  Tell him, I think he should use excerpts of this for part of the exhibits.  And he should totally turn it into a book.  I’ve got to dash.  Still got Carter to call.  Tell him to be at the tower at one.  And to have a suit on.  Oh and Steve, coach him.  There’s going to be press.”  Before Steve can respond Tony’s hung up.

 

“Buck, you okay?”

 

“Shit.  You have to sanction it.  And the Smithsonian’s gonna be pissed.  And I don’t have anything to put it in it.  I haven’t even started the loan applications for the Smithsonian and they have to have you say you’re okay with it.  And I never really formally asked you if you were.  And I have no idea where my drawings are of all the mock ups and I’m sure Mr. Stark is going to want to see them. Oh.”  Bucky finishes when Steve spins him into his arms.

 

“Breathe.  Buck, it’s going to be fine.  I’ll call the Smithsonian Monday.  I have a contact.  She’ll probably be willing to come and help you set it up once we get to that point.  Relax.”

 

“I just… Mr. Stark’s giving me a lot of…”  Steve kisses him again.

 

Steve keeps kissing him and steers him back into the bedroom.  He suddenly has the feeling like he wants to shout from the rooftops he’s in love with Bucky Barnes.  He lays Bucky out on the bed and then lays on top of him kissing down his neck and then back up to his lips.

 

“I love you.  God do I love you.  And don’t you dare ever change.”  Steve says punctuating each word with a kiss.

 

“Steve,” Bucky says quietly.

 

“Buck, did I... oh Bucky,” Steve says when he sees tears in Bucky’s eyes.

 

“You said you wouldn’t say it if you didn’t mean it,” Bucky says fighting to keep his emotions in check.

 

“I did.  And I do.  I love you.  And if you don’t care it’s been a few days, I don’t either,” Bucky kisses him then.

 

Steve kisses down his body again and Bucky is a whimpering mess.  He’s begging Steve to kiss him everywhere while calling him sir.  Steve kisses back up his body and then takes and puts his hand down Bucky’s sweats.  Which are really his, and boy can Steve get used to coming home from his run to that.  He must say it out loud because Bucky lets out a breathy chuckle.  Then he’s moaning and asking to come.  Steve tells him he can and he comes all over his hand.

 

“Okay where the hell did you learn to do that?”

 

“An alley somewhere in ’38.”

 

“Wow.  They could teach guys these days a thing or two.  Fuck.”

 

“So it wasn’t hideously awful.  I mean it’s been decades.  And I was never really… like I said they were quickies.  And I’ve been on a few dates since I came out of the ice, but those were girls.  Nat set me up.  It’s not a problem is it?”  Steve asks nervously.  To Bucky he seems like he wants to bolt.

 

“No.  Baby, god no.  I love you.  I knew you were bi.  I’ve always known it.  But I know you. You’re not going to be with me and then go find some chick to bang and come home and sleep with me too.  How can you… god Steve.  No never.  It was never and will never be a problem for me that you’re bi.”  Bucky says kissing him.

 

Bucky flips them over and reaches down Steve’s pants to return the favor.  He moans at what he finds.  He knew Steve was big from the other night when they were rutting against each other he just hadn’t realized how big.  God he wants….  Steve moans.  Tells Bucky to keep talking to tell him what he wants.

 

“Want to feel it inside me.  God Sir you’re so big.  Bet you’d make me feel so full.  Please, sir let me make you come,” Steve does with a drawn out moan.  He’s not sure if it’s the fact Bucky wants him inside him or the fact he called him sir that made him come as hard as he has.

                                                                                                                                           

Steve gets up and grabs a cloth to clean them both up and wraps himself around Bucky.  He kisses him and then settles.  They need to talk, but Bucky’s so cuddly right now and everything is perfect, he’ll just close his eyes for a second.    Bucky chuckles when Steve starts to doze off.  He runs his hands up and down Steve’s arms. He stays awake watching him sleep for a bit, then decides to get up when he worries he’s being a creeper.

 

“Buck, stay.  Sorry didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

 

“I was going to go find some paper and start working on ideas.  Besides it’s almost eleven and we have to be at the tower by one.  I’ve got to run home and get my suit.”

 

“You can wear one of mine.”  Steve says reaching for him.

 

“You’re clingy after sex.  Good to know.”

 

“Sorry.  You’re right you probably should run home.  I’ll swing by and pick you up at twelve fifteen?  Is that enough time?”

 

“Yeah that should be.  Ma’s gonna freak.  She’ll be happy for me of course.  But she’s going to freak.  And Becca’s going to be over the moon.  She’s got places picked out.  Not surprising there are apartments on the top floor,” Bucky says smiling.  Steve leans over and kisses him.

 

“All right, let me get out of here.”

 

When Steve picks Bucky up he has to remind himself they have places to be.  Bucky looks amazing.  He’s wearing a black suit and tie.  His hair is swept back in a ponytail.  He looks like he’s ready to take on the world.  Becca’s fussing over imaginary wrinkles in his jacket and brushing imaginary lint off his shoulders.  For her part his mother is asking him questions.  He’s answering them, and to Steve’s surprise he doesn’t sound like a fanboy at all.  Steve couldn’t be prouder.

 

“Captain Rogers, a pleasure to see you again.”

 

“Please, Mrs. Barnes, call me Steve.”

 

“Only if you call me Winnie,” Steve notices Bucky looks so happy he could burst.

 

“All right.  Wait are you and girls not coming?”  Steve asks.

 

“Mr. Stark didn’t say anything about guests.  I just thought….”  Bucky says switching from foot to foot.

 

“Give me two seconds.  I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Steve says sending a text.  Bucky’s phone rings a second later.

 

“Hello.  Yes, this is he.  Oh hello Miss Potts.  I can.  Five people.  Oh.  Thank you, Ma’am.  Sorry.  Pepper, thank you.  No I’ll be sure Captain Rogers isn’t included in my five.  Thank you again.”

 

“So what are the girls doing this afternoon?”  He asks turning to his mother.

 

“I’ll call and have them meet Becca and I.  You two run along.  We’ll meet you there.”

 

“Oh, Ma?”  he says, just as he and Steve are about to walk out the door.

 

“Yes, Bucky?”

 

“If Steve can’t kick Professor Pierce’s ass neither can you.  Promise me you won’t cause a scene.  Neither one of you.”

 

“I promise to be polite to the man,” his mother says coming over and fixing his tie one more time.

 

“Did I punch him at Starbucks?  No I did not.  I’m not going to.  There are other ways to handle someone like him.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“Me nothing.  I make no promises about Pepper or Tony however.  Now come on we don’t want to be late,” Steve says guiding him to the car.

 

“No bike?”  Bucky asks with a slight pout.

 

“Not today.  Didn’t want to ruin your suit.  You look very handsome by the way.  I’m having a hard time keeping my hands to myself,” Steve says with a wink as he gets in the car.  Bucky shakes his head and does the same.

 

They arrive at the tower and Bucky’s hit with a wave of nerves.  He starts pacing the second they’re in the room where the presentation is going to be.  He can’t tell if it’s because of that or because all of the Avengers are sizing him up.  He wants Steve’s friends to like him.  Wants them to accept him.  He’s just really not sure he’s Captain America’s boyfriend material.  Oh God what the hell has he been thinking this last week and a half?  Things are never going to work between them.  He should just end it now before it becomes a disaster.  Bucky groans to himself when Hawkeye comes over and stands next to him.  He didn’t even realize he said it out loud.

 

“Kid, let me let you in on a little secret.  We already like you.  Steve hasn’t been this happy the entire time we’ve known him.  And for the record the two of you are going to work because you see past the shield.  You don’t want to be Captain America’s boyfriend.  You want to be Steve Rogers’ boyfriend.  And that’s gonna score you more points with all of us than anyone’s going to admit.  I’m Clint by the way.  Nice to meet you.”

 

“James.  Hi,” Bucky says clearly embarrassed.

 

“James really?”

 

“Oh.  Uh…. “Hi I’m Bucky.”

 

“So, Bucky, right?”  Sam Wilson asks coming over to them.

 

“Yes, sir,” he says nervously.  He’s already embarrassed himself in front of Hawkeye.  He doesn’t need to add Falcon to the list.

 

“Relax.  Look, if Clint didn’t already make it clear the only one of us in the room you have to worry about is Nat.  But she’ll just ask you a bunch of questions, then punch you in the shoulder and you’ll be golden.  Wait, Clint did you warn him about Tony yet?”

 

“No, I was gonna let Pepper do that.”

 

“Wait, does Mr. Stark not want to give me the grant?”

 

“Of course I want to.  You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.  What they’re referring to is that they seem to think I’m going to corner you and grill you on life with the giant patriotic Capsicle over there.  I’m not.  He told me if I did he’d have JARVIS lock up all my suits then he’d hit me repeatedly with the shield,” Bucky laughs nervously.

 

“Bucky, hey!”  Sharon says coming over to them.

 

“Hi,” he says quietly.

 

“Gentlemen I hate to do this but I need to speak with Bucky about something.  Sorry,” she says taking Bucky’s hand and pulling him away.

 

“Oh thank you.  I was starting to freak out a bit.”

 

“Steve noticed.  We figured it’d be better if I came to rescue you.  Congrats by the way.  I’m really happy for you.”

 

“Same here.  So what are you doing with yours?”  He asks then immediately wishes he could take it back.

 

“I don’t really know yet.  Aunt Peggy made me promise I wouldn’t just pay my loans with it.  What about you?”

 

“Yes Barnes what are you doing with the money Steve Rogers paid you for sex.  Oh no wait it’s coming from Stark, must mean you whored yourself to Iron Man,” Brock says coming up to them.  Bucky’s just glad no one overheard.

 

“Brock go away,” Sharon says glaring at him.  Bucky’s too busy trying to not have an anxiety attack to notice Steve come over.

 

“Buck, you all right?”

 

“Fine.”

 

He brushes past Steve and heads out onto the balcony.  He can’t do this.  Not when everyone’s going to think what Brock does.  He should just tell Mr. Stark to forget it.  He’s about to go back inside when Tony comes out.

 

“First of all, think everything around here.  Don’t say it.  JARVIS has a tendency to even hear things you say under your breath.  Second, no one thinks you slept with me or Steve to get this grant.  I’ve let the press read your paper and your proposal.  I didn’t have to do this.  I know that.  Steve didn’t ask me to do it either.  I did it because you’re right there are a lot of inner city families who should have a place to go to learn about their heroes.  Pepper’s honestly been considering using yours as a test model.  If it does well she wants to open museums like yours across the country, with your help of course.  So get it out of your head I’m just doing this because Steve asked. And Pierce is using Brock to come at you because I made it clear to the University President if he didn't get fired immediately, I was pulling all funding.”

"What? Tell me you didn't.".

 

“Sir, we’ve got about five minutes.”

 

“I’ll be right in, JARVIS.  You coming? Oh and I totally did.”

 

“In a second.”

 

Bucky stares out at the city for a minute trying to calm himself.  He’s about to head back inside when his mother comes out onto the balcony.  She smiles at him and fixes his tie.  Then she kisses him on the cheek.

 

“You listen to me James Buchanan Barnes, you deserve this.  You worked hard.  You’ve been planning it your entire life practically.  I am so very proud of you, and if your father were here he would be too.  Now go in there and show that little shit Brock Rumlow why it’s you up there and not him.”

 

“Yes ma’am,” he says kissing her cheek.

 

The rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur.  There’s the presentations then Bucky and Sharon each have a few minutes with the press.  Bucky’s glad his mother coached him.  He catches Steve’s eye and almost bursts into a huge smile.  He schools his expression quickly though and continues to answer the press’s questions.  Once the press has left there’s a reception.  There Bucky meets the rest of the Avengers.  Bruce Banner talks science with him.  He asks him what he thinks he got wrong with the serum and everyone in the room stares at him.

 

“I’m not…. I didn’t mean…. I’m sorry.”

 

“No, it’s fine.  I still haven’t figured out where I went wrong.  I suspect though it had to do with the serum itself not the vita-rays.  Erskine is the only one who had the formula.  Not like I could look it up in a book.  Bucky breathe.  All of you stop shooting him death glares.  Steve get him outside.”

 

“Buck, come on.”

 

“It just came out.  I didn’t mean to piss everyone off,” he says once Steve’s gotten him onto the elevator.  Bucky has no idea where they’re going.

 

“I know.  Bruce did too.  That’s why he answered you.  No one asks him about it.  I think they’re all afraid it’ll anger the big guy.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  I promise you,” he says kissing him softly.

 

“Nat looked like she wanted to kill me.”

 

“She always looks that way.  Do you want to lay down?”

 

“Where are we?”

 

“My floor.  I never use it but Tony insisted on giving me one.”

 

“Oh.  I’m all right now I think.  We should get back up there.  My ma’s probably worried.  And I’m a little hungry.  And I should probably make sure Doctor Banner knows I didn’t mean any offense.”

 

“He knows.  But if you’re hungry we’ll head back up.”

 

They sneak back into the reception and Steve goes to grab Bucky some food.  He comes back to find Nat talking to him.  They’re laughing so he’s fairly sure everything’s all right.  He hands Bucky his plate then wraps his arm around him.

 

“Steven.”

 

“Natasha.  You’re not being mean to my boyfriend are you?”  Bucky nearly chokes on a piece of fruit he’s just put into his mouth.

 

“You all right there, Barnes,” Nat asks with a smirk in Steve’s direction.

 

“Fine.  I should go check on the family.  If you’ll excuse me.”

 

“Bucky….  Shit.”

 

“Steve he’s fine.  Relax.  We all adore him and we just met him.  I can see why you fell for him in a week.”

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t deny it.  You were beaming more than his mother when he was talking to the press. He obviously adores you, and for once I’m pretty sure it’s not just Captain America.  In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s Steve Rogers he adores.  I’m happy for you.  I’m also a little surprised you managed to find him on your own.  Now come on.  I’ve got a weird feeling about that Brock Rumlow guy.  And Alexander Pierce gives even me the creeps,”

 

Steve scans the room and finds Rumlow and Pierce speaking with Bucky and his mother.  Bucky looks like he wants to crawl out of his skin.  His mother has got the fakest smile on her face Steve has ever seen; and being in the USO he’s seen a lot.

 

“Well, Mrs. Barnes you have to understand my position.  Every year students do papers on Captain America.  They always say the same thing.  As a professor it’s my job to push my students to be their best.  I didn’t want James taking the easy way out.  However, after reading his paper a second time I realized he hadn’t.  I was glad to bring it to Mr. Stark’s attention.”

 

“I’m sure you were.  Bucky be a dear and introduce me to Pepper Potts,” his mother says all but dismissing Alexander Pierce.

 

“Sure thing Ma.  Oh hi you,” Bucky says once he turns and sees Steve.

 

“Hi yourself.  Are you having a good time, Winnie?”

 

“I am.  You know what, Bucky, I can introduce myself to Miss Potts.”

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

“I know, sweetheart, but really I can do it myself.  Actually if you would round up your sisters.  I’ve got a shift tonight.  I should get home and get ready.”

 

“Oh.  Ma, you should have said.  We could have left sooner.”

 

“And miss your big day.  No way.  Now go on.  I’ll just be over with Miss Potts.”

 

Bucky’s mother and sisters leave ten minutes later.  Bucky notices that Pierce and Rumlow have also left and sighs in relief.  Sharon and her parents are making their goodbyes as well.  He goes over and says goodbye to her.  They agree to meet up for lunch the next day to decompress.

 

“I was thinking, we could go for dinner if you’re up to it,” Steve says wrapping his arms around him from behind.

 

“I’m good.  Unless you’re still hungry.”

 

“No.  I just….”

 

“Steve, if I had wanted to leave I could have gone home with Ma.  You know that right?”

 

“I know.  Sorry.  Doing the clingy thing again, aren’t I?”

 

“Mmmm Hmmm.  I don’t mind, not really,” he  says leaning back a little.

 

“What did you want to do?”

 

“Go back to your place and hang.  Boring I know.”

 

“No, it sounds great.  Let me just let Pepper know we’re leaving.”

 

They leave a few minutes later and go back to Steve’s.  Bucky’s got his tie loosened but otherwise is still in his suit.  Steve finds himself thinking of ways to tear it off him without ruining it.  He tries to hide his blush and fails.

 

“Steve, you okay?”

 

“Fine,” he says as they get out of the car and head up the stairs.

 

“Sure you are,” Bucky teases.

 

Bucky’s sure something’s going to happen.  Can tell Steve wants it to, and he thinks, maybe he’s ready for it to.  Steve’s wonderful, beyond wonderful really.  And he loves Bucky, and Bucky loves him.  So yeah, he thinks, if Steve were to make a move tonight he wouldn’t put the brakes on.   He’s about to tell him when Steve goes on alert.

 

“Buck, go home.”

 

“What? Why?”  Bucky’s confused.  He can’t see around Steve but he knows something’s up. 

 

“If I were you, kid, I’d do as he says.”

 

Bucky freezes.  How the hell did Tony beat them there?  And that wasn’t Tony Stark that was Iron Man.  Okay he can do this.  He can date Captain America.  He can.  He’ll be fine.  He kisses Steve on the cheek then heads home, all the while trying not to freak out.  Trying not to worry. 

 

He gets home and his sisters have the news on.  It’s not aliens so he supposes that’s something.  It’s a HYDRA cell.  Bucky can’t believe they’re still around.  The newscasters are throwing around things about HYDRA from the forties.  He knows they’re getting most of it wrong.  One of them mentions the Tesseract when Thor shows up and Bucky sits down on the couch hard.

 

“Bucky, there’s any number of reasons why he could have shown up,” Becca says from her vantage point on the couch.

 

“I know, you’re right.  I’m sure everything is fine.  Steve’s fine.  Wait has anyone seen him.  They’ve mentioned everyone else but him.  Shown everyone but him.”

 

“He’s over that way,” one of his sisters says pointing to just outside the camera’s view. 

 

He’s about to start freaking out when he sees Steve’s shield slice through the air only to be caught by Black Widow.  She tosses it at one of the HYDRA agents then off screen again.  The Hulk comes into view carrying Steve on his shoulders.  Steve tosses the shield and more HYDRA agents end up unconscious. 

There’s a blast off screen and because Bucky can clearly see Iron Man he knows it didn’t come from him.  He starts to pace.  Thor throws the hammer it bounces off Steve’s shield with a loud clank.  Bucky’s fairly sure that didn’t go according to plan.  One of his sisters tells him to quit wearing a hole in the floor. 

 

Suddenly, it’s over.  Everything happened so fast Bucky’s not really sure how.  But he did see quite a few flashes of green.  He sits down on the coffee table and releases a breath he hadn’t even realized he’s been holding.  Becca’s next to him rubbing his back soothingly.  He moves to the couch.  Becca takes his hand.

 

“I’m going to…. I don’t know where he’s going to go.  If he’ll go back to the tower or come home,” Bucky says sitting back against the couch.

 

“Call Miss Potts.  I’m sure she’ll know.”

 

Bucky gets up and goes into his room.  He plops himself down on his bed and tries to keep his emotions in check.  He dials Pepper Potts private number.  It just rings.  He curls up on his bed and tries to fall asleep.  He can’t.  He’s not sure how long he lays there.  He knows he should change out of his suit, but he can’t bring himself to really move.  There’s a knock on his door and he tries to keep the anger out of his voice when he tells his sister to go away.

 

The door opens and then closes quietly.  Then his bed dips and he feels Steve’s arms go around him.  Okay, he could be dreaming.  Probably is dreaming.  When did he fall asleep? Steve kisses the back of his neck.

 

“Becca said to just knock and come in,” Steve says kissing his neck again.

 

“You’re really here.”

 

“Yeah.  Came straight here instead of going back to my place.  Pepper said to tell you she’s sorry she didn’t answer; she was coordinating everything with the press for us.  By the time she got to the phone you’d hung up.”

 

Bucky rolls over and snuggles in.  Steve wraps his arms around him.  He’s still in his Captain America uniform and Bucky reaches up to trace the star with his fingers.  Steve tries not to worry.  Bucky’s being awfully quiet.

 

“I know it’s your job.  And I know you guys have each other’s backs.  Just give me a little time to get used to this okay?”  Bucky says quietly.

 

“I can do that.  I’m sorry.  I know how scary it must have been for you to come back to my place and figure out Iron Man was in my living room waiting for us.  Tony usually waits outside.  Must have been people out on their fire escapes if he didn’t.”

 

Bucky nods and tries to get even closer.  Steve kisses the top of his head.  He wants to scream from the rooftops again that he’s in love with this man.  Bucky chuckles softly and leans up for a kiss.

 

“I love you too.  Can we go back to your place?  Prying eyes and ears and all that.”

 

“Yeah, come on.” 

 

Steve gets up then pulls Bucky up from the bed and flush against him.  When he kisses him this time it’s full of something Bucky can’t even begin to describe.  He’s not sure he even cares to.  Steve goes to pull back and Bucky wraps his arm around his neck keeping him there.  He knows Steve’s okay; knows he probably didn’t even come close to losing him, and yet he’s not ready to let go.

 

“Buck, I’m all right.  Hey, I’m right here,” Steve soothes.

 

“Sorry.  Shit I swore to myself I wasn’t going to do this.”

 

“Pepper does it every time Tony comes back.”

 

“Oh sure, Steve, humor me.”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

“They’ve been together longer than a few weeks it’s not exactly the same.”

 

“Come on.  We’re going back to my place before we have this discussion.  Did you want to pack a bag first?”  Steve knows there are other discussions they need to have as well.

 

“Don’t want to let go yet.”

 

“Bucky, look at me,” he does as Steve asks and gulps slightly at the amount of love he sees.  Steve kisses him softly.

 

“I’m okay.  Little banged up, but I’m okay.  Wouldn’t have come here if it was anything serious.  Hey, no don’t do that.” Steve says when Bucky goes to pull away and looks down.  “I’m not… Bucky you’re allowed to be scared for me.  You’re allowed to need a little time to adjust.”

 

“I’m…”  Steve kisses him again.

 

“Come on, I really do want to go home.”

 

“All right. Let me just grab some stuff.”

 

Bucky stuffs clothes into his backpack quickly and then they head out.  He tells his sisters to not wait up.  Steve chuckles as they each tell him not to do anything they wouldn’t and to use protection.  Bucky wants to die. 

 

They get to Steve’s and he goes and hops in the shower.  When he gets out he pads into the living room to find Bucky standing by the window staring out at the city.  He goes and wraps his arms around him from behind.

 

“Hi.” 

 

“You don’t have a shirt on,” Bucky says lamely.  He has other things he knows he should be saying.  But they seem to have gone out of his head.

 

“Yep, and you’re still in your suit.”

 

“You kept looking like you wanted to tear it off me all day.  I thought after you went and were a superhero tonight, and saved the world once again, it’d be wrong to deny you the honor.”

 

Steve doesn’t say anything just kisses the back of Bucky’s neck and then reaches around to undo his jacket.  Bucky only helps with moving his arms.  His tie comes next and Bucky can’t keep his eyes off Steve’s movements in the window.  He never thought he had an exhibitionist or voyeurism kink before but this he has to admit is turning him on.  Steve starts to unbutton his shirt and Bucky shivers at the fact he’s kissing each spot of skin he exposes.  Bucky can’t believe the moans coming from him.  He’d be embarrassed but they just seem to spur Steve on.  Steve gets his shirt completely off and then turns him around so he can kiss him.  The kiss is all tongue.  Bucky moans loudly and bucks his hips to get friction.  He’s sure he’s already leaking.  Fuck he needs more.    He whines in the back of his throat and Steve pulls away.  Bucky chases after his lips.

 

“What is it Buck?  What do you need?”  Steve asks running his nails over Bucky’s nipples.

 

Bucky can only moan.  He doesn’t think he’s ever been so turned on in his life.  Steve leans down and licks one of his nipples while still running his nails over the other one.  Bucky needs Steve to stop or he’s going to come right there. 

 

“Steve, fuck, you gotta…. Pants off.  Mine…. Off.”

 

Steve reaches for his belt while still keeping up what he’s doing to his nipples.  Bucky’s sure he’s going to die.  He steps out of his pants and kicks them to the side.  He doesn’t care that he’s standing there in front of Steve’s window in his boxer briefs about to come.

 

Steve seems to sense it too.  He sucks Bucky’s nipple into his mouth and nips at it then licks over it.  He runs his nails over the other nipple.  Bucky throws his head back and begs for him to not stop.  He’s never come untouched before.  Never thought he could, but he can feel it.  He’s getting closer with every nip and lick.  He asks for permission and calls Steve sir.  When Steve tells him to come he does so screaming Steve’s name begging for more.  He slumps against him after and is surprised when Steve picks him up bridal style and carries him over to the breakfast nook.  Steve sits him down gently and then kisses him softly.  Bucky reaches for him once he’s around the counter and Steve takes his hand and holds it.  He gets a glass of water for him and then picks him up and carries him into the bedroom.  Bucky’s still blissed out.  He snuggles into Steve and whines at the loss of contact when he puts him down.

 

“Just gonna grab something to clean you up, handsome.  I’ll be right back,” Steve runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair and kisses his forehead.  True to his word he’s gone less than two minutes.  Once Bucky’s cleaned up he climbs into bed. 

 

“Hi,” Bucky says and he still feels a little out of it.  That’s new too.  He can feel the panic building but then Steve is kissing him softly.

 

“You okay?”  Steve asks, to Bucky he sounds a little worried.

 

“Yeah, really good.  Kinda out of it though.  This is new.  Give me a bit.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he kisses Steve.

 

Bucky slowly starts to feel like himself again.  He kisses Steve when he does and it makes him hard.  He rolls Steve onto his back and kisses do down his body.  He gets Steve’s pants off and moans loudly at the sight in front of him.  If he thought Steve was big when he gave him the hand job seeing it makes it even more real.  His mouth starts to water.  He needs to taste.  Needs have it inside him in some way.

 

“Buck,” Steve moans.

 

“Yes sir?”  Bucky says looking up at him.

 

“More,” Bucky takes the tip in his mouth and gives it kitten licks.  Steve’s trying not to buck his hips. 

 

“Go ahead Sir.  You can fuck my mouth.   Want you to.,” Bucky moans while sucking the tip.

 

“Mmmm. As…fuck… tempting as that is… you seem to be enjoying yourself.”

 

Bucky continues to suckle the tip but he mixes it up with licking Steve’s whole length.  Steve’s pretty sure this is heaven.  He senses Steve needs more though and takes him completely in his mouth.  He pulls off and once again tells Steve to fuck his mouth.  That he trusts him.  The sound Steve makes has Bucky leaking.

 

“Bucky, stop for a second.”  Bucky does as he’s told and looks up at Steve.  “Left hand on my thigh.  It gets to be too much you tap twice,” Bucky doesn’t answer with words.  He surges up and kisses him. 

 

“Love you,” he says then kisses his way back down Steve’s body.

 

He resumes his place and Steve starts out slow, letting him adjust.  Bucky’s in heaven.  Steve picks up the pace and he relaxes his throat.  Steve’s telling him how good it feels.  Tells him he wants to do it till he comes.  Bucky moans at that.  He starts shifting on the bed trying to get some friction and Steve stops.

 

“Not till I do.  Don’t come again till I do,” Bucky moans.

 

Steve picks up the pace one more time.  He keeps his eyes open and watches Bucky for any distress and finds none.  He makes sure to tell Bucky when he’s going to come.  The vibrations of the moans Bucky make when he comes make it feel even better when Steve does.  Bucky pulls off and grabs the cloth from where Steve tossed and cleans them up.  Then he’s snuggling into Steve’s side.

 

“Stay awake, Bucky.  We should have had this discussion before we did anything tonight.  I’m sorry I should have controlled myself more.  Made sure we did before I even touched you,” Bucky’s on full alert.  He tries to stay calm.  Takes deep breaths and grabs for the water on the stand.  Tries not think this is it.

 

“How much do you know about history of our neighborhood?”  Steve asks.

 

“I know it’s used to a predominantly gay neighborhood.  Why?”

 

“Like I said before.  I didn’t put a definition on what I was back then.  Well not in terms of orientation anyway.  But there are other words used to describe people in relationships I was more comfortable with,” Steve pauses. 

 

He’s not sure how to do this.  Never had to.  He’d just answer an ad.  Groundwork had been laid, he’d go to the agreed place.  They’d pick a safe word and then begin the scene.  But with Bucky he’s got to be more careful.  He doesn’t want to scare him off; and he’s not entirely sure he isn’t going to.

 

Bucky doesn’t say anything.  He’s too busy trying not to get his hopes up. He knows he’s in love with Steve.  And being in a dominant/submissive relationship wouldn’t be a deal breaker, but if he could have that and Steve too…. Well he’s pretty sure he’d be the happiest man on the planet.  He realizes Steve’s just spoken and he completely missed it.  Shit.

 

“Wait, what?  Sorry.”

 

“I asked you to stay awake, Buck.”

 

“I am.  Honest.  Just got lost in thought for a second.”

 

“I asked how much research you’ve done on the neighborhood for the museum.  Or if you were going to just focus it on me.”

 

“A little I mean I know there were drag bars, and the Hotel St. George was a gay hotel before they turned it into dorms.  I wanted to live there but Ma said it was stupid cause I’d only be a few blocks from home.”

 

“Anything else?” 

 

“Yeah, I took a queer history class senior year in college.  Because we were so close to the neighborhood my Professor took a whole unit to give us a rundown on it.  I asked him once about the BDSM community after class one day.  I was curious.  Hid behind the fact I was a history major.  Anyway, he told me about the ads people used to place.  Even showed me a few.  I was always amazed that they found a way to get what they needed.  Not sure I would have been that brave.”

 

“I answered them from time to time,” Bucky gapes at him.  He somehow can’t picture skinny Steve Rogers letting anyone boss him around.  


“You said you… you didn’t mind….” Bucky’s brain is short circuiting. 

 

“You called me sir earlier, was it because you started thinking of me as Captain America?  If it is that’s fine.  I get it, you’ve had a crush on me for years.  Or was it something else?”

 

Bucky can’t process what he’s been told much less answer Steve’s question.  Fuck, he wishes he’d been alive to… okay technically they’re the same man.  He knows that.  But fuck….   Steve chuckles and Bucky snaps back to attention.  Shit he’s just said that out loud.  A hole could swallow him now and he’d be eternally grateful.

 

“I asked you a question, handsome.”

 

“Sorry, sir.  Something else.  The anxiety gets bad.  I…. I would do hook ups.  Not a lot.  Usually during the school year.  It gets me out of my head.  I’m calmer after a scene.”

 

“How many is not a lot?”

 

Bucky stops to think, and then he starts to ramble.  There was Peter freshman fall semester.  That was a disaster, Peter got freaked out when Bucky said yellow.  There was Jasper that semester too.  Another disaster, he was ‘Bucky is a hole in the mattress’ guy one.  There was Jack spring semester that year.  Bucky cut that one short when Wanda told him she was pretty sure Jack and Brock had a thing with Pierce.  He’s still amazed he passed all his finals that semester. 

 

Sophomore year there was Erik.  He was older and way more experienced than Bucky could handle.  But he saw it as a challenge so he toughed it out.  The following semester Bucky hooked up with Erik’s best friend Charles.  He was more gentle than Erik, but still into things Bucky wasn’t totally comfortable with.  At the end of the year they both told him he needed to find a Dom who could handle the fact he was a rather vanilla sub.  That had stung.  But then he supposed it was meant to. 

 

First day of Junior year he met Scott.  Scott was his first real relationship.  They only broke up, or so Scott has always claimed, because he chose to go to grad school in San Francisco.

 

 Senior year was the bad year.  He was still emotional from his break up with Scott.  His anxiety was through the roof.  He met Grant at a mixer a week into it through a friend of Sharon’s.  Grant wanted things from the start he couldn’t give.  Demanded them.  Then took Bucky’s fragile state and used it against him.  By the time they’d broken up, two days before finals were starting, Bucky was having daily anxiety attacks.  Grant had made sure no one else would go near him.  He and Scott had tried scenes over Skype.  It didn’t work.  Scott had told Bucky to go to a club, but that had never been his scene.  He spent two weeks in the hospital getting himself back together after finals that year.

 

After the hell that was Senior year he swore off men until the end of his first year of grad school.  Then he met Wade, through Peter of all people.  Wade was nice enough, but rougher than he was used to.  Wade, sensing this, ended things a couple of days in.

 

“What about the start of this year?”

 

“I haven’t been with anyone since Wade.  Last test was a month before I met you.  Came back clean.”

 

“Same here,” Steve says as Bucky yawns.

 

“There’s a few more things I want to go over, you up for it?”  Bucky nods as he snuggles into Steve some.  Steve runs his hand up and down Bucky’s arm for a minute and kisses the top of his head.

 

“What’s your safe word?”

 

“We can’t use it.”

 

“Excuse me?” Steve says, Bucky thinks he sounds angry.  He mumbles it.

 

“Can’t hear you handsome,” now Bucky knows he’s angry.

 

“Captain America.  Only ever actually used it with Grant.”

 

“I was your safe… Bucky…”  Steve tips his chin up and kisses him softly.

 

“What about with everyone else?”

 

“Same.  But we used the color system too.  I told all of them if I safe worded it meant we couldn’t do it again.  But if I used red I would be willing to try whatever it was again at a later point.  But if you want me to safe word for that I can.”

 

“No, that’s fine.  And were you okay with the tap system for blow jobs?” 

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“I reserve the right to use the color system as well.  It’s a deal breaker.”

 

“Of course sir.  Thank you.”

 

“We should discuss limits.”

 

“What if I change my mind?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Normally I don’t mind being held down but I’m not into bondage.  I can’t be confined.  Part of the anxiety.  But I mean that was with Grant and Erik.  Scott never tried because it was on my list of no.  I just… I felt really safe with you.  I don’t want to say don’t tie me up ever and then have you say we can’t try it because it’s one of my no’s.”

 

“We discuss it if you change your mind.  I want this to be good for you.  You do know you’re in charge.  If you say we stop, we stop.  If you say you want to try something I’m not going to dismiss it.”

 

“Okay.  I’m not ever going to call you daddy.  Sorry just…  Don’t laugh.  Steve….” Bucky says dissolving into laughter.

 

“Sir is more than fine.”

 

“If,,…sometimes I can’t always talk when an anxiety attack happens.  I need… I mean I know you’d stop you’d know and you’d stop but…”

 

“Tap system?”

 

“Yeah.  That’s good.  Oh no choking me.”

 

“What about spanking?”

 

“Um… I don’t know.  Scott did it playfully.  Like he’d swat my ass if I got too mouthy.  But… Grant…. It was awful.  Wade tried and I broke down.  So I don’t know,” he looks away ashamed.  He should be able to say yes to anything Steve wants.  He’s supposed to.

 

“Handsome, no, it’s about making you feel good.  Didn’t any of those assholes tell you that.  It’s about you.  You’re in charge.  I may be giving the orders but you run the show,” Bucky looks back over at him and then climbs into his lap.  
  
“I.... Steve kisses his temple.

 

“What do you need, Buck?”

 

“This is good.  Being held is good.”

 

“Okay.  You want to get some sleep?”

 

“Not really sleepy.  Do you have limits, sir?”

 

“I’m not going to torture you in any way.  Not my thing.”

 

“Good.  Not mine either.”

 

“What about orgasm denial?”  Bucky moans.

 

“Delay too.  But you knew that already.  Is torture the only limit you have?”

 

“I don’t usually deny the guy I’m with.  But it’s not a hard limit.  With the ads the whole purpose was to get the other guy off.”

 

“Oh.  Hadn’t thought of that.  Sir, please…” Bucky says when Steve tweaks his nipple.

 

“Just a few more questions. You can be a good boy can’t you and answer them?”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“Good.  Pain?”

 

“Little bits.  But again, like with the spanking we might have to work up to it.”

 

“Before I’ll even consider being inside you with more than my finger you have to come up with a new safe word.”

 

“TARDIS.”

 

“What?”

 

“My safe word.  TARDIS.”

 

“Bucky, you can’t just make up a word and think I’m going to be okay with it.”

 

“I knew it.  I knew you weren’t going to get the reference.  Where’s your list?”  Bucky asks and Steve can tell this isn’t enjoying picking on him.  It’s something else.

 

“Okay, what’s gotten into you?  You’re like a kid at Christmas.  Buck, what’s going on?”

 

“How can they have not told you about Doctor Who?  Man Stark and Banner are slacking.  The rest of them I get, but Stark and Banner not telling you about it, well that’s criminal.  There all fixed.  I’ll go home tomorrow and get my sets.  Unless you have Amazon Prime.  Otherwise we’ll have to use my DVD’s.”

 

“Wait, back up.  Start over what are you talking about?”

 

“Only the best show in British Sci-fi history.  I’d say all of sci-fi bit I love classic Trek too much.  Cheesy as it is.  You’re going to love it.  We’ll start with the first Doctor work our way up.  We have almost a year to get through it all.  Shouldn’t be that hard.  Even if we do have fifty plus years to get through.”

 

“So this TARDIS is a thing in a TV show?”

 

“She’s a hell of a lot more than that.  Best ship in all of time and space. Long story.”

 

“All right TARDIS it is,” Steve says kissing him with a chuckle.

 

“What about aftercare, and please tell me that was not a foreign thing,” Steve says when he pulls away.

 

“Water is a given.  And touching., like you did when you held my hand.  I’m usually okay with dashing to the bathroom to get a cloth.  But not always,” he looks down.

 

“Handsome?”

 

“Sorry I’m fine.”

 

“No you’re not.  What’s wrong?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Is it anxiety?”

 

“No.  I think… with everyone else this took five seconds.  I’m not used not having to rush through it.  With Scott he thought the whole reason I thrust a piece of paper at him with everything was because I was too nervous to really talk about it.  Wasn’t till later he realized what had gone on.”

 

Steve takes a few deep breaths.  Even back when he was skinny he always made sure to talk it out with the other person.  That these bastards wouldn’t give Bucky at least that courtesy pisses him off.  Bucky shifts so he can look at him.  He leans up and kisses him.

 

“Hey, it’s okay.  No one… except Grant, who didn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone but himself, hurt me.  Steve, sir, I’m okay,” Steve kisses him again.  He shifts Bucky so he’s leaning into him with his back against Steve’s chest.

 

“What about with the anxiety attacks?  What do you need then?”

 

Bucky doesn’t say anything.  He can’t he’s too shocked.  No one’s ever asked him what he needed then.  Scott just had him breathe through it.  It would usually work.  Steve asks him again a little firmer.  Bucky tries to tell him and nothing comes out.  He’s getting upset.  He doesn’t want Steve to think he can’t answer simple questions.

 

“Sorry.  It varies.  Depends on how bad it is.  Sorry I don’t have a firmer answer, sir.”

 

“It’s all right. Just promise me you’ll tell me what you need if I ask you.”

 

“I promise.  Might take a bit though.  My heads not always clear.”

 

“Do you have meds for it.  Sam said they have those now.”

 

“I do.  I keep it in my back pack.”

 

“While you’re here I want them where I can get them easily just in case,” Bucky kisses him and then goes and grabs them out of his bag.  He puts them on Steve’s nightstand and then resumes his spot.

 

“I usually take one.  Half the pill doesn’t usually work.”

 

“Okay.  Do you have to take it with anything special, like food?”

 

“No, but I usually take it with something that has flavor.  They’re really chalky and bitter.  But if water’s all you’ve got I can use it,” he adds quickly.

 

Bucky realizes Steve’s been running his hands all over him while they’ve talked.  He moans when Steve cups his growing erection. Bucky moves so he’s laying down giving Steve better access.  Steve runs his hand from Bucky’s balls to his hole and Bucky grunts.  He bucks his hips.  He mewls slightly when Steve once again runs his finger around his hole.

 

“Handsome, you think you’re up for another round?”

 

“Please Steve.  Want to feel you inside.”

 

Steve kisses him then reaches into his nightstand and pulls out lube and a condom.  Bucky frowns slightly at the sight of it.  But Steve gives him a look that says they either use protection or Bucky doesn’t get to have Steve inside him.

 

“You’ll tell me if it hurts at all.  Even the slightest discomfort.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Steve kisses him.

 

Bucky pulls back to moan.  Steve’s worked his index finger inside and it feels amazing.  He wants more.  Steve kisses him and tells him good things come to those who wait.  Bucky moans even louder and finds himself glad Tony soundproofed the apartment.  By the time Steve’s about to add a third finger Bucky is so blissed out he’s not sure which end is up.

 

“That’s it Buck, you’re doing so well handsome.  God, you’re so tight.  You’re going to feel amazing.  Do you want to come now?  Or wait until I’m inside you?  Come on handsome, you’ve got to use your words,” Steve finishes when Bucky does nothing but moan.

 

“Inside.  Please sir.  Let me come when you’re inside.  Want to come when you do.  Oh God please, sir More.  Another finger.  Feels so good.”

 

Steve eases one more in and works at hitting Bucky’s prostate.  He does so and Bucky howls.  He’s already so strung out and Steve finds it beautiful.  He tells Bucky as much and Bucky moans in response.  He doesn’t want to wait anymore.

 

“Handsome. What’s your color?”

 

“Green,” Bucky slurs.  Steve realizes he’s barely focusing.

 

“Handsome, look at me,” Bucky blinks and does as he’s been told.

 

“There we go,” Steve kisses him as he puts the condom and slick on.

 

“I want you to tell me if it hurts at all.”

 

“Yes… Steve,” Bucky says slowly.

 

Steve eases inside.  He moans at how tight Bucky feels around him.  He tells Bucky how good he feels and Bucky shifts back a bit.  Steve asks him his color again before he starts to move.  Bucky doesn’t respond.

 

“Buck, handsome, what’s your color?”  Steve asks again running his hands up Bucky’s back into his hair.  Bucky responds with a whine.  Steve’s not sure what to do but when he goes to pull out Bucky clings. 

 

“Al right, we’re going to go with headshakes, is that all right handsome?”  Steve asks.  Bucky nods.

 

“Does it hurt?”  Bucky shakes his head no and kisses Steve.  He rests his head on Steve’s shoulder and takes a few deep breaths.

 

“Need…. Steve….  Don’t…. Give… fuck.”  Bucky’s sounding more agitated as he goes on.  Steve tries to pull out again and Bucky clings.

 

“Yellow,” Bucky finally gets out. 

 

“That’s good,” Steve says kissing his neck and running his fingers through Bucky’s hair. 

 

Bucky’s not sure what’s going on.  He feels really good.  A bit floaty. It’s never happened before.  He knows in Steve’s arms he’s safe though.  That Steve will take care of him.  Will check in with him.  Will make sure nothing bad happens.  Steve is holding his hand again.  Rubbing his fingers over his knuckles.  Bucky’s slowly starting to feel less floaty.  He moans and thinks it sound like either move or green. It must be one of the two because Steve’s started slowly moving inside him.  And just like that he’s back to the floaty place.

 

Somewhere along the way Steve has picked up the pace and he’s hitting all the right spots.  Bucky can feel it.  He’s going to come soon.  He hears Steve tell him to come when he’s ready and just like that Bucky does with a long drawn out moan of Steve’s name.  Steve goes to pull out and Bucky clings again.  Begs him to stay for a bit longer.  To not go anywhere.

 

“Right here.  Buck.  I’m right here.  Handsome, what do you need?”

 

“Thirsty and a little cold.”

 

“Can I get up?  I’ll go slow.”

 

“Okay,” Bucky says, moaning slightly when Steve pulls out.

 

Steve disappears for all of a minute then he’s back with a cloth and glass of water which he tells Bucky to sip slowly.  Bucky does so and then curls up on top of Steve.  He makes patterns on Steve’s chest and lets himself drift a bit.  Steve’s running his hands up and down Bucky’s arms and telling him he loves him.  Bucky leans up for a kiss which Steve gladly gives.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Really good.  I scared you, sorry.”

 

“I’m not going to lie, you getting nonverbal worried me.  Was the way we did it okay?”

 

“Perfect.  Steve, do you have any idea how safe you made me feel?  I knew I could let go and you’d be there to make sure everything was safe for me.  Sorry not making much sense.  I didn’t mean to scare you.  I’m….”  Steve kisses him.

 

“It’s okay.  We got through it.  And you didn’t scare me.  Was I concerned, yes, but you let me know what you needed.  That’s what’s important.  Just promise me if it does ever hurt you’ll figure out a way to let me know.”

 

Bucky gapes at him for a minute.  He knows Steve isn’t like all the other guys he’s dated.  But sex hadn’t been on the table.  He turns away from Steve and tries to move away but he moves with him.  He kisses his shoulder.  He doesn’t know how to explain to Steve that he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.  He’s waiting for Steve to decide he’s had his fill.  It’ll kill the mood. 

 

“Buck. What’s wrong?  What did I say?”

 

“Nothing.  I should get home.”

 

“If… Bucky, handsome, what’s wrong?”  Steve asks again when Bucky doesn’t get out of bed.  Bucky wants to explain to Steve what’s going on in his head.  He really does.

 

“I know it’s only been a few weeks, but I love you.  Like could see myself growing old with you type love you.”

 

“Oh.  This is what Sharon meant when she said she believed me.”

 

“What?  When did she?  The night I got drunk.  Damn it.  She should have left it alone.  I’m sorry”.

 

“Don’t be.  Bucky I’m not going to dump you now that we’ve had sex.  You’re not getting rid of me.  I love you.  I don’t do that easily.  Comes from being sick all the time before the serum.  And now, well finding someone I can share things with isn’t as easy as it seems.  Those girls Nat set me up with?  It was awful.  They didn’t understand half the things I talked about, and starting the conversation took half an hour.  But then I met you.  And we talked for hours.  More importantly, you listened.  I mean really listened.  You actually wanted to know what I thought.  And I thought, oh he’s just humoring me because he’s got that paper due.  But then we went to Coney Island and dinner.  I knew then there was something about you.  I’ve only felt the way I felt about you that day one other time in my life.  And that was Peggy.”

 

“But you said you weren’t sure the two of you would have stayed together after the war.”

 

“I know I loved her.  I went into that ice in love with her.  I could have married her.  Probably would have asked.”

 

“Oh,” Bucky says getting back under the covers.  Steve kisses him.

 

“I do this you know.  I get too in my head.”

 

“Then I’ll just have to distract you,” Steve says kissing him again.

 

“Steve,” Bucky moans as he kisses down his neck.

 

“I love you.  I’m not going anywhere.  I want to stay if you want me to,” Bucky kisses him then, whispering forever into the kiss.  Steve settles himself so Bucky can curl up on him.  He tells him to get some sleep.  Bucky’s out before he finishes saying it. 

 

He wakes at four to find Steve easing out of bed.  He kisses Bucky on the forehead and tells him he’ll be back in an hour or so, but not to worry if he’s gone longer.  He’s got a debrief run with Tony and Sam.  Bucky says okay and curls himself around Steve’s pillow to go back to sleep.   He wakes again at six and gets out of bed.  Steve’s sitting on the couch reading the paper.

 

“Morning,” Bucky says kissing the top of his head as he passes. 

 

Bucky could get really used to this.  Though he would want to be up before Steve got back so he could at least have coffee waiting for him.  And on Sundays he’d have big break…. Bucky realizes he’s been saying it all out loud and looks over at Steve who’s positively beaming at him.  He’s also coming over to him.  He cups Bucky’s cheek and kisses him long and soft.  Bucky melts into it.

 

“Move in with me,” Steve says when they part.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's a guy to do when their life is going at warp speed? Oh right hang on and hope they don't fall apart. And if Captain America's willing to come along for the ride all the better.
> 
> Or Steve proves to Bucky he's not just in it for the sex.

Bucky gapes at him.  He’s not sure he heard right.  Why would Steve want to move in with him after a few days?  Hell why would he want to move in with him at all?  He’s sure he’s heard wrong.

 

 

“What?”

 

 

“Move in with me.”

 

 

“Did Becca put you up to this?”

 

 

“Nope.”

 

 

“Don’t you want to date a bit first?”

 

 

“Wait, I thought we had been

 

 

“Steve it’s been less than a month.  We’ve known each other less than a month.  And yes I love you.  I know that’s not going to change.”

 

 

“You’re still not sure about me.”

 

 

“No, it’s not that.  I just….  You really want to do this?”

 

 

“Wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.  If it’s too soon I get it.  Don’t like it, but I get it,” Steve says, trying to keep his voice even.

 

“I… you really want to move in with me.  You really don’t care we’ve known each other less than a month.  You love me.  You really do.”

 

 

“Buck, you okay?”

 

 

“I’m…. Wanda says I date guys who treat me like a hole in the mattress.  They only care about themselves.  Sharon used to get worried I’d never find anyone different.  It’s why she asked the other night.  When I told Ma about how I felt Becca was floating around the room eavesdropping.  She said she was pretty sure you were different.  She said she thought I might have final found my prince charming.  Then picked on me about how it was you.  So I couldn’t tell if she was serious.  I want to believe you.  I don’t want to doubt how you feel.  I’ve seen enough to know that’s going to kill the relationship, which is the last thing I want to do.  I’m going to screw this up aren’t I?  You’re going to get sick of having to reassure me all the…”  Steve kisses him.

 

 

“You know the story of the ugly duckling right?”

 

 

“Yeah.  Why?”

 

 

“Mama used to always tell me I was a swan, but that she was the only one who could see it.  Said eventually someone would.  She used to tell me that every time I came home upset because no one picked me for their team for stickball.  Look I know it’s not the same thing.  And it’s probably a really bad analogy.  But what I’m trying to say is I’m never going to tire of telling you I love you.  Of telling you I want to be with you because you’re you, and not because your gorgeous.  I mean that’s part of it.  But what’s in here,” Steve says tapping over Bucky’s heart, “that’s what I fell in love with.”

 

 

“Ask me again.”

 

 

“Move in with me?”

 

 

“Yes,” Bucky says kissing him.  Steve laughs as they part and drags Bucky over to the other bedroom.

 

 

“If you’re not…. If it really is too soon for us to be more than roommates, you can sleep in here.  Come stay in my room when you’re ready. “

 

 

“What about rent and bills?”  Bucky asks trying to be practical. 

 

 

“There is no rent.  Howard bought the building after the war.  I live here rent free for as long as I want.  We can spit everything else; for as long as you’re using the second bedroom.  But once you’re in with me for a week straight that ends. It’s not that much anyway.”

 

 

“And what about cooking and cleaning?”  Steve laughs then kisses him.

 

 

“We’ll figure it out.”

 

 

“I’m going to need a firmer answer than that Captain.”

 

 

“Buck, honestly just clean up after yourself.  I can cook.”

 

 

“I was fine with we’ll figure it out.  My mother though will be very happy with your answers.”

Steve kisses him and steers him out of the room and into his own.  Bucky feels his knees hit the bed and climbs up it.  Steve joins him and Bucky thinks they’re going to go for round three.  He pouts when Steve just wraps himself around him.  Steve chuckles into the back of his neck and kisses it.

 

 

“Nap first.  I’m still recharging from last night.”

 

 

“Wait what about the serum?”

 

 

“The bruising,” Steve says.  Then Bucky’s maneuvering him so he’s on his back.   

 

 

He gets Steve’s shirt up and gasps at how bad the bruises are.  He kisses each one.  Then he curls up on Steve’s less bruised side.  He kisses him and tells him to get some sleep.  Steve kisses him again and is out like a light a few minutes later.  Bucky waits a bit then gets up and grabs his bag.  He takes out his laptop and notebook and then sets to work. 

 

 

When Steve wakes up a few hours later Bucky’s got a bunch of emails drafted.  He’s got promotional materials sketched out, though he’s not happy with them.  But Wanda’s brother Pietro is a graphic designer, he should be able to make them work.    Steve shifts so he’s wrapped around Bucky with his chin hooked over his left shoulder. 

 

 

“You already have exhibits mapped out?  Some of these look…. You really did start thinking about this when you were younger didn’t you?”

 

 

“Yeah.  Course back then it was going to finish with you going into the ice.  So it wouldn’t have been all that exciting.  I didn’t really have much about before the serum either.  I want…”  Bucky stops speaking and starts to put everything away.

 

 

“Buck, what is it you want?”

 

 

“Doesn’t matter.  It’s not….”  Steve shifts again and gets up so he can sit in front of Bucky.

 

 

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

 

 

“I want to expand the part on you before the serum.  But there’s not really enough and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable with it.”

 

 

“I won’t be.   Let me check with the Smithsonian.  When Howard died Tony shipped all of my stuff to them.  He didn’t want it.  They’d started talking about doing an exhibit.  I’ll add it to the list for things Monday.”

 

 

“All right.  I already emailed them introducing myself and attached my proposal.  I also emailed a few of the realtors for the buildings Becca picked out.  I figure I can use the apartment area as an office and for storing the exhibits if I want to change them out.”

 

 

“Would you…. Could I come with you?  I promise to be wear a baseball cap and glasses.  What?” Steve asks at the look on Bucky’s face.

 

 

“I don’t care if you come with me.  I want you to.  I want you to be a part of the process.  Look, we haven’t really talked about this.  But I was always going to include you in as much of it as I could.  Here, read this,” he says pulling up an email on his laptop.

 

 

It’s an email introducing Bucky to Steve; explaining what his idea is.  To Steve’s surprise it’s dated the day they officially announced he’d been found and was working for SHIELD.  Then Steve sees it had been forwarded back to him by none other than Nick Fury.  Steve sees red when he reads Nick’s reply telling Bucky he couldn’t do it.

 

 

“I never saw the original.  I swear to you I never saw it.  If I had….”  Bucky kisses him.

 

 

“I figured that out when I mentioned it to you when we first met.  It’s okay.  I wasn’t ready then anyway.”

 

 

Steve’s about to say something when there’s a knock at the door.  Bucky jumps up and runs to get it.  Steve chuckles as he watches him throw open the door.  There stands Sharon and another girl who are looking at him like he’s crazy.

 

 

“You just met him less than a month ago.  Bucky, this is not what I would call wise,” he doesn’t recognize the person’s voice and realizes it must be Wanda.

 

 

“What Wanda means to say is are you sure.   I don’t think you can handle another Grant Ward situation.  You remember how that ended?  You in the hospital,” Sharon says. 

 

 

“And don’t you dare give us the ‘he’s Captain America guys, he’s not like that’ spiel.  I don’t care if he is.  You have known him for a MONTH Bucky.  A month.”

 

 

“Wanda would you keep your voice down.  He’s right in the bedroom.”

 

 

“James Buchanan Barnes tell me you are not already sleeping with him,” Sharon says sounding outraged.

 

 

“We did.  But he’s insisted I take the spare room until I feel comfortable.”

 

 

“Grant did a lot of nice things till you felt comfortable too.”

 

 

“Wanda, please.  I love him.”

 

 

Steve’s not sure what’s going on.  He wants to try and snoop but it’s none of his business.  Then he hears Sharon again, it’s too quiet so he can’t make out what she’s saying but when Bucky responds it takes everything in him to not go to him.

 

 

“Sharon, look he already told you he’s not going anywhere.  I know Grant said all the right things whenever anyone asked questions.  But that was my fault.  I knew how… Wanda it was.  I should have left a long time before I did.”

 

 

“Have you told Steve about him?” Wanda asks

 

 

“We had a really long discussion. He knows everything, except high school.”

 

 

“You told him about Erik?” Sharon asks.

 

 

“Yeah, and Scott. Look he knows about everyone. He still stayed. I told him about being in the hospital after Grant. Guys please just be happy for me,” that’s when Steve decides he’s heard enough.

 

 

“Bucky, you’ve got an email.  The building over on Remsen and Third.   Guy’s willing to… Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize you ladies were here,” Steve says coming out of the bedroom not giving the girls time to respond.

 

 

Bucky looks at him and is amazed to find his hair wet.  He didn’t hear the shower run.  Steve smiles at the girls and gives Bucky a kiss on the cheek.  He grabs a cup of coffee then disappears back into the bedroom.

 

 

“Come on Wanda that’s our cue to leave.  But this isn’t finished Barnes.  And you know we’re both only like this because we love you.”

 

 

“Love you too,” Bucky says giving them each a hug.

 

 

“There is no email is there?”  Bucky asks coming into the bedroom and leaning against the door jamb.

 

 

“No, there is.  Guy on Remsen said he had a couple of hours free later today.  I told him you’d meet him at two.”

 

 

“Oh,” Bucky says looking anywhere but at Steve.

 

 

“You know I’m not mad right.  I get it, and given your history I’d be right there with them if I weren’t with you.”

 

 

“I know.  Steve if this is too much.  If you don’t want to be with ne.  I’ll go.”

 

 

“Sharon told me you said you didn’t want me to have to deal with your shit.  But Buck, I want to.  I want to be here for you.  I’m not going to promise you I’ll always know what to say to make it better, but don’t feel like you can’t come to me.  I want to take care of you, if you’ll let me.”

 

 

“Okay,” Bucky says quietly.  Steve knows he doesn’t believe him.  He wishes he had some way to prove it.  He crooks his finger and Bucky comes and sits in his lap.   Steve kisses him softly.

 

 

“Are you hungry?  You never did make it to breakfast with Sharon and Wanda.”

 

 

“Yeah, I was gonna run home and grab some of my stuff. Tell Ma I was moving in. Have breakfast there.”

 

 

“All right. Do you want any help?”

 

 

“I…. um…. Can I just…..”

 

 

“Bucky, handsome, what is it?”

 

 

“I’ve got it. Thanks though,” Steve knows that’s not what Bucky was going to say but he’s not going to push.

 

 

“Okay. If you change your mind just call me.”

 

 

Bucky gets off of Steve’s lap and scurries off into the bathroom. He locks the door and gets the shower running. Then he sinks down to the floor and cries. He’s so overwhelmed he’s not sure which end is up. Everything is moving way too fast. Maybe Sharon and Wanda are right. Maybe he should hold off. But Steve loves him. Steve isn’t anything like Grant Ward. He really truly seems to love him. He’s gentle with him. He treats him with respect. He’s never once raised a hand to him. His mind takes that moment to remind him Grant was like that in the beginning too.

 

 

Bucky’s not sure how long he’s been in there but it must be a long time because Steve’s using the door off his bedroom to get in to the bathroom. Then he’s got the water off and Bucky in his arms. He gets them out of the tub and Bucky dried off. He puts Bucky in a pair of his sweats and leads him to bed. There’s a tray with pancakes and eggs as well as bacon on the nightstand. There’s also a cup of coffee and orange juice. Bucky collapses into Steve.

 

 

His breaths are starting to even out. He’s stopped crying. But the feeling of being overwhelmed hasn’t gone away. Steve’s holding his hand running his thumb over Bucky’s knuckles. Bucky finds it incredibly soothing. He sits up and grabs a piece of bacon. It’s still warm.

 

 

“Sorry.”

 

 

“Why?”

 

 

“I just had a complete breakdown in your shower and you’re wondering,” Steve runs his thumb up to Bucky’s wrist and rubs there.

 

 

“What can I do? What do you need?”

 

 

Bucky wants to tell him he needs to get out of his own head. But that’s never gone well for him. So he doesn’t. He shrugs instead and grabs a glass of orange juice to chug down. Steve takes his wrist and kisses it.

 

 

“I tell you what, I’ll go for a run. You can stay here and decompress or you can go.”

 

 

“But I want you to stay.”

 

 

“I can do that. Whatever you need.”

 

 

Bucky grabs the other orange juice and chugs that one down too. He knows it’s not going to get rid of the lump in his throat but he can still try. Steve kisses the top of his head and whispers he’ll be back into his hair. When he comes back he’s got a carafe full of orange juice and a couple of bottles of water as well.

 

 

“Everything’s…. I feel like everything is spinning out of control. Look, I love you. I really do. But….”

 

 

“You want to wait to move in,” Steve says.  Bucky notes he doesn’t sound upset.

 

 

“Just let me keep my stuff wherever I set up the museum for a bit.  Move in gradually.  Probably should have mentioned I’m a basket case.”

 

 

“No you’re not.  Don’t… I mean it when I say I want to help.  I mean it when I say I’ll do whatever you need, give you whatever you need.”

 

 

Bucky doesn’t say anything. He’s not sure what to say. He wants to believe Steve, he’s mostly sure he can. He grabs another piece of bacon. Steve shifts himself so he’s leaning against the headboard, then be shifts Bucky carefully so he sitting against his chest.

 

 

“You want me to go warm the pancakes? They’re probably cold.”

 

 

“Steve, I can do it. You just got comfortable,” Bucky says with a small chuckle.

 

 

Bucky gets up and pecks Steve on the lips and then takes the pancakes into the kitchen. He realizes he must have been in the shower for a long time given the fact Steve had time to do dishes as well. He warms the pancakes in the oven instead of the microwave and then goes back into the bedroom.

He places them on the tray and Steve pulls him onto the bed so he can resume his spot. He settles in and Steve starts running his hands up and down Bucky’s arms. It feels amazing and Bucky melts into it a bit more.

 

 

“Bucky you’ve got to eat more than just a few pieces of bacon,” Steve says with a tone that has Bucky turning to look at him with an arched brow.

 

 

“It’s not an order, Buck.”

 

 

“Oh. Sorry.”

 

 

“It came out harsher than I meant for it to. I’m worried about you. And I know you said you’re feeling better, but you’re being quieter than normal.”

 

 

Bucky shifts so he can grab a plate and a few of the pancakes. He’s so not used to this. His mother knows of his anxiety and does what she can. Leaves his favorite foods in the cupboards. Makes sure the house isn’t cluttered. She’s always willing to stay home with him on the really bad days. But she’s his mother and it’s what mothers do. Having someone he’s in a relationship with care for him like this is a foreign concept. When he registers that the hand holding the plate is having its knuckles rubbed he realizes he’s been speaking out loud.

 

 

“Frogs. Every single one of them.” Steve says kissing Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky sets his empty plate aside and snuggles back in.

 

 

Steve resumes rubbing Bucky’s arms, noting the content sounds he’s making. He kisses his shoulder or the side of his neck every now and then. Soon he hears Bucky’s breathing even out and finds he’s fallen asleep.

 

 

“I love you. You should be cherished and loved. And somehow, I’m going to prove it to you,” Steve says kissing the side of his neck. He makes sure to keep up what he’s doing.

 

 

Steve lets Bucky sleep till noon. When he wakes up he seems calmer and lighter. He leans back and kisses Steve’s chin, whispering ‘thank you’ into the skin. Bucky snuggles back in and Steve has to remind him he wants to run home.

 

 

“I did; but I packed a bag. I was just going to go home and talk to Ma anyway. I just want to stay here. I’ll call her after the meeting. Is that okay?”

 

 

“Of course it is,” Steve says continuing to run his hands up and down Bucky’s arms and kissing the top of his head.

 

 

“What time is it?”  Bucky asks. He knows he could move to look at the clock but he’s so comfortable.  And that floaty feeling is back.  He doesn’t want it to go away.

 

 

“It’s noon.  I can wake you up at one fifteen if that’ll be enough time for you to get ready.”

 

 

“You’ll stay?”  Bucky asks, worried Steve will leave.

 

 

“I’ll stay.”

 

 

“Okay.”

 

 

Bucky isn’t sure if he actually sleeps or if he just sort-of drifts. All he knows is with Steve rubbing his arms he feels calmer than he has in days, like he did the other night when they had sex. Every time Steve kisses the top of his head or his shoulder he wants to shift so he can get a real kiss but that would take too much effort. Steve reaches and takes one of his hands and rubs his knuckles then brings the hand up to kiss it. Bucky sighs happily.

 

 

“Handsome, you can come if you need to whenever you want,” Steve whispers into his hair. Bucky does and it’s amazing. He feels amazing. He lets himself drift a bit more before shifting again so he can kiss Steve.

 

 

“Wow,” he says slightly out of breath.

 

 

“Yeah,” Steve says kissing him.

 

 

“Do we have time to talk or do we need to get ready?” Bucky asks nervously. This hasn’t happened before, and yet, if Steve says they have to wait to talk he finds he’s okay with that.

 

 

“We have to get ready. But I promise we’ll talk when we get back. Why don’t you go hop in the shower? I’ll go do the dishes.”

 

 

“Okay,” Bucky says pecking him on the lips then getting up and grabbing his bag.

He still feels a little floaty. But not so much so that he can’t function. He doesn’t hear Steve start to move until he’s starred running the shower. When he comes out of the bathroom he finds the bed made and Steve freshly showered as well. Steve pecks him on the lips then grabs his baseball cap and aviators. Bucky lets out a laugh.

 

 

“Everyone in the neighborhood knows you, right?”

 

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

 

“Then skip the disguise. Everyone also knows Tony’s giving me the grant. We just say part of the deal was that you get to help pick the site.”

 

 

“All right.”

 

 

They go check out the building and Bucky immediately falls in love with it. He starts telling Steve what he would put in each of the rooms for the exhibits. When they go up and look at the offices Bucky’s impressed there’s so much room for storage. He’s already leaning towards taking it when they hit the third floor which would be the apartment.

 

 

He loves Steve’s place, he really does, but this, it feels like it’s meant to be. He’s picturing the type of furniture he wants. The bedroom has a skylight. The kitchen is amazing. He tells the man he’ll take it. Doesn’t even ask how much a month it is.  He doesn’t care. He wants this. He looks over at Steve who’s standing there beaming at him.

 

 

The building manager says he’ll get the paperwork to them by Tuesday morning at the latest. That he just needs to speak with the owner about rent. Bucky asks for an estimate, because he’s got to be practical about this he realizes, no matter how much he may want the building.  He’s looking around the room so he doesn’t notice Steve mouth a figure to the man.

 

 

“I’d say somewhere between a thousand and fifteen hundred a month.  Though given what you want to do he might be willing to come down a bit.  He’s got a soft spot for kids who want to learn.”

 

 

“Oh.  Wow.  That’s a lot less than I was expecting.  Thank you,” he says shaking the man’s hand.  He tells him he’ll be looking forward to his call.

 

 

They head back outside and Bucky is telling Steve which room he’s going to use for which exhibits.  He says that the room with all the sunlight on the first floor he’ll use as the gift shop because he doesn’t want any of Steve’s things to be ruined.  He’s got most of it mapped out in his head and they’re almost back to Steve’s when Bucky stops dead in his tracks.  Steve looks over to make sure everything is okay only to find Bucky looking at him with a strange look on his face.

 

 

“Buck?”

 

 

“This is the address for the building Becca found.  I thought it was nice but it wasn’t top of my list.  Steven Grant Rogers…. Roger Grant.  You dropped the Steven took the S off your last name and really thought I wouldn’t figure it out eventually?  Oh and you do realize you could get like five thousand a month for that place right?  Given the condition it’s in.  Hell the apartment alone is worth that much.”

 

 

“When I first came out of the ice, and after New York, everything was bit too much.  I thought a career change might be in order.  But I’m an artist not an architect and Tony offered me my childhood home free of charge.  So I took it and hired Tim to look after the building for me.  Rent it out if he could.  Only it’s an older building and no one wants to renovate it, they want to tear it down and start over.  I don’t want that to happen.   I’ve been waiting for someone to fall in love with it like I did.  And yes I know I could get more for it; but I want you to be able to have the money focused on the museum.  I know you won’t take it rent free.  So I came up with the lowest figure I could think of that would seem reasonable.  I’m doing this because I believe in your idea.  Because I think you’re right.  I’m not doing this because I’m in love with you.  Look if you want me to increase the rent once the museum is off the ground we can discuss it.”

 

 

“You promise me you didn’t low ball the rent because we’re together.  If you say yes I’ll believe you,” Bucky says.  To Steve it sounds like a challenge.

 

 

“I really did this because I want to see the museum succeed.  Don’t believe me talk to Pepper Potts.  I asked her for thoughts on the rent.”

 

 

“I believe you, I just can’t believe you did this.  Thank you,” he says kissing him.

 

 

They get home and Bucky goes to call his mother.  Steve’s willing to let their talk wait a bit longer.  Though he really feels like they need to have one.  He putters around the kitchen for a bit then hears Bucky come into the living room and plop himself down on the couch.  Steve finishes in the kitchen then goes and sits opposite of Bucky on the couch.

 

 

“Ma said she wants to see the place.  Becca’s over the moon.  Can’t wait to have our room to herself.  I left out the part where you’re my landlord.  But I did tell her I told you about Grant and that you asked me to move in with you.  She’s glad I decided to wait.  Not because she doesn’t think you’re wonderful, she does.  But she knows how I am with a lot of change all at once.  I don’t really handle it well.  Like at all.  Which is what happened earlier in the bathroom.”  


 

Bucky gets up and starts to pace.  He knows what’s been happening.  Knows the word for it.  Has talked to enough people to know what it can feel like.  Knows he’s more submissive, in the bedroom anyway, but he hasn’t ever had that happen to him.  He can feel the overwhelming feeling coming back and whines a bit in the back of his throat.  He doesn’t think it’s loud enough for Steve to hear but he feels Steve take his hand on one of his passes.    Then he’s sitting between Steve’s legs and Steve’s holding him.

 

 

“Buck, relax.  Breathe for me,” Steve soothes.

 

 

“I… I’m…. I don’t…” Bucky can feel his skin prickling.

 

 

“Just focus on what I’m doing,” Steve says brushing his hair aside and kissing his neck.  Then he rubs his arms again.  Bucky starts to calm down.

 

 

“I don’t know how long I can have you do this for if we’re going to talk.”“How about this, I tell you what I think is going on and you correct me if I’m wrong.”

 

 

“Okay.  I can interrupt whenever?”

 

 

“Yeah, not an order Buck, just trying to help.  If you don’t want to do it that way, we don’t have to.”

 

 

“No, that works.”

 

 

“You’ve already told me you’re submissive in bed.  Don’t like to be ordered around outside of it.  I’m guessing that’s because of the anxiety.  But I’ve also gotten the sense that either during an anxiety attack or after, you want to get out of your head and one of the ways for you to do that is sex.  Which scares you because at the moment you want out of your head you also feel like everything spinning out of control,” Steve stops when Bucky shifts a bit to look at him.

 

 

“I know I haven’t said all that out loud.”

 

 

“No you haven’t.  Let me finish and I promise I’ll explain everything.  Unless, you’re freaked out by the fact I’m reading you so well.  I can explain now.”

 

 

“No I’m good.  After works.  Will you keep…”

 

 

 “If you shift back I will.  But focus on what I’m saying.”

 

 

“I will,” Bucky wants to say yes sir. Knows they aren’t in the bedroom and finds he doesn’t care.  Oh

there’s the feeling again.

 

 

“How much do you know about submission?”  Steve asks. He’s surprised how coherent Bucky is when he answers.

 

 

“Enough.  I’ve read up on it.  I know a few people.  I know I go into subspace.  I know what it is.  I just…. Until you I couldn’t get there.  My partners would Dom me.  I consented every time.  But it was just sex with everyone else.  I couldn’t let myself go.  There was always some reason I didn’t feel relaxed enough to.   Charles told me when I found the right Dom I might be able to.  But that it wasn’t something I should expect to happen. I did it that first night at the window.  I just didn’t want to scare you off.  I don’t want to scare you off.”

 

 

“You aren’t going to.  That’s not the only thing scaring you is it?”  Bucky shakes his head no but is otherwise silent.

 

 

“If this is going to work you’ve got to talk to me.  I promise you I’m not going to go screaming for the hills.  I promise you, you still make all the decisions.  If you don’t want to do something we don’t.”

 

 

“When you told me to eat today, in my head you gave me an order.  And when you told me to focus on what you were saying now, in my head it was an order.  I know, before you say it, you didn’t mean it that way.  But….”

 

 

“Grant used to do things like that.  Other guys too and you didn’t like it.  Weren’t comfortable with it,” Bucky nods.

 

 

“But with you I get warm all over.  I could see myself being okay with… following my Captain’s orders and then I worry if I tell you that you’re going to….”  Steve quiets him with a soft kiss.

 

 

“Breathe, Buck.  Just breathe.  I’m not going to get pissed unless you start calling me Captain America in bed.  And even then I’ll be more annoyed than pissed.  But I’m not going to leave you.  I’m not really comfortable with it either.  But I like taking care of you.  Making sure you’re looked after.  I like making you feel safe.”

 

 

“Steve,” Bucky says shifting so he can kiss him.

 

 

“Hey, none of that yet.  We’re talking remember?” Bucky pouts.

 

 

“Just a few more questions then I’ll tell you how I know so much.”

 

 

“Okay,” he says settling himself against Steve again.

 

 

“Does actually going into subspace scare you?”

 

 

“No it feels good.  Amazing really.  Talking is tough though so the headshakes were a good thing.  Cause I knew what you were asking.  I just couldn’t remember words.”

 

 

“Okay.  Good.”

 

 

“I got a little scared today,” Bucky says quietly.  


 

“When?” 

 

 

“You were holding me, running your hands up and down my arms.  I went into subspace and came.  That’s never happened before.  But even though it was little scary I still felt safe.  I knew you wouldn’t let anything happen.  Scott always just curled up with me let me pick the movie or T.V. show.  Or he’d read comics to me.  Which is stupid I know.  He was always afraid to have sex with me after an attack.”

 

 

“Did reading to you help?”

 

 

“Yeah.”

 

 

“Then it wasn’t stupid.  I could probably find some to read.”

 

 

“Oh you don’t have to do that.  I don’t need you to do that,” Bucky says sounding like he wants to hide.

 

 

“They were Captain America comics weren’t they?”

 

 

“Yes.  I can go.”

 

 

“Bucky, why do you do that?  I’m not angry.  I just want to know.”

 

 

“Because eventually you’re going to get tired of me.  Everyone does.  Scott was the first guy who didn’t see it as just sex.  But we didn’t work out.  Then I met Grant and well eventually you’re….”

 

 

“Not going to happen.  All I need is for you to come to me if you need me.  I   don’t care if it’s just because you want to be close.  I don’t care if it’s because it’s been five minutes and you missed me.  And as for you having me around because you feel safer, if you need me to be a sort of security blanket I can do that.  If I’m on a mission it might be a little tougher but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.  

“I love you. Loving you means I don’t run off at the first sign of oh my god my boyfriend can’t give me what I need.  That’s not how it works.  At least not as far as I’m concerned it’s not.  Loving you means wanting to take care of you, especially when you have an anxiety attack.”

 

 

Bucky sits back against Steve and tries to process it all.  He’s not used to this.  Everyone else runs for the hills when he has an attack.  And if they’re really bad he needs someone to make sure he eats.  To make sure he gets out of his own head for a bit.  He needs someone to just be close by.  Bucky turns around so his face is pressed into Steve’s neck he realizes he’s crying.  Steve wraps himself around Bucky and tells him he loves him.  Bucky calms, but stays where he is.

 

 

“What can I do, handsome?”

 

 

“I… how did you get to be so wonderful? I don’t mean… I mean as a Dom?” It’s not really what he wants to say and it probably isn’t what Steve meant either but he wants to know. Steve kisses his temple and allows the question.

 

 

“The ads could sometimes lead to something more. There was an older gentleman who lived a few blocks down. Officially he paid me to do odd jobs and occasionally do a sketch. Unofficially we met through an ad. His wife had died, after being sick I think. He used to tell me that being gentle yet firm was what I did best. I’m not really into hurting people. But like you he liked things a little rough. I could do that. Look I’m not into humiliation. I refuse to call you a slut,” Bucky says something under his breath but urges Steve to continue.

 

 

“I can be firm. I can give you an order and punish you if you don’t follow it. I’m not really into denying you an orgasm at all for the night. But for a few hours I can and given the serum I can go a few hours.

I’m going to give you one order, if something I want even outside the bedroom gets to be too much, tell me. I’m not going to be angry. I’m not going to kick you to the curb. We’ll sit down and talk about it. Come up with a compromise if we can. If we can’t then we’ll drop it.”

 

 

“You promise to not get angry?” Bucky asks, sounding small.

 

 

“I can’t get angry with you for how you feel. I wouldn’t,” Steve says kissing his shoulder.

 

 

“You could.”

 

 

“No, handsome, _I can’t_.”

 

 

Bucky doesn’t say anything. He’s trying to process what Steve’s saying, but it’s a foreign concept. Even Scott, for as wonderful as he was used to get angry from time to time if Bucky didn’t want to go out and do something. He knows Steve isn’t like anyone he’s dated. He just hopes Steve can wait for him to not question everything he says. Steve’s rubbing his hand again.

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

 

“You don’t have to be sorry. If I have to keep reminding you I’m not going anywhere I can do that,” Steve say kissing his shoulder.

 

 

“Buck, you all right?” he asks when Bucky seems to melt into him more. Something suddenly seems off.

 

 

“I’m exhausted all of a sudden, like out of nowhere. It happens sometimes after really bad attacks. I can be fine for a bit then boom. Can you, would you, what you did before, rubbing my arms.”

 

 

“Do you need to go into subspace or sleep?”

 

 

“I’m being selfish. Never mind. I’m going to go crash in the spare room.”

 

 

“Bucky, wait,” Steve says and he knows he’s using what Tony calls the tone, but he wants this to be an order. He looks up at Steve then down again.

 

 

“Tell me what you want.”

 

 

“I don’t know. I’m wiped, but my mind is going non-stop with things I don’t want to think about. Like I said if I can sleep it’ll help.”

 

 

“Do you try to sleep to fend off the anxiety attacks?” 

 

 

“Sometimes.  Doesn’t always work though,” Bucky sags back against Steve.

 

 

“Come on, bed.”

 

 

“You can just stay out here I can go in the other room.”

 

 

“And if I wanted to make you feel good to help you sleep.  If I wanted to get you all relaxed before you slept would you say no?”

 

 

“You’d do that?”

 

 

“I told you, whatever you need.”

 

 

“Sir, please get me out of my head.”

 

 

“Go into my room.  Lie face down on the bed, naked.  And Bucky, don’t touch yourself,” Bucky pecks him on the lips then goes to do as he’s told.

 

 

Steve goes into the bathroom and grabs massage oil that Nat bought him in hopes he’d find someone willing to give him a massage.  He’ll have to see if Bucky’s willing to return the favor.  He goes into the bedroom and smiles at what he sees.  God Bucky’s beautiful.  He goes over to the bed and notices he’s already asleep. 

 

 

“Sweet dreams, handsome.  Don’t wake up and feel bad, we can always do what I had planned once you’re awake,” Steve says as he climbs into bed and takes him into his arms.  Bucky willingly moves into them and sighs in his sleep.

 

 

Bucky wakes half an hour later with a start. Steve runs his hands up and down Bucky’s arm.  Bucky snuggles back in and closes his eyes.  When Steve stops what he’s doing he whines in the back of his throat.

 

 

“More, please.”

 

 

“Do you need more sleep?”

 

 

“I’m still exhausted.  But what you’re doing feels good.”

 

 

“Roll onto your stomach for me.  And if you need to fall asleep don’t fight it all right?”

 

 

“Yes, sir,” he says doing as was asked. 

 

 

He hears the bottle snap open then feels Steve start rubbing the oil into his skin.  Steve’s worked out most of the knots in his back and has moved lower to just above his ass when he starts to feel floaty.  He hears himself ask for a finger inside, but it doesn’t sound like him.  His voice sounds strange to his own ears.  He fights to come back to himself he tries to sit up.

 

 

“Buck?  What’s your color?  


 

“Re…yell… I don’t… Steve,” Steve’s got him into his arms in seconds holding him.

 

 

“Ssh. You’re all right.  I’ve got you.  You were so good, telling me what you needed.”

 

 

Bucky shakes a bit and then opens his eyes.  He kisses Steve then rests his head in his shoulder.  He takes a few deep breaths before speaking.

 

 

“See this is why it doesn’t work.  I get freaked out.  I didn’t sound like myself.  I got scared.  And I couldn’t pick a color.  So no I didn’t really tell you what I needed.”

 

 

“You called me Steve.  Not sir.  Steve.”

 

 

“So what I safe worded out?  Cause we can’t use your name for my safe word,” Bucky knows he’s giving mixed signals.  Knows he’s testing Steve’s patience but he’s all over the place in his head.  And it’s coming out in a fight.  And for once he’s not sure he wants to get punished.

 

 

“Bucky,” Steve warns.

 

 

“Sir,” Bucky is on the verge of tears again.  He didn’t mean to start a fight.  But he’s not in a good headspace.  He really should have just… Steve’s rubbing his knuckles.  Bucky snuggles in.

 

 

“Handsome, what do you need me to do?”

 

 

“I don’t know.  I’m… the last time I got this overwhelmed I ended up… Steve.”

 

 

Steve kisses him.  He runs his hands up and down his arms and then runs his fingers through his hair. 

Bucky finally melts into him.  He kisses him until Bucky starts to squirm.  He needs to put the brakes on somehow. 

 

 

 “Are you hungry?”  Steve asks when they part, he’s realized it’s close to dinner time.

 

 

“Oh man it’s later than I thought.  I should check in.  When I talked to Ma earlier I told her I’d probably be home for dinner.  Let me just call her and tell her I’m going to spend the night here.  I am right?”

 

 

“Is that what you want?”

 

 

“Please, sir.”

 

 

“Then call her and tell her you’ll be home tomorrow some time before dinner,” Bucky shivers at the tone in Steve’s voice and goes to call her.

 

 

“Ma, I can be home tomorrow for dinner.  Oh you’re working tomorrow and the girls all have dates.  You sure you don’t want me home to make sure they don’t bring them up to their rooms.  Yes, Ma, I know you trust them.  So do I.  But the boys I don’t trust as far as I can throw.  All right I’ll come home Monday.  Love you too.  Oh I can just borrow something of Steve’s I’m sure it won’t be a problem.  Love you, see you Monday.”

 

 

Bucky hangs up and goes into the kitchen.  Whatever Steve is cooking smells delicious.  He watches him cook for a bit then goes in to see if he can do anything to help.  Steve has him chop some vegetables.

 

 

“Was she all right with you spending the night?”  Steve asks as they sit down to eat.

 

 

“She told me to not come home till Monday.  If it’s a problem I can crash with Sharon and Wanda.”

 

 

“It’s not a problem.  We’ll just do laundry or something before you go home.”

 

 

“And here I thought I could just borrow something of yours.”

 

 

“You could do that too.”

 

 

The rest of the meal passes much like the first day did.  The conversation flows easy and Bucky finds himself glad he’s not going home until Monday.  They clean up together because Steve insists on it.  Bucky thinks they’re going to go into the bedroom again after dinner so he’s surprised when Steve steers him to the couch.  He grabs his book and tells Bucky to go grab his laptop.

 

 

Bucky does as Steve asks and when he comes back into the living room he sees that Steve’s reading _Goldfinger._ He settles between Steve’s legs and starts working again.  It’s been about half an hour when Bucky starts to lose his mind.  This is not how he imagined the weekend going.  He’s working on the Avengers exhibit when Steve starts running his hands up and down his arms.  He starts feeling floaty.

 

 

“You know they have movies right? We could just watch it.  It’s really good.  One of my favorites, so I won’t mind at all.”

 

 

“I’m aware, I want to read the book first.  Now let me read.”

 

 

“Yes sir.”

 

 

Bucky tries he really does but then Steve starts touching him again.  He’s floaty again.  He’s squirming around.  He sets his laptop aside so it doesn’t fall.  He moans when Steve circles a nipple with his fingernail.  Steve pinches it and Bucky yelps.

 

 

“Fuck,” he squeaks out.

 

 

“What did I tell you to do?”  Steve asks, Bucky thinks the tone of his voice is the sexiest thing he’s ever heard.

 

 

“Let you read your book,” Steve pinches his nipple again.

 

 

“And have you been?”  Bucky could say no.  But instead he tries to play innocent.  It doesn’t work.

 

 

“Up and on the other end of the couch.”

 

 

“What?  Why?”

 

 

“Bucky,” at the tone in Steve’s voice Bucky opts to do as he’s told.  He knows he’s in for it.

Steve finishes the rest of the chapter and it’s uncomfortably silent.  Bucky can’t tell if Steve’s really pissed or if it’s part of the scene.  Normally it would scare him, this time though it gives him a little thrill.  Steve puts his book down and then stands at his full height in front of him.

 

 

“Go into the bedroom and lie face down on the bed.”

 

 

“Yes, sir.  Sir, should I get undressed?”

 

 

“No.”

 

 

Bucky does as he’s told.  He’s not sure what Steve’s up to.  Almost thinks Steve isn’t sure either.  That gives him another thrill, where normally it would scare him.  He’s not sure how long he’s in the room for before Steve returns. 

 

 

“We’re still going to use the color system.  Red will stop it until you say green again.  TARDIS stops it completely.  Do you understand?”

 

 

“Yes sir.”

 

 

“You’ve been acting out today.  Why?”

 

 

Bucky takes his time answering.  If Steve had asked him a few hours ago his answer would have been ‘I don’t know’.  Part of him thinks it’s still going to be.  While he didn’t mind the spanking it wasn’t a punishment with Scott.  With Grant it was a way for him to control Bucky.  To laud the fact he got off on being punished over his head.  He realizes he never told Steve that.  And now the doubt is creeping in. He’s not sure he can do this.  As safe as Steve makes him feel, as thrilling as this was up until this moment, Bucky’s still not sure he can do this.

 

 

“Yellow,” he hears Steve say, as he’s shifted onto his back.

 

 

“What?  Wait, isn’t that…. Oh fuck I’ve done it again,” Bucky hangs his head.  He’s not sure when it happened but Steve’s lying next to him rubbing his hand.  It’s as soothing as it always is, but this time it’s starting to make him feel floaty.

 

 

“Bucky do you want to continue?”

 

 

“Yes.”

 

 

“Do you want me to spank you?”

 

 

“I don’t…. No, sir.  I’m not ready.  I’m sorry I was such a brat and a tease.”

 

 

“For being a brat, you can’t come until I’ve done so.  If you do, you won’t come again all weekend.  Now as for being a tease get the idea out of your head right now.  I should punish you for that too.  But well, I figure the punishment you’re getting is enough.”

 

 

“Thank you, sir.”

 

 

Steve has him roll over and then kisses down Bucky’s body making sure to lightly scratch  at each of his nipples.  He takes his time there and soon Bucky is floating.  He can barely make a coherent sound.  When Steve takes him into his mouth the sound he makes sounds really loud to his ears.  He gets close and Steve pulls off.  Tells him he’s good.  Bucky keens at that. 

 

 

Steve keeps him on his back and Bucky hears a cap open.  Then his legs are being rubbed.  It feels amazing.  He feels Steve tap his knees and he raises them.  Steve says something but he doesn’t hear it 

 

 

“Bucky, focus for me for a minute.”

 

 

“Sir,” it’s slurred but before he can freak out Steve’s rubbing his hand telling him he’s okay.  That Steve’s right there.

 

 

“You’re doing so well, handsome,” Bucky realizes Steve’s finger is in his ass and he moans. 

 

 

“Is that a good moan or an it hurts moan?”

 

 

“Good.  So good.  Green Oh.  Can…” Bucky can’t think of what he was going to ask for.  But Steve, he seems to know.  He does it again and Bucky moans loudly.

 

 

“You’re beautiful like this.  So beautiful.”

 

 

Bucky knows he’s close knows he probably should say something but Steve’s on top of him covering him with his weight and he feels so safe and protected and amazing.  He feels like he’s flying.  Like that comic book hero.  He doesn’t want it to end.  He registers Steve saying something but he can’t tell what it is, thinks he says something back which must be green.  He feels Steve inside him and it makes the feeling even more amazing.  Better than it did the first time.  He can hear Steve, thinks he’s praising him.  Hopes he is.  Then he hears an ‘I am’ in his ear and Bucky’s gone.  He comes and would be worried but then right close to his ear he thinks he hears ‘good boy and that’s it come for me.’  

 

 

Bucky’s still floaty.  Knows Steve’s there.  Can hear the cadence of his voice even if he can’t make out the words.  Feels a blanket wrapped around his exposed skin.  Then feels Steve pull him close.  He’s kissing the top of his head; registers Steve is running his fingers through his hair.  He whines.  Thinks he says something.  Then Steve’s rubbing his arms telling him to take all the time he needs.  That he’s not going anywhere.

 

 

When Bucky comes back to himself the room is darker than it was when they started.  Steve’s head is back against the headboard and his eyes are closed.  His hands are still running up his arms though.  Bucky shifts a bit to kiss him.  It hits the edge of his chin and Steve chuckles.

 

 

“Back with me?”

 

 

“Yeah.  I didn’t… Did I come when I wasn’t supposed to?”

 

 

“No, handsome you were so good for me.  You okay with everything?”

 

 

“Everything you did was amazing.  I mean I got a little freaked out.  But you knew it and I was okay.  Sorry I couldn’t focus more,”

 

 

“You did so well.  You answered me when I asked you a question.  Do you not remember it?”

 

 

“I remember with your finger but after that I don’t,” Bucky sounds anxious even to his own ears.

 

 

“Breathe, Buck you’re all right.  I’m right here.  What do you remember?”

 

 

“Feeling safe and protected and knowing I could let go.  You inside me.  Steve I went really fast this time.  It was happening when we were on the couch.  And I’d been so overwhelmed earlier I just let myself because you were there,”

 

 

“It’s okay.  It’s why I only made you wait.  I knew it was happening.  But you’d seemed…open to being punished so I thought part of it was you acting out on purpose.”

 

 

“Okay, we need to have a talk.  I need to put clothes on though.  And not be lying in bed with you for this.  Is that…”

 

 

“What am I always telling you?”

 

 

“Whatever I need.  That I just have to say the word.”

 

 

“That’s right.  Come on we’ll take a quick shower and then go into the living room to talk.  How does that sound?”

 

 

“Perfect.  I love you,” Bucky says clinging a bit.  Steve holds him close.

 

 

“Hey, I’m right here.  Not going anywhere.”

 

 

Bucky pulls away and pecks him on the lips.  Then he gets out of bed and heads for the bathroom.  He starts the shower and feels Steve get in behind him.  He turns around, and knows they’re supposed to be cleaning up but he suddenly wants to touch. 

 

 

“Go ahead, handsome, whatever you want,” Steve says.

 

 

Bucky cleans Steve off.  He kisses as he goes doing so before soaping him up.  He gets on his knees and does the same thing to Steve’s cock.  Steve moans his approval and runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

 

 

“Please sir, let me make you come,” Bucky says taking him into his mouth again.

 

 

Steve lets Bucky set the pace.  He almost loses control though when Bucky takes one of his balls in his mouth and sticks a finger in his ass, using the shower gel as lube.  Steve’s sure he’s going to die like this.  He must say so because Bucky chuckles and the vibration gets Steve to the edge.  Sensing it Bucky strokes him once and asks him to come down his throat.  He does as soon as he’s in Bucky’s mouth.

 

 

“Oh my God.  You need to warn someone one when you’re going to do that,” Steve says once Bucky’s pulled away from him.

 

 

“Really, it was that good?”  Steve gapes at the tone in his voice.  It’s like he can’t believe he’s managed to reduce Steve to panting and needing the wall for support.

 

 

“Yes really, fuck.  Bucky that was the best blowjob I’ve had,” Steve says kissing him.  He can still taste himself on Bucky’s tongue and it makes his just spent cock twitch.

 

 

“Sir?”

 

 

“Yes, handsome?”

 

 

“I may have come.  It’s just you’re so sexy the way you…” Steve kisses him.

 

 

“Buck, it’s okay.  And you know you don’t always have to call me sir.  We don’t… It doesn’t always have to be you being the sub and me being the dom.  Unless that’s what you want.”

 

 

Bucky surges forward and kisses him.  Steve tries to shift his weight so he won’t slam into the wall but he moves so fast he can’t.  He lets out a slight oomph causing Bucky to pull back with an ‘oops’ and a giggle.  Steve goes in for another kiss.

 

 

“Come on get cleaned up water’s getting cold and we still have to talk.”

 

 

“Okay.  Love you,” Bucky says pecking him on the lips then cleaning up.

 

 

They get out of the shower and Steve wraps Bucky in his robe.  He then grabs another one out of the hall closet for himself.  Bucky goes into the living room and settles on the couch.  Steve doesn’t follow, Bucky looks over his shoulder to find Steve in the kitchen putting together some food.  Steve sets the food on the coffee table and then sits at the opposite end of the couch.  He gives Bucky his full attention and makes sure not to touch him.  He’s surprised when Bucky takes his hand.

 

 

“It wasn’t really punishment with Scott.  It was more playful.  If he wanted to punish me I’d have to watch him and not touch him or myself.  Grant though, he used the spanking as punishment.  And it was always awful.  But with you I thought I could handle it.  And then I couldn’t,” Bucky says angrily.  He starts to pace.

 

 

“Come sit down, Buck.”

 

 

“I can’t sit still.  I’m still so pissed and angry.”

 

 

Steve takes his hand when he paces by and pulls him into his lap.  He kisses his temple.  Bucky feels the anger dissipate and snuggles in.  Steve runs his fingers through his hair.  They stay like that for a while, Bucky’s not sure how long it is.  But he’s no longer angry.  He kisses Steve’s cheek.

 

 

“Better?”

 

 

“Yeah.  Steve, I know I keep saying this, but honestly if I’m too screwed up for you…”  Steve puts a finger on his lips.

 

 

“You’re not too screwed up for me.  I like taking care of you.”

 

 

“Did you mean what you said, about you not always being in charge?”

 

 

“I did.  Today was because you said you needed out of your head.  The first time… you know you could have put the brakes on, right?”

 

 

“I do.  But what you were doing felt amazing, I knew you’d take care of me.  I like the not being in control sometimes.  But I like just it being about more vanilla too sometimes.  I seem to have trouble finding guys who get that,” he finishes quietly.

 

Steve doesn’t say anything just kisses his temple and holds him close.  Bucky snuggles in and grabs a sandwich from the plate on the coffee table.  He smiles at the fact it’s peanut butter and jelly.  He kisses Steve softly with a small chuckle.

 

 

“It was quick and easy.  I can cook honest.”

 

 

“Define cooking?  Cause I’ve read up.  In your day boiling the living hell out of things was considered cooking.”

 

 

“Ha, ha, you’re a laugh a minute.  I’ve taken cooking classes. And you weren’t complaining earlier about my cooking.”

 

 

“Wait you took cooking classes and you’re still single?”

 

 

“I told you, I have trouble finding people with shared life experience.”

 

 

“It’s called you need to look in old folk homes, Steven,” Bucky teases.

 

 

“So that’s how it is?”

 

 

“Guess so,” Bucky kisses him softly.

 

 

Steve deepens the kiss and Bucky shifts so he’s sitting in Steve’s lap but his legs are on either side of him.  He kisses down Steve’s chest and Steve leans back against the couch.  Bucky’s glad they’re just in robes.  He gets up and goes into the bedroom.  As much as he doesn’t want to kill the easy mood they’re setting he knows he can’t take Steve without lube.  He comes back out and Steve beckons him over with a crooked finger.

 

 

“In the living room?  Really?”

 

 

“You made me come in front of that window the first night we did anything.  And hey if you’d rather move to the bedroom I’m more than willing.  I just… I’ve been thinking about this for days… I want to ride you,” Steve moans loudly, and Bucky’s glad the apartment is soundproof.

 

 

Steve lifts Bucky up and takes the lube from him.  Then he’s carrying him into the bedroom kissing him and opening him up at the same time.  Bucky’s starting to feel fuzzy and realizes it may just be Steve that gets him that way.  He tries to make note to mention it later.  Steve gets them into the bedroom and manages to get himself on the bed with Bucky still wrapped around him.  He hasn’t broken the kiss and Bucky thinks he might die from how turned on he is.

 

 

“Buck, you okay?”  Steve asks, to Bucky he sounds worried.

 

 

“Uh huh.  Really good,” Steve kisses him and Bucky shifts in his lap so he’s at his entrance. 

 

 

He shifts again and the tip goes in Bucky moans and goes down a bit more.  Steve’s got his hands resting on Bucky’s hips.  Bucky sets the pace, it’s slow and he leans down to kiss him.  He feels amazing.  He wants this to last for both of them.  Steve rolls his hips slightly and Bucky has to pull away to practically scream it feels so good.

 

 

“Again, fuck Steve, do that again.”

 

 

Steve does but makes sure to keep Bucky’s slow pace.  He reaches up and brings Bucky in for another kiss, whispering to Bucky that he looks gorgeous.  Bucky preens at the compliment.  He takes one o Bucky’s nipples between his fingers and pinches lightly.  Bucky’s sure Steve’s going to kill him.  Steve chuckles and tweaks his other nipple.  Soon Bucky’s picking up the pace.  He wants Steve to come first.  He does with a shout of Bucky’s name.  When Bucky comes a second later he realizes Steve is rubbing his cock. 

 

 

Bucky’s up and out of the bed before Steve can even try to get him to cuddle.  He ducks into the bathroom and gets a cloth.  It’s then that he realizes they didn’t use a condom.  Steve’s going to flop he’s sure.  He steels himself for the blow up he’s sure Steve’s going to have.  How could he have been so stupid? 

 

 

“Handsome, you all right in there?”

 

 

“Fi-fine,” he stutters out.

 

 

“Buck?”  Steve asks from the bathroom doorway.

 

 

“We didn’t… I didn’t grab a condom,” he says quietly.

 

 

“And you think I’m mad?  That I’m going to yell at you and what, kick you out?  Break up with you?”   Bucky nods.

 

 

“Give me the cloth Buck,” Steve says gently.  He cleans himself off and then Bucky and then before Bucky can object, Steve’s carrying him back to bed, kissing him the whole way.

 

 

He gets them settled on the bed, him on his back with Bucky curled up on him.  For not the first time he finds himself wanting to kick all of Bucky’s exes asses.  Bucky’s clinging slightly to him.  He’s being way too quiet.

 

 

“It’s not on you to make sure I’ve got a condom you know.  I could have said something.  But… well you’re right we’ve both been tested.  I know I’m not going anywhere.  You don’t seem to want to go anywhere either, so it’s not the end of the world.  I’m not mad, Buck.  I sear I’m not.  I can’t tell you how amazing it felt being inside you.”

 

 

“You’re really not mad?”  Bucky asks and to Steve it sounds like he can’t believe it.

 

 

“No, I’m really not.”  Steve kisses him again and it’s soft and sweet.  Bucky melts into Steve a bit more.

 

 

“Love you.”

 

 

“Love you too, Bucky.  Get some sleep.”

 

 

“Not tired.  I’m too wound up to sleep.  My heads going a mile… that feels nice,” Bucky says when S Steve starts massaging his shoulders.

 

 

“Yeah?”

 

 

“Mmm hmmm.”

 

 

“Here, get on the other side of the bed.  I’ll give you a massage.  And Buck, if you need to, I’ll be here.”

 

 

“Steve,” Bucky surges up and kisses him.  God he loves him.

 

 

Steve grabs the massage oil from his nightstand and sets to work.  Bucky moans for a bit, but then gets quiet.  Steve kisses the back of his neck and tells him how gorgeous he is; tells him how much he loves him, tells him how good he is to Steve.  Bucky preens at each bit of praise.  Steve checks in to see how he’s feeling and Bucky doesn’t say anything.  He stops the massage and Bucky whines.  He kisses his shoulder and checks in with him again.  He gets a slurred good.  Steve’s not sure how long he massages Bucky’s hack for but he can tell Bucky’s gone under just by the contented sounds he’s making.  He kisses him a few times in different spots to let him know he’s there.  He’s just worked out a tight spot in Bucky’s back when he moans out an ow.

 

 

“Buck?”

 

 

“Sorry, hurt a little.  Chiropractor calls it my stress spot.  Says it all goes to that spot.”

 

 

“You want me to keep going?”

 

 

“Yeah.  Please.  Feels good.  Wait, you’ve been giving me a massage for two hours.  Come cuddle instead.”

 

 

“In a second, you feel better?”

 

 

“Just what I needed.,” Bucky says turning to kiss him.

 

 

“Good.”

 

 

“I think we might have a bit of a problem though.”

 

 

“Oh, what’s that?”  Steve asks.  He’s trying to keep his tome light, while internally worrying.  From Bucky’s response he must do a good enough job.

 

 

“I realized something tonight, you touching me certain ways… gets me all fuzzy and floaty.  And I don’t mind, it feels really good, all of it.  But you needed to know.”

 

 

“I noticed it too. You sure you’re okay?  I know this is new for you.”

 

 

“Steve, I have never felt safer than I do when I’m with you.  I promise.”

 

 

“All right. Now I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted and it’s after midnight.”

 

 

“Go ahead, get some sleep, old man,” Bucky says kissing him.

 

 

Bucky settles in and tries to sleep.  It doesn’t come.  He gets up and pulls the covers around Steve kissing his forehead.  He’s not sure why he can’t sleep.  His brain’s still going a mile a minute.  And for once it’s not bad thoughts.  He gets out his laptop and starts writing furiously.    Before he knows it Steve is awake for his run kissing the top of his head.

 

 

“Have you slept at all?”

 

 

“No.  I’m fine.  Go for your run.  See you when you get… Steve what are you… I need to save that before you…Steve put me down.”

 

 

“I will in bed.”

 

 

“I’m fine.  Just a little insomnia.  What are you doing?  Steve go for your run,” Bucky says when Steve tries to get in bed with him.

 

 

“You didn’t sleep when I gave you the massage.”

 

 

“I know.  This happens sometimes after my bad anxiety attacks.  I’ll just hang on the couch.  Go for your run.  Honestly, I’ll be fine,” Bucky says pushing him out the door with a kiss.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's miscommunication and then there's Bucky and Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta was nice enough to get me everything I had sent her today. So you're all reaping the benefits of that. I hope you all enjoy.

Steve gets back to find Bucky on his side of the bed wearing one of his button downs. He’s sound asleep.  Steve climbs in and takes him into his arms.  It’s then he notices his shield against the nightstand.  He wonders what that’s all about.  He makes sure not to wake Bucky and settles in to try and sleep a bit more himself.  Bucky rolls over and clings to him in his sleep.  He kisses the top of his head and Bucky sighs happily.  He wakes slightly and says ‘hi’ then settles again and is back to sleep.

 

Bucky wakes at noon to find Steve reading a book while running his fingers through Bucky’s hair.  He snuggles in and tries to go back to sleep.  Steve looks over and kisses the top of his head.  Bucky decides to sit up but Steve tells him to stay put. 

 

“Buck, sleep if you want.”

 

“I shouldn’t.  I won’t sleep tonight then.  God this hasn’t happened since before I broke up with Grant.”

 

“Is it… is it something I did?”

 

“No.  I think it’s everything catching up with me from the last few months.  I was surprised I didn’t have one or more than one when I was trying to write my paper.  Then getting jerked around by Pierce and Brock and then Tony and the grant.  I’ve been waiting for it to happen.  I just got really overwhelmed.  You’ll notice you’re not on my list of things that overwhelmed me.  I think I held it together for as long as I did because I had you.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Positive.  You really are good for me in so many ways,” Bucky leans up and kisses and grinds against him as he does so.

 

“Red,” Steve says.  Bucky looks at him nervously.

 

“I just want you to get some more sleep is all.”

 

“I can try; will you stay?”

 

“Of course.  Hey, Buck, why is my shield against the nightstand?”

 

“It’s stupid.  Like really stupid,” Bucky says blushing in embarrassment.  “I heard a noise.  Got freaked out ‘cause it woke me up.  It wasn’t until I moved your shield that I realized even if someone broke in I wouldn’t be able to use it.”

 

Steve doesn’t say anything, he gets up and checks through the entire apartment including the fire escape.  He comes back in and settles himself next to Bucky.  He kisses the top of Bucky’s head and runs his fingers through his hair.  Bucky’s back to sleep in a few minutes.  Steve fires off a text to Tony.  A minute later his cell vibrates on the nightstand.

 

“JARVIS did a check of the security cameras.  Didn’t find anything.  The kid all right?”

 

“Yeah.  Little overwhelmed is all.  You get the security for the building taken care of?”

 

“He can start setting things up Monday.  JARVIS will monitor downstairs throughout the day.    The apartment upstairs only if the alarm goes off.  I’m guessing he’ll be okay with that.”

 

“If he’s not I’ll just tell him I’m moving in with him,” that gets a chuckle from Tony.

 

“All right, got to run.  I have some big meeting to attend.  Why do I let Pepper travel again?”

 

“To prove you’re not a five-year-old who can’t function?”

 

“Says the cradle robber,” before Steve can respond Tony’s hung up.  Steve sets his phone back on the stand and finds Bucky watching him.

 

“What is it that’s got you telling me you’ll move in with me if I don’t like it?”

 

“JARVIS is security for the museum.  Given what you’re going to have he’s got to be.  But he’ll only monitor the apartment if the alarm goes off.  Don’t like it I don’t care.  If you’re going to live there those are my terms.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Bucky says kissing him.

 

“You do know I’m probably not going to be staying there much anyway.  Might be a good idea to have JARVIS monitor the whole building unless I’m in the apartment.  If he can do that.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Steve, it just got to be too much all at once.”

 

“Yet, I didn’t contribute to…”  Bucky kisses him again,

 

“No you didn’t.”

 

Bucky gets out of bed and heads for the living room.  He can’t help thinking he’s just majorly fucked up everything.  Bucky Barnes ruiner of relationships strikes again.  This is why he ends up with the guys he does.  Because he can’t allow himself to be with a good guy at all.  He’s about to leave when he realizes he’s just in his boxers.  He grabs a pair of sweats and a shirt then heads out.  He’s surprised Steve hasn’t followed him.

 

He gets outside and plops himself on the stoop.  He notices a few kids playing basketball in the park across the street and heads over there.  The boys are more than willing to let him join their game.  He’s not sure how long he’s out there for but when he gets back across the street Steve’s sitting on the stoop waiting for him.

 

He opts not to say anything just go back up to the apartment.  He’s not sure what to say.  There’s part of him that believes what he’s told Steve.  But then he thinks maybe Steve’s right.  Things have been moving at warp speed with them; and while he wouldn’t trade any of it, and knows he loves Steve; doesn’t even question that.  He thinks maybe he should ask Steve for a little space.  But then he thinks Steve’s not going to understand.  He’s so torn. 

 

He gets upstairs and starts throwing his stuff in his bag.  God he’s made such a mess.  That’s what stops him.  He plops down on the edge of the bed and hangs his head.  He thought for sure after last night he was okay.  He should have known better.  Course the last time things were this bad his mom made him grilled cheese and tomato soup, didn’t even arch a brow at him when he dipped his sandwich in his soup to eat.  Just kissed the top of his head.  Then she made him a batch of her chocolate chip cookies.  He could call her; he knows she’d call off work.  But he can’t bring himself to do it. 

 

Bucky hears things in the kitchen, then Steve’s telling him he’s running to the store.   Bucky goes to Steve’s closet and grabs another one of his button downs.  He puts it on and takes his jeans and socks off.  Then he gets in bed on Steve’s side.  The tears start almost immediately.  Oh this is going to be so fun to explain to Steve when he gets back.

 

Bucky wakes to the smell of chocolate chip cookies.  He wraps the comforter around himself and pads out to the kitchen.  He’s sure he must look like hell with his red rimmed eyes and stuffed up nose.  Steve says nothing, he just pulls him in and kisses his temple.  Holds him for a minute all the while flipping two grilled cheese sandwiches.  Bucky snuggles in and kisses his shoulder.

 

“Where do you want to eat?” 

 

“Bed.  Is that okay?”

 

“Course it is.”  You want to go back in or stay with me?”  Bucky wraps Steve in the blanket as an answer.

 

“Kinda need my arms, handsome,” Bucky reluctantly lets him out of the cocoon he’s made.

 

“Hey. Buck?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Love you,” Steve says as if he’s saying ‘can you pass me that over there’.  Bucky wants to cry again.

 

Steve pulls the cookies out when the timer dings and then gets the soup to another burner before plating the sandwiches.  Once everything’s set he pulls Bucky into a hug.  He whispers to him that he loves him.  Bucky clings for a bit.  Steve wipes a stray tear away and kisses him softly.  Then he takes his hand and leads him into the bedroom.  Bucky drops the blanket onto the bed and climbs back on. 

 

“I’ll be right back.  If you want, pick a movie out.  Don’t care what it is.”

 

Steve gets back with the food and smiles at the fact Bucky’s chosen _Philadelphia Story_ to watch.  It’s one of Steve’s favorites.  He sets a tray in front of Bucky and kisses the top of his head as he settles in.    They eat in silence.  Steve smiles when Bucky tells him he makes a mean grilled cheese.

 

Bucky finishes his food and is about to get up and put his dishes in the kitchen when Steve says to stay put.  He’s going to take care of it.  He’s gone all of a minute before he’s got the plate of cookies.

 

“Now do we need milk with these?”

 

“Don’t know. Don’t…. oh my god these are amazing.  Don’t tell my mom this but they’re as good as hers.  Where did you get them?  They’re so not premade dough.”

 

“I had a mom too you know.  And if it was a really cold day she’d make chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate.  Course once the depression hit it wasn’t as easy but she’d manage it every now and then.”

 

“You made your mom’s…. Steve,” Bucky puts the cookie plate on the nightstand and curls into Steve’s lap.

 

“Buck, what’s wrong?”

 

“We’re going at warp speed.  Everything is.  I can’t tell which end is up at the moment.  I thought I was better after last night.  It helped….”  Bucky trails off.

 

“Just not enough.”

 

“Yeah.  When I envisioned how things were gonna go after the paper was in this is not what I had in mind.  I figured I’d take the summer.  Go to Washington.  Check out the Smithsonian.  Map things out a bit.  Talk to the banks.  Figure out a way to get my proposal to you.  I didn’t think anything would happen for at least a year.  I need that kind of structure sometimes.  Oh and I was going to swear off guys too.

 

“But then I met you and everything went faster than I expected.  And I thought, oh I’ve got Steve I can talk to him; or at least part of me did.  But then I couldn’t get the words out.  It’s not like I don’t know why.  I totally do.  You’re honestly the first guy who didn’t just want to talk about himself or see me as a hole in the mattress.  I mean Scott was nice, but we didn’t have really deep conversations about what we wanted to do with our lives.  It’s just not who we were.  I’m not comparing the two of you.  It just helps me to… I don’t know where I was….”

 

“Hey, Buck, breathe, it’s okay.  I don’t mind.  I get it.  What I’m about to ask I’m not asking because I want it, but if it’s what you need I’m willing to do it.  Do you need for us to not see each other for a little while?”

 

Bucky knows Steve’s asking for his benefit.  He does.  But he’s not in a good headspace.  So it turns into something a million times worse.  He immediately starts to think Steve wants to break up with him.  That he doesn’t love him anymore.  Bucky tries to get up, Steve stops him.

 

“Buck, stay.  Handsome, I don’t want to do this.  I really don’t.  Forget I said anything.”

 

“I should go.  I’ll just get my stuff, go stay with Sharon and Wanda for the rest of the weekend.  No big deal.  I’ll call you later.  Maybe,” Bucky says untangling himself from Steve. 

 

“Bucky stop now,” Steve says using his Captain America voice.

 

“Fuck you, Rogers.  You know I actually thought you were different.  Man you’re good.  Better than Grant at making me feel like a complete idiot; and that’s saying something,” Bucky says checking to make sure he’s got everything.  He realizes he’s still wearing Steve’s shirt and takes it off throwing it on the floor as he heads out to grab his jacket.

 

He slams the door behind him then races down the stairs.  He gets outside and calls Sharon.  She doesn’t answer.  Wanda doesn’t either.  He calls Scott, who to his surprise picks up.

 

“Bucky?  You all right?  It’s Saturday, why aren’t you out with the gang,” it all spills out in one huge run-on sentence.  Once Bucky starts explaining he can’t stop.  He finishes and then realizes he’s still sitting on the front stoop of the building.  He tells Scott who laughs at him. 

 

“Bucky, you do know he was doing it for you.  He loves you enough to give you the space you need to figure things out.  Look I know it’s scary.  But he wasn’t doing because he got what he wants and now he’s done with you.  He did it because unlike everyone else, including me, he is so head over heels in love with you he’s willing to let you go.  Do you know why?”

 

“Because he… Scott, I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me haven’t I?”

 

“If he loves you as much as I think he does, no.  But Bucky, you’re going to have to… look I know Grant made punishments really scary….”

 

“I need to let Steve punish me.  I need to let him know I trust him with everything I am,” Bucky finishes.

 

“Yeah.  Can you do that?”

 

“I don’t know.  I might be able to let him tie me up maybe.  Fuck.”

 

“Bucky, relax.  I’m telling you I don’t think he’s as done as you think he is.”

 

Bucky’s about to reply when he hears the door to the building open.  He’s hoping it’s another tenant, though he really isn’t surprised to find it’s Steve.  Steve walks past him without a word and heads towards his bike.  Before Bucky can call out to him he’s gone.  Bucky wants a hole to swallow him.

 

“He’s allowed to be pissed.  You stormed out.  Compared him to Grant of all people.  He’s being good enough to give you space, do the same for him,” Scott says when he tells him what’s just happened.

 

“You’re right.  I can do this.  Hell I can grovel if I have to.”

 

“No.  If he can’t deal with your anxiety and realize that’s what was talking, right or wrong, then he’s not worth it.  Look, go see if Sharon and Wanda are home.  If not call Becca and see what she’s doing.  I don’t want you alone right now.  And yes, I am giving you an order.  I still have all their numbers in my phone.  I’ve got to run.  Call me tomorrow, let me know how you are.”

 

“Thanks Scott,” he says then hangs up. 

 

Sharon and Wanda both don’t answer.  Becca does and says she’s at work but he can’t come hang out because Steve is there talking to the Avengers and she’s heard his name come up a lot.  She then wonders what he did to fuck things up.  He tells her to stay out of it and hangs up.  He calls his friend Jemma and asks her if she wants to go to a movie.  She’s got a date.  He ends up exhausting all his friends who are all busy.  Not that he expects anything less it is a Saturday night.  He heads to Starbucks anyway.

 

He gets there and Becca gives him a dirty look which he ignores.  He sits with his back to the room and faces the window.  He texts Scott to say he’s with Becca.  He’s got his headphones in and is playing Solitaire on his phone when Clint sits next to him.  He looks up and then puts his phone down, steeling himself for what he’s sure is going to be a fight.

 

“You okay, Kid?”

 

“Me… I’m fine… just great,” Bucky says trying to play it cool.  Clint barks out a laugh.

 

“So about as well as Steve then. Look, I’m not telling you what to do, but if it were me I’d talk to him.  And I’d do it here where you’re both clear headed.”

 

“Thanks,” Clint nods and walks away.  Bucky’s about to go over and ask to talk to him when Wanda and Sharon show up.

 

“What the fuck did you do to him, Star Spangled Asshole?”  Wanda asks Steve, loud enough for Bucky to hear.

 

“Wanda, stand down.  Jesus,” Sharon says taking her arm.

 

“Not till he apologizes for whatever he did.”

 

“Wanda, please, for me, stand down,” Bucky says quietly.

 

“Bucky?”  Sharon asks just as quietly.

 

“It’s not his fault.  I’m the screw up.  I’m the one who’s always the screw up.  You guys…”  Bucky stops and turns and leaves, Wanda and Sharon hot on his heels.

 

“Bucky, oh Bucky.  Come here. Sweetie what happened?  Scott wouldn’t say.  Just asked us to get here,” she says pulling him into a hug when she realizes he’s crying.

 

He tells them everything.  Before he can stop Wanda, she’s going back inside.  Sharon sits him at one of the tables and then heads in after her.  God he wishes he could hear what’s going on.  Wanda comes out a second later followed by Steve.  Now he’s not sure what to do.  Part of him says leave, but then he hears Scott in his head telling him Steve loves Bucky enough to let him go.  It’s then he realizes what Scott meant.  He loves him enough to let him go because he trusts that Bucky loves him just as much to come back.  Oh he really has fucked up the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

 

“No, handsome you haven’t.  Girls would you mind giving us a bit?”  Steve asks.

 

“Yeah of course.  Bucky, if you… you know where the key is if you need it.” Sharon says giving him a hug.

 

Bucky looks down.  He can’t bring himself to look at Steve.  Before either of them can say anything the Avengers are coming out saying they’re going to take off.  Bucky hears Nat tell Steve to be gentle with him.  He peeks at Steve and smiles slightly at the eye roll.  Clint tells Bucky to remember it’s Steve.  He just nods.

Once they’re alone Steve reaches over and rests his hand on Bucky’s.  Bucky keeps his eyes down.  He focuses on their hands.  He knows he’s got to say something.  He’s just not sure what.  He’s made such a mess of things he has no idea how to even start to fix it.  Becca comes out with a cup of water for him and Steve’s coffee.  She tells them they’ve got about fifteen minutes before they’re going to close.

 

“Thanks, sis.  Look about the scene…”

 

“Was there one?  Hadn’t noticed. I’m on my own tonight at home.  The other two are going to the boyfriends’ houses.   So the couch is free if you want it,” she says giving him a hug.  He just nods.

 

“Come for a walk with me?”  Steve asks once they’re alone.

 

“Sure,” they head towards the Hotel St. George. Steve takes Bucky’s hand in his and rubs his knuckles.     Bucky doesn’t pull away.  He lets them walk in silence for a block and a half.

 

“I wasn’t in a good headspace.  I’m still not, but when you said it…. My head immediately went to the bad place.  On some level I knew you were doing it for me.  But when I’m anxious like that the bad overrides the good.  It’s why I keep telling you if you want to end things you can.  I know how I get.  So this is me giving you an out.”

 

“Did you do this with Scott too?”  Steve asks, it takes Bucky by surprise.

 

“No.  I hadn’t met Grant yet; I think that’s where it comes from.  He beat me down so far, made me think no one would love me because I wasn’t worth it.  I try to remember what they said in my therapy sessions that it was his way of controlling me, but it doesn’t work when I have the attacks.”

 

“So you push me away because you don’t think you deserve me,” Steve says he makes it a statement not a question.  Bucky nods. 

 

“Steve, I know this doesn’t…. I know…..” Bucky tries to get more out but he suddenly can’t breathe.  He grabs Steve’s arm and tries not to panic even more. 

 

Steve leads him over to a bench in the park and has him sit down.  Then he’s crouching in front of him telling him to focus on him.  To mimic his breathing.  Bucky does and starts to calm.  He wants to ask Steve for a hug or to be held, but he’s not allowed to anymore.  


“Whatever you need, handsome.  Do you want to sit here for a bit longer?”  Bucky nods again.  Steve gets on the bench next to him.  He puts his arm around his shoulders.  Bucky, against the voice in his head telling him not to, snuggles in.

 

“I’m not angry with you because you stormed out.  I’m not even angry with you because you told me to fuck off basically.  I am however extremely hurt that you would compare me to Grant.  Bucky, I would never hurt you the way he did.  It’s not who I am.”

 

Bucky doesn’t say anything.  He knows he needs to apologize.  He isn’t sure how.  He’s so afraid of saying the wrong thing and having Steve leave that he almost thinks not saying anything would be better.  Steve is rubbing his hand again.

 

“Do you want to go home?”  Steve asks.

 

“I want… Never mind, I’m gonna crash at Sharon’s.  I’m not in the mood to deal with Becca tonight.”

 

“Oh, okay. Lead the way,” Steve says pulling him off the bench.

 

“You don’t have to walk me there.  I’ll be fine.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Steve?”  Bucky says as he starts to walk away.

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Bucky says.  It’s not enough, he knows it isn’t.  But he doesn’t know what else to say.  Steve closes the distance between them in one stride.  Bucky curses the fact he can’t keep his mouth shut.

 

“Handsome, it’s more than enough.  I love you.  God, Bucky I love you.  I meant it when I said I don’t want you to change,” Steve says kissing him.

 

Bucky melts into it.  He wraps his arms around Steve’s neck and tries to get closer.  Steve pulls away with little pecks and then rests his forehead against Bucky’s.  Bucky realizes what he’s done and goes to pull away, Steve wraps his arms around him tight.

 

“Come home with me.  Don’t go to Sharon and Wanda’s we don’t have to do anything but cuddle.”

 

“I’ve…. I don’t….. I deserve to…..  I….” Steve kisses him softly.

 

“Come home with me,” he says when he pulls away.  Bucky melts a little more at the tone of his voice.

 

“Okay, sir.”

 

“Good boy.”

 

They walk back to Steve’s, stopping to get his bike.  Bucky climbs on and Steve gives him the helmet to wear.  He opts to just put it on.  No point in pissing Steve off more.  They get to the apartment and Steve goes into the bedroom to change.  Bucky settles himself on the arm of the couch.  Steve’s still hurting and he has no idea how to fix it.

 

When Steve comes back out he’s in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.  It’s the most covered he’s been at night.  He sits on the couch at the end opposite Bucky and pats the spot next to him.  Bucky willing goes.

 

“What is it you think you deserve Bucky?”

 

“To be punished, sir.”

 

“Good boy.  And how do you think you should be punished?”

 

“However, you see fit, sir.”

 

“And if I said I wanted you to go into the bedroom and lie face down naked with your eyes closed and then proceeded to blindfold you; and then strap you to the bed, and spank you would you let me?”  Bucky shivers.  Steve knows he’s probably gone too far, but he’s trying to prove a point.

 

“I…. Re…. TARDIS.”  Bucky says.

 

“Good boy.  I’m not going to do any of that.  Wasn’t going to do any of that.  You’re going to sleep in the spare room for the rest of the weekend.”

 

“Steve, sir, no, you said we could cuddle,” Bucky pouts.

 

“We’re going too.  I’m punishing me too.  I should have never said it.”

 

“You were trying to help, I overreacted.  I’m the one who should be punished, not you.”

 

“Bucky. I should have known it was going to make things worse.”

 

He doesn’t say anything.  He kisses Steve.  Whispers he loves him and kisses him again.  Then he curls up in his lap.

 

“Sir?”  Bucky asks, making patterns on his chest

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can we back up for a second?”

 

“Of course.  What is it handsome?”

 

“What you said when you were talking about the proposed punishment.  I could probably do it all separately.  Not in one shot is all.”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind.  Thank you for telling me.”

 

“I deserve worse punishment than sleeping in the spare room, sir.”

 

“Oh really? And what do you suggest?”

 

It’s now or never.  Scott is right, he’s got to let Steve know he knows he’s not like Grant.  And he wasn’t lying to Steve when he said he couldn’t do what he’d suggested all at once.  But he’s so scared to even try what he’s thinking.  But it’s Steve.  Steve who’s gentle.  Steve who has promised him he’s not going to torture him.  And he really has been a very bad boy.  Bucky moans at the thought of what he wants to suggest.

 

“Spank me, sir,” Steve gapes at him.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is punished for what he's said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the chapters I have completed. There should be one more. Like I said I hope to have it posted by Monday at the latest.
> 
> Note the tags. Steve mentions things he'd do to Bucky (were he like other guys Bucky's been with).

“You don’t have to do this.”

 

“But I want to, sir.”

 

“Bucky,” Steve says, he’ll give him as many outs as he needs.

 

“But sir, I’ve been so bad.  I should be punished for it,” Bucky knows he’s begging.  He’s surprised it isn’t working.

 

“Sir, I called Scott just to talk, he ended the conversation with an order; it’s how I ended up at Starbucks.  He ordered me to not be alone.”

 

“I’m glad he did.”

 

Bucky wants to bang his head against a brick wall.  He knows Steve wants it.  He can see the evidence through his sweats.  Why is Steve being so…. It suddenly dawns on him why Steve’s refusing.

 

“I’m going to just lay it out for you.  I know I hurt you.  I know I probably nearly destroyed our relationship.  I want you to spank me so I can prove to you I trust you to stop if I say red”

 

“And did you have this little realization before or after you talked to Scott?”  Steve asks angrily.  He notices Bucky shiver and whine a bit.

 

“During.  Sir, I didn’t share intimate details.  Just that you were my Dom now and what had happened.  I tried calling everyone else first.  No one answered.”

 

“Strip,” Bucky does with a small moan in the back of his throat.

 

Steve’s trying to find the balance between firm and downright cruel.  He takes the moan as a good sign.  He walks around Bucky and admires his body.  He comes back to the front and flicks a nipple with his nail.

 

“Go stand in the corner,” Bucky does as he’s told.

 

Steve goes into his bedroom and gets a box down from the closet.  Most of what’s in the box he’s not going to ever use on Bucky.  Or he would but only after they’d discussed it.   He can use them to prove his point.

 

“Turn and face me.  Hands above your head.  Don’t move them.  As far as you’re concerned you’re tied to the wall.  What’s your color?”

 

“Green,” Bucky says taking the position Steve requested.  His eyes go big as saucers at what he sees on the table.

 

There’s a set of nipple clamps, a flogger, a paddle and one of Steve’s belts.  Then he notices there’s also a blindfold, a gag and various restraints., and a cock ring.  He takes a few deep breaths.  He’s not sure what Steve’s up to.  It’s scaring him a little but not enough to safe word.  He realizes Steve’s said his name.

 

“Yes, sir?”

 

“I asked what your color is now.”

 

“Still green, sir.”

 

“Good.  Now if I were a Dom like you were used to I’d restrain you completely to the wall.  Tony made these, they have suction cups.  Oh I don’t think he ever envisioned them being used for what we’d use them for but what he doesn’t know.  Now after you were restrained, I’d blindfold you and then clip the nipple clamps on nice and tight.  Then I’d gag you and tighten them some more, ignoring your cries.  I might even put the cock ring on and then use the paddle on your cock,” Steve stops noting Bucky’ starting to seem agitated.

 

“Color?”

 

“Re…  TAR….”

 

Steve is immediately in front of him taking his arms down.  He kisses him softly and runs his hands up and down Bucky’s arms.  He tells him to go ahead and hug him.  Bucky’s crying telling him how sorry he is.  Telling him he wishes he could take it back.  Begging him not to leave him.  Steve picks him up and carries him over to the couch.  Bucky curls into him.

 

“Sh, handsome,” Steve says kissing his temple

 

“Sir?” Bucky asks when he’s calmed and is sitting in Steve’s lap.

 

“Yes, Bucky.”

 

“You’re not a Dom like that.  I know that.  Always.”

 

“And yet you said I was,” Steve says quietly.  Bucky wants to cry again at the pain in his voice.

 

“What can I do, sir?  How can I make it up to you?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Bucky gets out of Steve’s lap, grabs one set of the restraints, the blindfold and goes into the bedroom.  He doesn’t bother checking to see if Steve’s following, he’s fairly certain he is.  He knows what he’s about to do isn’t really the answer; but he hopes it’s a step in the right direction.    He puts the blindfold on and positions himself so he can be restrained to the bed.  Steve squeezes Bucky’s hand to let him know he’s there.

 

“Tell me what you want,” Steve says firmly.

 

“Restrain me, sir,” Steve does his right hand and kisses the wrist.  He repeats the action with the left.

 

“Color?”  Steve asks.

 

“Green, sir.”

 

“What else is it you want?”

 

“I can’t do the paddle or the belt.  Not yet.  I can handle your hand.  I can’t… the flogger might be a hard no.”

 

“Tell me who for each one you said no to,” Steve says not bothering to hide his anger.

 

“Belt was Erik, he used the buckle.  It broke skin.  I don’t… no breaking skin.  Hard and firm, will always be a no.”

“Did he know that?  Or is it because of this?”

 

“Because of.  Paddle was Grant’s weapon of choice, so to speak.  Except for one night when a guy at a bar hit on me.  I was drunk.  I had no idea what the guy was doing.  The…. Yellow.”

 

“What do you need?”  Steve asks running his hands up and down Bucky’s arms.

 

“Sir….oh sir…. I….”

 

“Buck, what’s wrong?”

 

“Floaty.  Shouldn’t be.  Bad.  Can’t be floaty when bad.”

 

“Sh.  You don’t have to give me particulars of that one all right.  It’s enough for you to tell me it was Grant.”

 

“Need to.  Another…. Limit,” Steve stops running his hands up and down Bucky’s arms.  He has the blindfold off and is about to do the restraints when Bucky stops him.

 

“Steve, I’m okay.  He shared me that night.  Said I was his submissive little slut who didn’t get a say in who used him as their personal fucktoy.  They used the flogger.  It was awful.  They kept telling me to shut up and quit crying.  I was obviously enjoying it given how hard I was.  Oh God, you should just dump me now.”

 

“Not going to happen.”

 

“But…”

 

“Not.  Going.  To.  Happen.”

 

“I love you,” Bucky says so quietly Steve’s not sure he heard him. He opts to ignore it.

 

“How many do you think you should have?”

 

“Five, sir.  It is my first after all,” Bucky says trying to play it off.

 

“But the reason for isn’t minor.

 

“You’re making me sleep in the other room.”

 

“That’s punishment for both of us.  So I’ll ask you again.  How many?”  Bucky moans.

 

“Ten sir, I don’t… I’m not even sure I can do that.”

 

“All right, ten it is.  You’ll count.  You **will not** come until I reach number ten.  You come before then I will make you come as many times as I have left.  And you’ll do it tonight.  What is your color for all of it?” 

 

Bucky thinks for a second.  He’s never had multiple orgasms before.  He makes note to mention to Steve he’d like to try it.  But not in this setting.  He makes it red,

 

“Good boy.  You come before I reach ten you won’t come for the rest of the weekend.”

 

“Yes sir.  May I have the blindfold and restraints sir?”

 

“You may.  What’s your color, handsome?”

 

“Green.”

 

Steve starts slow once Bucky’s blindfolded again.    Bucky counts each one moaning a bit.  He’s hard as a rock, but hasn’t rutted against the bed once.  Steve makes five and six a little harder and Bucky gets louder.  Seven and Eight and Bucky’s in tears.  Nine and ten Steve does quickly as well.  Bucky says something that’s muffled.

 

“What was that handsome?”

 

 “More.  Please sir, I was awful to you.  Ten… it’s not enough.  Please,” Bucky’s crying.  He’s leaking pre-come.  Steve’s sure if he gave him permission he could do it untouched.

 

“Another five?  You can come now or wait until they’re done.”

 

“After sir, please.,” Bucky says with a sniffle.

 

“All right.  Make sure to count.”

 

Steve gives him these five as quick as he can.  Bucky’s out right sobbing when he’s done.  Steve kisses him and tells him what a good boy he is.  That he took his punishment well.  Bucky tries to hide.  Mumbles he doesn’t deserve to be praised after what he said; after the way he hurt Steve.  Says he doesn’t deserve to come either.  Steve hates the way he sounds.

 

He unhooks the restraints and takes off the blindfold.  Bucky’s a mess.  He pulls Bucky into his lap and holds him close.  Bucky keeps telling him he’s sorry over and over.  Keeps telling him he’s nothing like Grant.  Steve reaches into the stand on Bucky’s side of the bed and pulls out some lotion.

 

“Handsome, I want you to lay on your stomach for me, Bucky does as he’s told without comment. 

 

Steve applies the lotion to his ass and notes he doesn’t moan once.  He whines once or twice.  Steve asks for his color.  He quietly says green.  Steve kisses his shoulder and Bucky shifts trying to move away.

 

“Bucky,” Steve warns.  The squirming to get away stops. 

 

Once Steve feels his applied enough lotion he maneuvers them so Bucky’s leaning against Steve’s chest.  Bucky doesn’t lean back and snuggle in like he had been.  Steve starts to worry he’s done something wrong when Bucky speaks.      

 

“I’ll understand if you can’t forgive me.”

 

“Bucky, oh... Bucky.  Come here, into my lap.  Come on handsome.  There’s my good boy,” Bucky tries to protest.

 

“Nope, not allowed.  I told you I’m not going to get angry for how you feel.  You were hurt.  You weren’t in a good headspace so you did the one thing you knew would hurt me.  Am I still hurt? Yeah, but it’s not something I’ll never get over.  It’s not something I’m going to throw in your face every time we have a fight either,” Bucky looks up and then is wrapping himself around Steve.  Steve kisses his neck.  

 

“What does my handsome sweet boy need?”  Steve asks.

 

“You close, sir.”

 

“I can do that.  I love you,” Bucky has to fight to keep his emotions in check.  

 

Bucky snuggles in and kisses Steve’s throat whispering he’s sorry into his skin.  Steve kisses his temple.  He starts running his hands up and down Bucky’s arms.  When Bucky tries to get up Steve holds a little tighter.

 

“You deserve to be cherished Bucky.  You deserve to be praised,” Steve notices Bucky’s getting the faraway look he gets when Steve does this.

 

“I’ve got you handsome, let go.  Just let go.  I’m here.”

 

Bucky shifts a few times he can’t get his head to shut up.  To quit telling him how he’s a screw up.  That Steve’s going to leave him.  He hides in Steve, who notes he’s crying.  Steve soothes as best he can.  Bucky falls asleep.  He shifts so Bucky’s lying next to him.  He wraps himself around him.  Fuck punishing them both.  He doesn’t want to be away from Bucky any more than he wants to be away from him.

 

Bucky wakes half an hour later sore and with a stuffed up nose.  But he feels amazing.  Steve’s running his fingers through his hair while reading his book.  He decides to just lay there and enjoy what’s happening.  Steve puts his book down and starts running his other hand up and down all of Bucky’s body.  He shifts so he can kiss as well.  It’s time to show Bucky he’s been forgiven.  He’s been punished, it’s done.

 

He sucks Bucky’s nipple into his mouth and pinches the other one lightly.  Then he takes that hand and wraps it around Bucky’s leaking cock.  Bucky’s moaning incoherently now.  Steve’s pretty sure he doesn’t know which end is up.  He chooses that moment to check in.

 

“What’s your color, handsome?”

 

“Green, sir.”

 

“I think it’s time for my sweet boy to come,” Bucky whines.

 

“Don’t deserve to,” Bucky chokes out.

 

“Handsome, I don’t know how things worked with those other bastards you were with, but you’re with me now.  I always let good boys be rewarded after punishment.  And you were so very good for me.  You even asked for more.  I know how hard that was for you, handsome.  How can I not reward such a sweet boy?”  

 

“Sir, please.”

 

“Please, what, baby boy?”

 

“Need to come…” Bucky stops and his eyes go big as saucers again.

 

“Buck, what’s your color?”  Steve asks.  He’s trying to not panic.

 

“Green, sir.  Please, need to come.  Don’t stop sir.  Need it.”

 

“Come my sweet, sweet boy.”

 

Bucky arches and shoots come all over his stomach and Steve’s hand.  He’s all floaty.  It feels so good.    He drifts for a bit.  Feels Steve with the cloth.  Hears Steve tell him to sit up and take a drink.  He does.  Then Steve’s wrapped around him again.  He feels… forgiven.  He feels safe.  He feels loved.             

 

When he comes back to himself he’s wrapped not only in a blanket but one of Steve’s hoodies.  Steve’s resumed reading his book, but wraps his arm around Bucky when he snuggles in.   Bucky leans up for a kiss and then resumes where he was.

 

“You’re staying in here for the rest of the weekend.  How do you feel?”

 

“Much better.  Thank you, sir.”

 

“Good. Handsome, you got scared earlier, why?”  Bucky duck his head and hides.  Steve lifts his chin an kisses him softly urging him to tell him.

 

“I wanted to call you, daddy.  And we both agreed it was a no.  Usually it is for me.  But you were calling me baby boy and telling me I’d been good.  That I should be rewarded and I fucking wanted to so bad.  Then I panicked for a second.”

 

“Did you think I’d be angry?  That I’d punish you again?  Or something else?”

 

“All of it, or you’d kick me out.”

 

“What we said, through both of us laughing, was we’d discuss things like that if you changed your mind.  Have you?”

 

“I don’t know.  I can’t tell if it was because of what was being said mixed with the punishment or not.  Don’t think my head’s clear enough yet.

 

“Just let me know.  If that’s what you need…”

 

“Then I can have it,” Bucky finishes and the smile he gives Steve lights up his whole face.  Steve kisses him.  Finally, he’s starting to get through to him.

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Steve?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I really am sorry.  I know you’d never hurt me like he did,” Bucky finishes quietly.

 

“I know, Buck.  I know,” Steve kisses and lets him curl up on top of him.  Bucky’s asleep as soon as he’s settled. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky tries to make things up to Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to really like writing Bucky's name. Sorry. But I also worry that everyone's going to get confused with all the he and him used. 
> 
> I want to thank everyone for the kudos and comments.

When Bucky wakes it’s almost six.  Steve is still naked wrapped around him. Bucky rolls over so he’s facing him.  He’s snoring softly.  Bucky brushes the hair from his face and Steve reaches up in his sleep to bat him away.  Bucky smiles and watches him sleep.  He loves Steve so much it scares him a little.  He knows he came close to losing him.  Knows it’s all his fault.  He didn’t trust in Steve enough.  Steve shifts and takes Bucky into his arms.  Bucky checks and finds he’s still asleep. 

 

Bucky untangles himself and heads into the kitchen.  He starts the coffee and then pokes around till he finds what he needs for breakfast.  When Steve wakes half an hour later he finds it waiting for him.  He also finds Bucky kneeling at his chair.

 

“Morning, sir.”

 

“Morning, sweet boy.  Is all this for me?”

 

“Yes sir.  I didn’t know what you’d like I made a little of everything.”

 

“Have you already eaten?”

 

“No sir.  Not hungry.”

 

“Buck, you’ve got to eat.”

 

“I’m…. too upset to eat.”

 

“Wait, get up.  Are you punishing yourself?  It’s done Buck.  It’s done.  It’s over.  We got through it.”

 

“I...” Bucky curls in on himself on the floor.

 

Steve gets down on the floor with him and he curls into Steve.  He really is trying to just let it go.  But he’s back to waiting for the other shoe to drop.  He feels like things are out of control again.  He knows this time he’s to blame. 

 

“Bucky, listen to me.  I love you.  I am not going to leave you.  You told me you could see yourself with me for a long time.  It’s the same for me.  If you’ll have me.  Look if this is too much, we can have a normal relationship.  I meant that too.  Whatever you need I’ll give you.  But _I am not_ giving you up.”

 

Bucky kisses him and then gets up.  He pulls Steve up and has him sit down.  Then he climbs into his lap and puts his head on his shoulder.  He picks a piece of bacon up and eats it.  He grabs one of the forks up and eats a little of the omelet he’s made.  Steve kisses his temple.

 

They finish breakfast and Steve insists on doing the dishes.  Then he drags Bucky back into the bedroom for cuddling.  Bucky asks Steve if they can watch _Bringing up Baby_.  Steve tells him that he doesn’t have to pick Cary Grant movies just because he likes them.  Bucky says he really does like them too.  He especially likes _Father Goose_ when Steve asks him what that is Bucky adds it to the list.

 

They finish the movie and Bucky gets up to get his laptop.  Steve says they can move to the living room if he wants, Bucky shakes his head.  He works on a map of the museum and hates how it turns out.  Steve taps him on the shoulder and shows him the sketch he’d been working on.

 

“It’s perfect.  Can I scan it in to use?”

 

“Of course.  I’ll even sign it.  Can’t get a bigger seal of approval than Captain America designing the map for all the brochures,” Steve says pecking him on the lips.

 

“I’ve got to come up with souvenirs too.  Maybe I didn’t think this through enough.”

 

“Yes you did.  You can do shield key rings that say Brooklyn on the back.  And I’ll sign photos for you.  You can do post cards of my early drawings.  Tony can set that up for you with printers.  And you can do baseball caps and t-shirts.  Oh and a logo, you’re going to need a logo.  Let me see what I can come….”  Bucky kisses him hard.

 

“I love you,” he says kissing him again.  He puts his laptop on the floor then tosses the sketchbook Steve’s been using to the side.

 

“Buck?”  Bucky just lays on top of him.

 

“Do you want to watch another movie?”  Bucky shakes his head no.

 

“What’s wrong, handsome?”  Steve asks wrapping himself around him a bit. 

 

“Nothing, honest.  Just… can we just be for a bit no real background noise?  Does that make sense?”

 

“It sounds perfect,”

 

 They cuddle for a while and then Bucky’s grabbing his laptop off the floor and continuing to work, after pecking Steve on the lips.  He has all the rooms in the building mapped out and is about to get a list together of requests for the Smithsonian when his phone rings, breaking their bubble.  He grabs it and goes to hit ignore but can’t.  It’s Scott calling to check in.  He answers it and then goes into the living room to talk to him.

 

“You doing okay?”  Scott asks.

 

“More than.  Look, thanks for last night.  I’m going to run.”

 

“Bucky, is he going to get angry cause you’re talking to me?”

 

“Nah.  I just want to get back.  Talk soon.”

 

He goes back into the bedroom and resumes his spot.  Steve wraps his arm around him, kisses his temple and starts running his fingers through his hair.  Bucky tells Steve doesn’t think he’s ever felt so loved.  Steve kisses his temple and whispers ‘good’ to him. 

 

“I take it that was Scott,” Steve says after a few minutes.

 

“Checking in.  I was supposed to call him later today.  Guess he got tired of waiting.  Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.  You barely talked to him.  You could have you know.”

 

“Didn’t want to.  Wanted to be curled up in here with you.”

 

The rest of the day goes by quietly.  Bucky is happier than he’s been in a really long time.  They nap a bit in the afternoon.  When it’s time for dinner Bucky insists Steve let him handle it.  When it arrives half an hour later and is a pizza and wings Steve bursts out laughing but grabs the beers without further comment.

 

Later that night they’re on the couch watching classic Star Trek, it’s the tribbles episode and Bucky’s in the middle of reciting Scotty’s lines about why he got into the fight with the Klingons to Kirk, when Steve suddenly pounces him and showers him with kisses.  Bucky lets out a yelp and then a moan when Steve runs his hands under the hoodie he’s been wearing all day.

 

“Steve, please,” Bucky moans when he does it again.

 

Steve kisses him slowly and then gets off him pulling him up and dragging him into the spare room.  Bucky notices there’s already plates of fruit and sandwiches.  There are bottles of water in various spots in the room too.  He wonders when Steve had time to do all of this.  Bucky freezes just inside the door.  He stares at Steve wide-eyed.  Steve kisses him again and pulls him towards the bed. 

 

“You know; I have no idea how the bed is.  I had Pepper just get me one.  Not like I was going to have anyone sleeping over.  And well we’ve had sex in the living room, my bedroom, and the shower.  I’ve never been one for sex in the kitchen.  Another limit I guess.  But we’ve still not tried out this bed.  I thought tonight, to mix things up a bit we could,” Steve says as he kisses Bucky again.

 

“Oh,” Bucky says quietly.  He’s trying not to moan.  He’s also a little nervous at the thoughts running through his head at the moment. 

 

Bucky’s got visions of being tied to the bed with silk ties, a vibrating plug in his ass and he’s a moaning mess.  Steve’s just running his hands all over him telling him how beautiful he looks like this. He moans then for real.  He wants to ask for it so bad.  It’s not scaring him at all.  He’s getting harder the more the fantasy plays out in his head.

 

“I’ll be right back handsome,” Steve whispers into his ear.  The tone of it makes Bucky shiver in anticipation.

 

When Steve comes back he’s got a box with him.  He opens it and Bucky gasps and then smiles widely.  It’s a toy box.  Steve pushes it towards Bucky in invitation to look.  Bucky takes out a few things.  Four ties, all are a deep blue and are made of the softest material he’s ever felt.  He can’t tell if it’s because everything else was just cheap or not.  He runs them over his wrist and moans softly at the feel.  He notes the blindfold he used for the spanking last night matches them.  He places that with them.  Steve says nothing.  Bucky then takes out a small plug.  It doesn’t look so bad, but the last time he’s used one was Sophomore year with Charles so he’s not sure he can do it even though he really wants to try. 

 

“Don’t you worry sweet boy; I’ll make sure the plug doesn’t hurt you.”

 

“Sir,” Bucky moans.

 

“Do you want to look more, or shall we put the toy box away for now?”

 

Bucky’s on overload there are so many things in the box he wants to try.  He’s also a little curious where Steve got all this stuff.  But then he realizes he probably did it online.  He also got all sorts of wonderful thoughts in his head.  Steve undressing him then giving him a blowjob even before he has him on the bed.  Then he gets him on the bed, on all fours and rims him, then fingers him, before finally giving him the plug.  All the while he’s praising him.  Telling him what a good boy he is.  Then he has him on his back.  He blindfolds him first…

 

“Go on handsome, don’t stop now.  I have a feeling we were just getting to the best part,” Steve teases as he starts undressing Bucky.  Bucky notices the toy box in on the floor.

 

Bucky really does try to continue but Steve’s doing things with his tongue that should be considered illegal in most circles.  He’s a moaning mess once Steve circles a finger around his hole.  When did Steve grab the lube? 

 

“Does my sweet boy want to come?”

 

“Please sir, oh please.”

 

“Go ahead, baby boy,” Steve says then sucks him back into his mouth.  Bucky comes and Steve swallows it down.

 

Steve lifts him up and carries him over to the bed, kissing him the whole way.  Bucky moans into it, he can taste himself and it’s hot.   Steve lays him on his back and Bucky tries to protest.  Steve promises him he’s going to make it good for him. Bucky smiles dopily at him.  He’s starting to drift.

 

“Still with me, Buck?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“All right, on all fours then, gorgeous boy.”

 

Bucky shifts so he can do as Steve’s asked.  He’s sluggish.  He feels so amazing already and Steve hasn’t really done anything.  He can hear Steve moving around behind him.  Hears the lube get tossed onto the bed.  Feels a cloth.  Realizes Steve’s cleaning him up a bit.  Bucky’s hard again already.  Steve’s kissing his back.  He moans softly.  God he wants Steve’s tongue inside. He starts to beg.

 

“Good boy, asking for what you want.  Don’t worry, I’m going to give it to you,” Steve says as he licks around Bucky’s rim.

 

Bucky pushes back, anxious for more.  Steve kisses the small of his back and lets out a chuckle before giving him what he wants.  Bucky howls.  He’s moaning Steve’s name and trying to get friction.  When Steve finally enters him with his tongue Bucky’s arms give out.  He’s bent over moaning and begging for what he’s not even sure.  All he knows is he doesn’t want this to end.

 

Steve kisses the small of his back again and Bucky whines at the loss of something inside him.  He doesn’t have to wait long before Steve’s replaced it with his finger.  Bucky gives him all of a minute before he’s begging for another one.  He’s close.  He starts begging to come.  Steve tells him not until he says as he works a second finger in.  Steve’s stretching him and it feels beyond amazing.  He wants another finger.  Wants to come.  Wants the plug.  He’s so strung out he doesn’t know what he’s begging for.  He tries to tell Steve but all that comes out is a moan. 

 

“Buck? What’s your color baby boy?  If you can’t say, nod if you want to continue, tap if you need a minute, shake your head if you want to stop.  I won’t be angry.  Whatever you need,” Bucky taps.  Steve stops moving his fingers.

 

“Good boy.  You did so well telling me what you needed,” he kisses his shoulder.

 

 Bucky whines and Steve shifts so he’s on top of him.  Steve’s weight on him calms him.  Bucky nods and Steve starts to slowly scissor his fingers in and out of him.  He pulls out gently and then goes back in with a third.  He hits Bucky’s prostate and tells him he can come.  Bucky does with a scream.  He collapses onto the bed.

 

Steve kisses his temple and then grabs a bottle of water.  He shifts off of Bucky and tells him to sit up then gives him the bottle, telling him to sip at it.  He still not himself.  He whimpers a bit.  He wants to continue.  Steve runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair.  Bucky arches into it.  Steve kisses over his neck.

 

“Back on all fours handsome, and we’ll continue.  Take your time.  There’s no rush we have all night.”

 

Bucky moves back onto his knees.  He’s surprised he’s still hard.  He reaches for Steve, who goes to him immediately.  He checks in and Bucky says green quietly before kissing him.  Steve notes he’s a bit clingy. He runs his fingers through his hair again and then up and down his arms.  Bucky calms even more.

 

“Color one more time, baby boy.”

 

“Green, I think.”

 

“Bucky focus on me for a second can you do that?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.  If you changed your mind it’s okay.”

 

“I want to, sir.  Just on overload, but it’s good.  I’m sorry I worried you.”

 

“No need to be sorry. I’m glad you told me how you were feeling, good boy.”

 

“Sir, I’m ready now,” he says getting back on all fours.

 

“Do you want my fingers again, or can you take the plug?”  Bucky’s response is a moan.

 

“I can’t… I don’t… sir…”

 

“Sh, you’re all right, I’ve got you.  How about we open you back up a little?” Steve says working a finger back inside.  He rubs against Bucky’s prostate and Bucky moans while pushing back.

 

“Oh, fuck, more…. Sir, the plug… need it,” Steve adds another finger and Bucky keeps riding Steve’s hand. 

 

“Look at you, can’t get enough can you, sweet boy?”  Bucky shakes his head no while begging for the plug. 

 

Steve grabs the plug and the lube.  He pulls his fingers out and Bucky moans and writhes trying to get it back.  He feels empty.  He starts begging louder for the plug, or anything inside him.  Steve knows he has no idea what’s going on.  He sure he’s too far gone already. 

 

“Bucky focus for me again.  I’ll give you what you want I promise but I need a color first.”

 

“Nnngh,” Bucky moans out.

 

“Baby boy, color or we stop.”

 

“Please, daddy, don’t stop.  I’ll be good, please, green.”

 

“All right.  Ready, baby boy?”

 

“Yes.  Daddy please give it to me.”

 

Steve kisses him and pushes the plug in slowly.  Bucky falls forward once it’s all the way in and moans.  Tells Steve he feels full, but not as full as when he’s inside him.  Steve kisses him again and tells him to lay on his back.  Bucky does and moans when the plug shifts.

 

“Daddy… sir… on please turn it on.”

 

“You’re not tied up yet, handsome.  Do you want that still?”

 

“Green.  Yes, please sir.”

 

“Good boy,” Steve says taking the blindfold and putting it in place.

 

He takes Bucky’s right hand and ties it to the bed kissing his wrist and running his hand up and down Bucky’s arm.  He does the same to his left side.  He checks in again and Bucky’s color is still green.  He gets his right leg tied to the post and runs his hands up and down his leg.  He does the same with his left side.

 

“Look at how gorgeous my boy is all tied up for me.  My boy at my mercy.  I could turn the toy on and jerk off watching you while you writhe on the bed and then come all over you,” Bucky moans.

 

“Or I could leave the room and do things in the living room turning it up every now and then.,” Bucky whines at that.

 

“No? Not what my boy wants?”

 

“No sir, please stay.  In my fantasy you ran your hands all over me telling me how gorgeous I was… want that.”

 

“Good boy, telling me what you want.  I’m going to put it on the lowest setting.  If it gets to be too much and you can’t color out I want you to nod for yellow, shake for red.  Is that understood?”

 

“Yes sir.  What if I want to go back a setting?”  Bucky asks shifting.

 

“Flex your hand.  Are you comfortable?”

 

“Yes sir, thank you, sir.”

 

“All right then.”

 

Steve puts it on the lowest setting.  Bucky moans.  It feels amazing.  Steve starts rubbing his right foot and Bucky kicks out a little, it tickles.  He moves up his leg massaging as he goes.  He kisses his inner thigh and Bucky writhes.  He’s so hard he can’t stand it.  He wants to come.  Steve licks at his balls and takes him into his mouth for the briefest of seconds.  Then he’s kissing his hip.  Bucky’s writhing on bed.  He’s screaming.  Begging for more.  Begging for Steve to touch him.  Steve repeats the action on his left side. 

 

Bucky’s mind is all fuzzy he’s been drifting since before he got tied to the bed.  Steve’s suddenly by his ear, he whispers to him to come.  Bucky does, hard.  He’s soaring everything goes white.  He floats.  Can hear himself begging for it to be turned up.  Oh god does he want that.  He doesn’t want this to end.  He likes where he is right now, just Steve and the pleasure.  He feels the change in the vibration and moans loudly. 

 

Steve’s telling him how gorgeous he looks. Telling him what a good boy he is.  How much he loves him.  How happy he makes him.  Bucky feels Steve brush at his face, then kisses him softly.  Steve kicks it back down a notch.  Bucky begs for it to be turned back up.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

 

“Please sir, more, up again. Please.”

 

“In a minute sweet boy.”

 

‘More please, oh please.”

 

Steve turns it back up and Bucky moans.  He writhes on the bed and jerks on the restraints a bit.  Steve runs his hands up Bucky’s arms to make sure they’re all right with all the pulling he’s been doing.  He leans down and kisses him.  He offers to untie him and Bucky whines.  He kisses each of his wrists and runs his hands down his arms a bit. 

 

Steve tells him he can come whenever he wants and then turns it up again and Bucky screams.  He’s moaning and writhing and it’s the hottest thing Steve’s ever seen, Steve tells him as much.  Tells him he’s not sure what he did to get such a perfect sub; but he knows Bucky is and he knows he’s the lucky one. Bucky comes at that, arching off the bed begging for Steve to kiss him.  He does, not able to refuse.

 

“Handsome, lean up for me.  Bucky does and Steve kisses his temple while giving him some water and feeding him a few pieces of fruit.  When Steve asks if he wants the blindfold off Bucky shakes his head no.

 

“There’s another setting to go.  Do you want to try it now, or save it for another day?”

 

Bucky thinks about it for a minute.  He’s still hard.  Still beyond turned on.  Wants to be good for Steve; wants …. He moans and nods.  He hopes Steve knows what he wants.  The plug goes even faster than it did the last time.  Bucky’s going to come again.  He’s begging Steve to let him.  Steve runs his hands up and down his arms.  Then he wraps his hand around Bucky’s cock and tells him to let go.  Bucky comes hard.  He hasn’t ever felt like this.  He can’t even describe it, so he just lets himself feel.

 

Bucky moans quietly and shifts on the bed a bit as he starts to feel more like himself.  He realizes Steve is untying his legs.  He’s not blindfolded and the room isn’t bright meaning Steve closed the curtains.  He’s also got one of Steve’s hoodies on again.  He’s managed to wrap himself around Steve’s pillow. 

 

“Oh shit!” Bucky says bolting upright.   Steve’s at his side in an instant.

 

“Buck, what’s wrong?  Are you hurt?”

 

“I called you… oh fuck… shit I’m sorry…. I called you… daddy,” Bucky says and he sounds upset.  Steve vows to put his mind at ease.

 

“Oh, handsome. Relax.  It’s all right.  I really didn’t mind.  Honestly.  And we talked about it.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“You’re not the first.  It really is fine.”

 

“Is that… wait, seriously?”

 

“Yes seriously.  Is it really that hard to believe?”

 

“Well, no.  Even when you were small I could still see it.  I think it’s more wrapping my head around it being the 30’s.”

 

“We were just as kinky then as now.  Just didn’t have as many ways to flaunt it,” Steve says with a chuckle and a soft kiss.  Bucky melts into it a little.  He curls into Steve and then makes a face at the mess he feels under him.

 

“Can we take a bath?”

 

“In a minute.  How do you feel?”

 

“Amazing. We so need to do this again.  When did you bring the food in, I don’t remember that?”  Bucky asks grabbing a sandwich.

 

“Oh you know…”

 

“Did you see any of the mirror universe ep?”  Bucky asks, he tries to sound annoyed but he’s smiling too much for it to really be effective.

 

“Bits and pieces.  We can watch it another time.  I’m sorry,” Steve says mock pouting.

 

“You’re not sorry at all.  But I’m willing to let it slide, but only if you let me take a bath this very second and we move to your room after.”

 

“Are you giving me orders?”  Steve asks, but it’s playful.

 

“Maybe, it’s more I can’t lay in this bed it’s gross.  And I’m a little sore so I want a bubble bath.”

 

“You should have said if you were sore.  Come on handsome.  Grab the water, will you?”

 

“It’s not that bad.  It’s a good kind of sore.  Hey Steve?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Nothing,” Bucky says suddenly shy.  There’s so much he wants to say to him he’s not sure where to begin.  Steve comes over and kisses him lightly.

 

“Go start the bath, I’ll remake the bed and come join you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Bucky heads into the bathroom and gets the water to a temperature he wants.  He looks at his options for bubble bath and decides to go with the vanilla.  He also decides that Nat must have picked them out for Steve, because he can’t see him picking lavender.  He’s about to turn the water off when Steve joins him, getting into the tub first.  He helps Bucky in then leans him back against him. 

 

“Mmm this is nice.”

 

“It is.  You still feeling okay?  We pushed a lot of your limits tonight.”

 

“I’m good.  As long as you’re really okay with the daddy thing.  And I don’t think it’s gonna be an all the time thing.  It just slipped out…”

 

“Sir is fine.  Steve’s fine too.  Whatever you want to do.”

 

“I know.  Are you… Did you….”  Bucky would really love to know where the shyness is coming from.

 

“Hey, relax, handsome,” Steve says as he starts washing him.

 

Bucky lets himself enjoy being pampered.  It lasts until the water runs cold.  Steve hops out of the tub and grabs a robe for each of them.  When they get into Steve’s room Bucky’s surprised to find food waiting.  It’s not the same food that was in the other bedroom, not that he cares because suddenly he’s starving.

 

Steve watches him from the doorway as he piles a plate high with food and then gets into bed.  He climbs in next to him and grabs a fork.  He chuckles when Bucky pulls the plate towards himself and tells him to get his own.

 

“I’m starving.”

 

“Again, you should have said something.”

 

“I wasn’t really hungry until we got out of the bath, honest.”

 

By the time they’re curled around each other Steve’s fighting to stay awake.  Bucky’s been facing him running his fingers through his hair and it feels nice.  He tells him so before kissing him softly.  He’s asleep before Bucky can respond.

 

Bucky’s glad Steve fell asleep first.  He doesn’t have to be shy now.  He can tell him all the things he wanted to earlier.  Like how he loves him more than he ever thought he could.  How he doesn’t think he’s ever going to forgive himself for saying what he did, even if Steve’s forgiven him.  How he feels lucky that Steve chose him to be with.  He thinks he’s done and then finds himself rambling to Steve.

 

“After Grant I really didn’t think anyone could love me.  I mean I was so screwed up.  Hell, I still am.  But then I met you.  And I tried not to get my hopes up, because I have a tendency to push people away.  But you haven’t let me.  I’m just really glad you’re as stubborn as you are.  And I’m really grateful that you haven’t given up on me, no matter how many times I’ve told you that you could.”

 

“Buck, come here,” Steve says quietly shifting so he can hold him.  Bucky goes willingly and Steve kisses the top of his head.

 

“Didn’t mean to wake you,” Bucky says as he makes patterns on Steve’s chest.

 

“Light sleeper.  Comes from having to sleep in tents during the war.  You sure you’re okay?”

 

“Yeah… no…. I don’t know.  I mean I am.  I just… I came so close to losing this.  Losing you, because I….”  Steve kisses him.

 

“Steve, he says, voice thick with emotion.

 

“You weren’t gonna lose me, sweet boy.  I promise you.  I was going to fight for this.  Love you.  Now get some sleep,” Steve says kissing him again softly.

 

“Okay, love you too.  Wake me up before you go on your run.”

 

“Not going.  You and I are gonna stay right here cuddling until you leave for home,” Bucky doesn’t reply and when Steve looks down he finds him snoring softly.  He kisses the top of his head and settles in to go back to sleep.

 

He wakes to find Bucky’s side of the bed cold, a check of the clock tells him they’ve only been asleep about two hours.  He goes out into the living room and finds Bucky curled up on the couch.  The T.V. is on mute.  Bucky’s not really focused on it.  He looks like he’s been crying.  Steve doesn’t say anything, just goes to the other end of the couch and sits facing him.  He opens his arms and Bucky curls into him with a sigh.  He cards his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

 

“I had a really weird dream.  Shook me awake.  I can’t get back to sleep.  Didn’t want to wake you with all the tossing and turning I was gonna do.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Don’t remember it, not really.  I just remember hearing Grant before I woke up.  And I could hear you calling to me.”

 

“Come here,” Steve says pulling him into his lap.

 

“You can go back to sleep I can just stay out here.”

 

“Nah, I’m not gonna be able to sleep knowing you’re out here all alone.”

 

They sit in silence for a bit and then to Bucky’s utter surprise Steve starts to tell him a story.  It’s clearly one he’s making up on the fly about a prince who’s had a spell cast on him so that he only finds frogs.  And then one day his dashing Captain of his forces comes back from the war.  And he’s telling the prince about all the battles he’s one in his honor, and the prince starts to feel funny, so funny in fact he collapses.  And the Captain does the only thing he can think of.  He kisses the prince. 

 

“Does that break the spell?” Bucky asks, playing along.  He also finds himself fighting to stay awake.

 

“Of course it does.  Not that the prince realizes it at first.  He’s still waiting for the Captain to turn into a frog.  And then one day the prince is visited by the witch who cast the spell on him in the first place.  She tells him that to break it he must truly believe that the captain loves him.  That only then will the spell be broken.  So the prince calls the captain into his chamber that night and tells him how he feels and asks him if he feels the same way.  The captain says he does then kisses him senseless.  When morning comes and the captain hasn’t turned into a frog the prince realizes the spell is broken.  There’s a huge party that night throughout the kingdom.  And they live happily… Buck, you awake?”    Steve kisses the top of his head and grabs the blanket from the back of the couch.  He holds him a little tighter than normal that night. 

 

Steve wakes the next morning to the smell breakfast.  Bucky’s holding a cup of coffee out to him.  He reaches for both Bucky and the coffee being careful not to spill.  He notices the tray of food once he’s pulled away and smiles.  He really should tell Bucky he doesn’t have to make him breakfast all the time.

 

“I like making breakfast.  At home growing up, I’d do breakfast and make the girls lunches for school and Ma would do dinner.  I really don’t mind,” Bucky says, Steve wonders if he said it out loud.

 

“Is mind reader one of your many talents, too?”

 

“Maybe.  Thank you for everything last night.  You didn’t have….” Steve quiets with a kiss.

 

“Don’t say it.  You’re right I didn’t have to.  I wanted to. Told you I like taking care of you.  Did you sleep okay?”

 

“Like a baby.  Hey, how did the story end?  I fell asleep”

 

“The captain and the prince lived happily ever after,” Steve says pulling Bucky into his lap.

 

They have breakfast and Bucky does dishes quickly despite Steve’s protests.  They then end up back in bed.  Steve wraps himself around Bucky.  They trade lazy kisses until Bucky’s phone rings.  He grabs it off the table and mouths that it’s Tony.  He pecks Steve on the lips and goes into the other room to talk.  Steve takes the opportunity to call his contact at the Smithsonian.  When Bucky comes back in the room he’s got a huge smile on his face. 

 

“Tracey at the Smithsonian called she’s going to be here on Friday so we can start planning exhibits.  She seemed surprised that I didn’t have any experience.  I sent her my mock ups.  Tony’s agreed to loan me one of the suits.  I still can’t believe it’s really happening.”

 

“See I told you it was going to all work out.  Did you want to go grab lunch somewhere to celebrate?”

 

“Nope.  I want to stay right here.  Oh I wanted to show you something I came up with it on the phone with Tracey,” Bucky says giving Steve his laptop. 

 

It’s the introduction to the museum for the wall as people walk in.  Bucky’s done as Tony suggested and used some of his paper.  He’s got boxes with pictures of Ebbett Field and Coney Island as well as a few of the dance halls.  But he’s also found a picture of the neighborhood from back then.  And he describes it in such vivid detail it’s as if Steve can see his younger self there.  He lets out a gasp.

 

“Buck, this is amazing.  You do this throughout the museum and you’re going to a huge success.  Come here,” Steve says moving the laptop to the floor.

 

Bucky goes to Steve who kisses him and rolls them so he’s lying on Bucky kissing him.  He moans when Bucky shifts against him.  He puts Bucky’s arms above his head and threads their fingers together.  He kisses down his neck sucking at his jawline, nipping softly.  He has the sudden urge to mark him. 

 

“This okay?”  Steve asks running his hands through his hair.

 

“Uh huh.  So okay.  I can wear a scarf if I’ve still got it on Friday.  It feels good.”

 

Steve resumes kissing and nipping at Bucky’s jaw.  He manages to get Bucky’s shirt off and continues down his chest.  Better to give him hickeys where he won’t have to hide them from other people.  Bucky keeps his hands over his head He starts to moan and whine.  He’s so turned on.  

 

“More, oh God more.  Please need more.”

 

“Sweet boy, what do you need?” Steve asks, as if he has no idea what he’s been doing.

 

“Don’t stop.  Want more.  Want to come.  Please. Want to from this.”

 

“Does my sweet boy think he can?”

 

“Want to try.”

 

“All right I’m never one to turn down a challenge.”

 

Steve works his way down the right side of his body nipping at various places.  He discovers Bucky’s ticklish by his ribs.  He moves to his hip and sucks the skin into his mouth nipping a little harder than he means to.  Bucky cries out.

 

“Fuck. Do that again.”

 

“Wasn’t too hard?”   Steve asks giving the spot kitten licks.

 

“No.  Felt really good.  We’ve worked up to me liking the pain, sir.”

 

“Oh have we?”  Steve asks.  Bucky moans at the devilish gleam in his eye. 

 

“Oh fuck,” Bucky says grabbing at the air with his hands.  He wishes they were in the spare room so he could wrap his hands around the posts in the headboard.

 

“Baby boy, you can grab anything but me.  How does that sound?  Grab me and I stop.”

 

“Nngh,” he moves his hands next to him on the bed and grabs the sheets. 

 

Steve nips at the spot on Bucky’s hip again and smiles at the mark it leaves.  He moves down Bucky’s leg ignoring his cock and repeats the action on his inner thigh.  When Bucky’s leg kicks out he stops. 

 

“No, don’t stop, please don’t stop I’m so close.”  Bucky begs.  He’s almost crying. 

 

“Hey, sweetheart, take a breath for me okay.  You’re all right.”

 

“Sir, don’t stop.  Feels good.  I’m so close.  Need to come.  Need to come.  Please sir.  Let me.  Need it.  Need it please oh please sir, I’ve been good.  Please let me come,” before Steve can get permission out completely he’s coming.  Arching off the bed and making the obscenest sound Steve’s ever heard.  Yet, Bucky doesn’t seem upset.  In fact, he doesn’t seem to be in the room at all.  Steve’s trying not to be worried.

 

Bucky can tell something’s wrong.  He sounds funny.  Can hear the cadence in Steve’s voice change, but he’s in a haze of pleasure it’s wonderful.  There’s nothing but Steve and the pain and the pleasure.  He doesn’t want it to stop.  He can hear Steve asking him to do something.  Wants him to focus.  He tries he really does but where he is feels too good to leave.

 

“Bucky, focus for me.  Just for a second,” he watches him try.  Bucky can’t seem to.  He’s not sure what he’s done to get him like this.  Steve runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair and kisses him softly a few times.  Then watches as he slowly, so very slowly, comes back to himself.

 

“Sir,” he says quietly; the haze having lifted a bit.

 

“Hiya, handsome, need a minute?” Steve says, trying to mask the concern.

 

“Mmmm.”

 

“Can you give me a color?”

 

“Blue,” he says sluggishly.

 

“Okay, that’s new what does that one mean?” Steve asks, trying to keep his tone light.

 

“Both green and yellow.  I want to… want to come again.  But holy shit.”

 

“Sentences are good.  You want some water?”  Steve asks, he doesn’t have the heart to tell Bucky he’s pretty sure he’s done for the day.

 

“Don’t leave.”

 

“Just going to reach over you to my nightstand.  That all right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Steve reaches over and grabs the bottles of water from his nightstand.  He hands one to Bucky who downs it in two gulps.  Then he’s making grabby hands for Steve. He lets Bucky wrap himself around him and kisses his temple.

 

“Whatever that was we need to do it again.  Not soon though maybe like once a year.  I have no idea what happened.  But man did it feel good.  I scared you though, that’s not good.”

 

“Wait, you weren’t scared?”

 

“Nope.  It was nothing but you and the feelings and wow.”

 

“You sure you’re all right?”

 

“Steve, come here,” Bucky says shifting so he can hold him.

 

“Oh I like this,” Steve says, it comes out with more sass then he means and Bucky goes to shift back.

 

“No, stay like this.  It’s good.  I don’t like it when I can’t reach you.  I worry you’re going to think I’m… well…. Like…”

 

“You’re not like any of them.  Even Scott.  I feel so safe with you.  I know if I start to freak you’re going to find a way to get me back to myself.  I’ve never had that level of trust with anyone,” Bucky says, interrupting him.  He finishes with a kiss.

 

“It’s occurred to me, just now, I’ll admit, I’ve never asked you why.  I mean Wanda did bring up a good point.  You can’t just put your faith in me because I’m Captain America.  I could still be an asshole.  This could just be a really elaborate ruse.  Might take me a while to turn into an asshole, you never know.”

 

“Says the man who signed up for Project Rebirth because he didn’t like bullies.  Oh didn’t know that was public knowledge huh?  The MP outside the cubicle you were in overheard you say it Erskine.  According to him he knew you’d been chosen.  He knew based on that Erskine was going to insist you go first.  That’s how I know.  It’s not in you to bully someone.  It’s not in you to get your jollies by   hurting someone.  Just face it, not only are you the living embodiment of what American Freedom is, you’re also a prince charming.”

 

“American Freedom, huh?  I apparently fucked your brains out as the kids say these days.”

 

“Careful, you’re sounding like an old man,” Bucky says through a yawn.

 

“You can sleep if you want, handsome.”

 

“No, I have to be home in time for dinner that doesn’t give us a lot of time.  And I’m hungry.  I made us skip lunch.”

 

“I’ll be back. You nap some.”

 

“Okay.  You sure?”

 

“Get some rest sweetheart.  I’ll be back in a bit,” Steve says turning so he can kiss him.

 

“Love you.”

 

Steve whips him up a huge meal.  It’s probably going to mean Bucky isn’t going to want dinner, but maybe that means he can convince him to stay a little later.  He really wishes Bucky…

 

“Stop that now, Rogers.  You promised him no pressure.  And you meant it.”

 

“Careful, there.  If I didn’t know any better, I might think you were losing it.”

 

“You’re supposed to be napping,” Steve says, clearly embarrassed.

 

“I did for a bit.  But then someone decided hey, let me cook a bunch of food and have the smell permeate the whole apartment.  Starving remember,” Bucky says wrapping himself around him from behind.

 

Steve shoos him off and makes him set the table.  When lunch is done and everything’s cleaned up Bucky drags Steve over to the couch so they can continue their Star Trek marathon.  They’re in the middle of an episode where Kirk, Spock and McCoy are all on a gangster planet when Bucky pauses it.

 

“I’ve been thinking.  Maybe I could leave stuff here tonight.  Would that be okay?”

 

“Well, there is an extra closet I’m not using.  And my toothbrush is awful lonely.  So yeah, why not.”

 

“Steve,” Bucky whines.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“So not what you were going to say,” Steve teases.

 

Bucky kisses him.  He doesn’t really want to go home.  But he promised his mother, and he always keeps his promises to her.  He stays as late as he can.  Steve kisses him and tells him to text him when he gets home so he knows he’s safe.  Bucky kisses him and says he will.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets everything he wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The end. Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments. I hope you all enjoyed.

The rest of the week flies by.  Steve has Avengers business to attend to.  Bucky has things with the museum.  When Bucky meets with Tracey from the Smithsonian on Friday he expects Steve to be there.  He does his best to hide his disappointment that he’s not.

 

“So, James, I think some of the items you want to have from us are definitely doable. There are exceptions I’m afraid, such as the sketchbooks.  Without Captain Rogers okay, those have to stay in the archives.  And there’s no way we can authorize them to be used as souvenirs.  I’m sorry.  There’s also the matter of his uniforms.  I’m not sure we can get authorization to loan those to you.  We can certainly give you his uniform from the Battle of New York, but otherwise you’re going to need to be more established.  There’s also the matter of mementos from his childhood….”

 

By the time his meeting with Tracey wraps up Bucky feels like he’s failed.  He calls Steve and gets his voicemail.  He calls Pepper Potts and she gets furious on his behalf.  She tells him to sit tight.  She’s got a few things she can try.  In the end no amount of Tony Stark’s money can get the Smithsonian to budge. 

 

The next few weeks pass and Steve’s out of town.  When it isn’t the Avengers it’s SHIELD.  Bucky keeps trying to get through the red tape the Smithsonian puts in his way.  Finally, Tracey tells him to have Steve call her when he gets home. Bucky wonders if she’ll tell him no too.  He’s beginning to think she will.  He calls and sets up an appointment with Tony for the following week. 

 

He arrives at Avengers tower wearing the same suit he did when he got the grant.  He shakes Tony’s hand and takes a seat opposite him.  He’s suddenly hit with a wave of nerves.  He clears his throat and takes a sip of water.

 

“Al right, kid, what’s this all about?”  Tony asks once he’s settled.

 

“Here,” Bucky says passing an envelope over to Tony.

 

“This is the grant money, minus a thousand dollars.  Bucky what the hell are you doing?”

 

“The Smithsonian isn’t going to budge.  And without artifacts from them I’m dead in the water.  Becca says there’s an opening at Starbucks.  It’s going to take me a while but I’ll….” Bucky stops when he hears the office door open.

 

“Pepper said you wanted to see me. Bucky?  Wait what’s going on?”  Steve asks coming into the room.

 

“Steve, talk some sense into your boy, would you.  He’s trying to give me the money back.”

 

“Could we have a minute?”

 

“Course.  Take all the time you need, just no funny business in my office.   Bucky I’m just going to tear this up,” Tony says as he leaves.

 

“Handsome, I’m sorry.  Things kept coming up.  I’ve got a flight to Washington booked for tomorrow morning.  I’ll get this straightened out.  Are you all right?”  Bucky shakes his head no.

 

“Can we go…home.”

 

“Yeah, come on.  Do you want to go to my floor or back to my place in Brooklyn?”

 

“Brooklyn, but I was thinking…. You could come to mine.  You haven’t seen it since I moved in.  I’m all settled in.”

 

“All right.”

 

They get to Bucky’s and Steve walks through the lower floor shocked at how little there is.  He tries to hide his anger and fails.  Bucky’s leaning against the door just watching.  It gives him a bit of thrill to know Steve’s so pissed. 

 

“You know this isn’t what I wanted you to see,” Bucky says finally.

 

“I know, I’m sorry.  So what did you do with the third floor”?”

 

Bucky takes his hand and leads him up the stairs.  Bucky opens the door and Steve can’t believe it. It’s not what he would have expected at all.   He didn’t expect a frat house, but not something like this.   It’s cozy and inviting.  It also reminds him of his place a bit.  He looks to Bucky who’s shifting from foot to foot nervously.  Steve smiles at him and then goes to check out the DVDs and books.  He notices most of the items on his list are here.  He turns back to Bucky and crooks his finger.  Bucky goes to him.  Steve kisses him softly.

 

“You didn’t have to do all this.  This is your space”

 

“This way you don’t have to lug stuff back and forth.  It was my way of… look I know you asked me to move in.  But there are going to be nights, if I can ever get this thing off the ground, I’m going to have to work late.  You can hang out here catch up on your list.  If you…” Steve kisses him again.

 

Bucky makes Steve dinner and then they end up on the couch watching _Goldfinger_.  Bucky’s been on edge most of the movie. Steve tries to soothe and can’t seem to.  He shuts it off half way through and then kisses the top of Bucky’s head.

 

“What’s wrong?”  Steve asks, he’s started running his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

 

“I’m fine now.”

 

“Bucky,” Steve says, in warning.

 

“I don’t even know where to start.”

 

“So you’re just going to lie to me and tell me everything is fine?”

 

“I am though, you’re here.  So I am.  I’m not lying to you.”

 

“All right, let me ask it another way.  What do you need?”

 

Bucky’s silent for a while.  He and Steve haven’t really talked all month.  Oh Steve knows about the Smithsonian, but that’s more because Pepper called than Bucky himself.  But he doesn’t know how bad things have been for Bucky.  How he almost admitted himself to the hospital again the yesterday because the anxiety had gotten so bad.  How he’s locked himself away because he’s been filled with doubt about everything including how Steve feels about him.  How the whole reason he tried to give the money back because he’s sure there’s no way to make the museum work.  Bucky’s afraid to tell him.

 

“Why did you come home?”  Bucky asks.  He knows from overhearing things while waiting for Tony today, Steve was expected to be gone another week at least.

 

“Peggy.  She’s been asking for me.”

 

“Oh, yeah, Sharon said she’s not doing well.  I gave her your number I hope that’s okay.  I mean I figured because it was about Peggy it would be.  If I over….” Steve puts a finger on his lips.

 

“Breathe, Buck.  It’s fine.  I’m glad you did.  Anything you want to tell me?”

 

“When did you talk to her?” 

 

“Yesterday.  I apparently interrupted her on the phone with you.  She said she had to go because she had to talk you down.  Down from what?”

 

“I thought I ran out of meds.  My emergency bottle, the one I keep in my backpack, is at your place.  We never… you… I don’t have a key to your place.  This month’s been hell.  Fighting with the Smithsonian over everything.  Feeling like I’m letting you down.  The Avengers stuff, and you not being able to check in because Fury’s got you immediately off doing something else.  I’m going to be what I swore I’d never be, clingy.  I needed you home.  If you’d been home I could have called and we could have hung out and….”  Bucky stops and untangles himself from Steve and starts to pace.

 

“Everything came to a head yesterday.  Pepper called for an update on the museum.  I wasn’t in a good headspace so I thought she was… it’s why I went to see Tony today…” Steve pulls him into his lap on one of his passes.

 

“Look when I’m not in a state of anxiety I know you’ve just been really busy.  That’s why you haven’t called or checked in.  You warned me this might happen.  But the last week’s been really bad.  And I know you talked to Pepper, she said yesterday.  The month’s been bad.   And well, you talked to Pepper, and I know you’ve got my number in your phone.  Kinda hard to miss Bucky with a whole mess of hearts around it.  I really do…..”  Steve kisses him.

 

“I love you.  I’m sorry.  I should have called and checked in.  Fury had me leave my phone at the base on ops.  And you’re right it was one thing after another.  But that’s no excuse.  I should have checked in. What did Sharon have to talk you down from?”

 

“It’s not what you’re thinking.  I wasn’t going to hurt myself.  I wasn’t going to kill myself.  I wasn’t going to call Scott and have him Dom me.  She was trying to convince me not to check myself into the hospital when you interrupted.  She came back and told me that it’d been you on the phone, pointed out if you tried to call me and I was in the hospital, they probably wouldn’t let you talk to me.  Said I should sleep on it.  So I did.”

 

“Is that why you went to see Tony?  Went to return the money?”  Bucky nods.  Steve holds him a little tighter.

 

“Was gonna check myself in after.  Well I was gonna come home and change then go.  My therapist said it might be a good idea.  But when I mentioned it to Doctor Banner this afternoon… um is it normal for his eyes to flash green?  I was afraid to ask Tony.”

 

“It means he was angry.  I’m going to suggest something.  It’s not an order, but a strong suggestion.  Find another therapist.”

 

“I’ll call the one I had in college.  She retired.  It’s the only reason I started going to this guy.  He only agreed to it because I mentioned it.”

 

“Do you think you needed to?  Was it that bad?”

 

“I don’t know.  I’m not clearheaded enough.”

 

Steve’s about to respond when his phone pings with a text.  He grabs it and frowns and then has Bucky move off his lap.  He ducks into the bedroom to make a call.  Bucky goes to see if he can find them anything for dessert.  He can faintly hear Steve yelling into his phone and he doesn’t want to be in the living room where he’ll be able to make it out clearly. 

 

Steve throws open his bedroom door and is still talking on the phone.  Bucky has to smile at the fact he’s just told Nick Fury to fuck off and find someone else.  Steve growls and Bucky hears his phone hit the couch cushions.  Before he come out and ask Steve if everything is okay he’s wrapping himself around Bucky.

 

“You can go if you need to,” Bucky says.

 

“Nope.  I’ve been gone a month. Besides, I have Peggy to see, speaking of your coming with me.  I cancelled the commercial flight.  Tony’s letting us borrow the jet.  We leave at stupid o’clock in the morning.  Sharon and Wanda are meeting us.”

 

“Wait, what?  I…. I mean I’ve met Peggy before… it was for all of five minutes at our high school graduation.  But this is different.  Steve are you sure?”

 

“She wants to meet ‘the man who stole my heart’, her words not mine.  And I don’t know if I can do this alone.  I just…” Bucky turns and faces him and then pulls him in for a hug.

 

“Of course I’ll come.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Define, stupid o’clock.”

 

“Six.”

 

“Oh that’s not so bad.  I can shower while… you’re not staying.   You can’t.”

 

“I was thinking, let me run home and pack a bag.  It’ll only take half an hour tops.  Unless you wanted to come with me.”

 

“I might um… well… we’ve done it every room of your apartment you’ll let us.  And you haven’t seen my bed… or did you peek at it just now?”

 

“I just sat at the foot of it.  Kinda fell back on it.”

 

“Oh.  Yeah you, run home.  See you when you get back.”

 

“James Buchanan Barnes, what are you up to?”

 

“You’ll see.  Now go on,” Bucky says pushing him out the door with a peck on the lips.

 

Steve gets back to Bucky’s and finds a note on the front door telling him to use the key Bucky knows he has on his keyring.  Steve does so and heads for the third floor to find the front door to the apartment ajar.  He goes inside and finds a trail of desserts leading to the bedroom.  There are chocolate chip cookies, a brownie, a bowl of fruit, and strawberries and cream right as he hits the door.  And while Steve’s got a sweet-tooth this is over doing it a bit.  He pushes the door open and gasps.

 

“Welcome home, sir.” Bucky says.  Steve doesn’t reply.  He can’t Bucky’s somehow managed to tie himself to his bed.  Steve is immediately hard.

 

“Well, now.  Is this what I’ve been missing out on all month?  You practicing tying yourself to the bed.”

 

“Yes, sir.  Wanted to surprise you.  Wanted to….”

 

“Wanted to?  Tell me.”

 

“Wanted to…. Use me sir.  Want you to use me for your pleasure tonight.  I’ve… I thought… there are… presents for you on the dresser.”

 

Steve looks over to the dresser and arches a brow at what he sees.  There’s a flogger and a cock ring as well as a dildo.  Steve turns back around and goes to Bucky.  He removes the ties and then kisses him.

 

“What’s going on here, Buck?”

 

“I just… I thought…. When things got really bad, I thought the whole reason you hadn’t called was because you found someone else.  Someone who was less…. who could handle the harsher aspects.  Who liked to be…. I thought you didn’t want me anymore because I’m so boring.  I don’t like….”  Steve holds him.

 

“Oh Bucky,” Steve says quietly.

 

“I’m not your…” he takes a few deep breaths, unable to ask.  Afraid of the answer.

 

Steve curses himself in his head.  How could he have let this happen?  How could he have let Bucky get like this?   He kisses his temple, and Bucky tries to pull away.  He tries to get up.  Steve moves away a bit.  Bucky shifts so he’s curled in on himself with his head on his knees.

 

“You’re always my sweet boy, always.  I love the way we are together.  I meant it when I said you were perfect for me.  Do you remember me saying it, you were pretty out of it?” Steve asks moving so he’s in front of him.   Bucky shakes his head.

 

“You’re the perfect sub.  I don’t know how I got so lucky that you chose me.  And I know I screwed up this last month.  Let me try to fix it, please.  I love you,”

 

“Love you, too,” Bucky lays back down and Steve gets back beside him.

 

“What can I do?” Steve asks, it’s not lost on him that when Bucky asked the same questions two months ago he didn’t have an answer.

 

“Sit against the headboard, please sir,” Steve does and Bucky leans back against him.

 

Steve wraps his arms around him and kisses the side of his neck.  Then he massages his shoulders.  Bucky lets him but the tension isn’t leaving.  Steve tells him to relax and Bucky turns and actually glares at him.

 

“I take it you’re in charge tonight?”  Steve teases.

 

Bucky gets out of bed and goes into the bathroom and shuts the door.  Steve hears things getting thrown around the room and a muffled scream. He’s on his feet and in the room in seconds.  he’s sitting on the tub shaking.  It’s then that Steve realizes how bad it really is.

 

“Handsome, come back to…. I let the one glare go.  I’m not a mind reader Bucky.  You have to tell me what you need,” Steve says using the tone.  He sits on the closed toilet seat because he’s fairly sure Bucky’s not going to be perceptive to him sitting on the tub.

 

“I don’t fucking know what I need.  Knew a month ago.  Now I have no fucking idea anymore.  Do you understand how bad it got?  I was gonna check myself in, Steve.  Sleeping wasn’t working, the meds, once I found some in a box I hadn’t unpacked yet, weren’t working.  I didn’t want anyone else to…. Becca knows a hell of a lot more than I thought she did about my life.  She said she knew a guy who might be able to help.  My own fucking sister thought she had to find me a Dom because mine, who by the way promised to figure something out when he was in the field, couldn’t be bothered to check in.”

 

Bucky’s suddenly across Steve’s lap.  When the first smack happens he lets out a surprised yelp, which turns into a moaned out one.  The second smack is just a full moan.  Steve smacks him one more time and he makes sure to count it.

 

“What’s your color, Buck?”

 

“Vibrant green on one condition.”

 

“What?”  Steve asks, trying to keep his voice even.

 

“Don’t apologize later for not asking first.  I am so okay with this.  More, please sir.”

 

“All right, sweet boy.”

 

Steve gives him seven more and Bucky counts each one.  He’s still tense but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was when Steve tried giving him the massage.  Steve finds some lotion by the sink and makes sure to soothe the red away.  He moans.

 

He stands Bucky up and tells him to go into the bedroom and kneel at the foot of the bed.  He follows him in and tosses the flogger into the bathroom trash.  He leaves the dildo and the cock ring.  Bucky smiles.

 

“Do you know why you were punished?”

 

“Because I went off on you.  Because I didn’t tell you what I was feeling right away.”

 

“Anything else you can think of?”  Bucky shakes his head.

 

 He can’t think straight right now.  He wonders if everything before was just warm up to this.  Because Steve like this is the hottest fucking thing he has ever experienced in his life.  He also wonders if this was how Steve was as a Dom when he was skinny.  Steve chuckles and Bucky blushes, clearly embarrassed.

 

“Don’t be embarrassed sweet boy, it’s only natural you’d wonder.  Is that what you want?  Do you want me to be like I used to be?”

 

“Please sir.  I’ve… dreamed of it for so long.

 

“Really?  Sit on the floor,” Steve says amazed.

 

“Yeah.  Pretty much since you told me.  But you’re the same person so I never asked for it,” he says relaxing so he’s more sitting than kneeling.

 

Steve sits on the bed and pats his lap which Bucky immediately climbs into.  He kisses him softly and runs his hands up and down his arms for a moment.  Bucky snuggles in and sighs happily.  This right here is what he needed.

 

“How did you want to do this? We’ve never role played before.”

 

“In my head it was usually one of two ways it would happen.  You can’t laugh though.  Okay you can but only because the one is pretty silly.  So it was either I’d get a knock at my door and there you’d be all skinny and smoking hot in the uniform.  Cause some asshole alien had zapped you with something and Tony couldn’t fix it right away; but Bruce gave you the okay to go home as long as you weren’t alone.  And it would always only last long enough for us to have a scene.  Then you’d be back to post serum.  And for some reason it didn’t just physically change you… you thought you were still pre-serum.  Cause you’d be all amazed at the digital clock and shit.”

 

“I’m almost afraid to ask what the other way was, Steve says with a chuckle.

 

“The TARDIS would show up.  I’d help the Doctor defeat some alien and as a thank you he’d take me to 1930’s Brooklyn.  He’d even take care of placing the ad for me.  Well, the TARDIS would.  Then I’d get the best sex of my life and go home.  You’re not laughing.  I said you could….”  Steve kisses him soundly.  He moans into it and grinds his ass on Steve’s still clothed hard on.

 

“You could go anywhere you wanted and you chose me,” Steve says when they part, he’s got a dopey grin on his face which makes Bucky melt just a bit.

 

“Course I did.  So I was thinking.  I throw some clothes on go out into the hall and knock.  Or was it you who usually did the knocking?”

 

“Depended on who got to the place we’d agreed on first if it was public.  If it was private I usually did.”

 

“Okay, we’ll say I got the room.  Can we skip the whole limits etc.  And can I use Roosevelt as my safe word tonight?”

 

“You sure?” Thought you wanted the whole experience.”

 

“In my dreams you knew.”

 

“All right.  We use the color system.  I can color out just like you.  And yes, you can use Roosevelt for the night.  Same limits apply.  We use the tap system for a blow job.  Do you want me to call you Bucky at first, or James?”  Bucky moans.

 

“James.”

 

“Anything you don’t want me to call you?”

 

“Nah.  What about you?”

 

“Steve and sir are fine,” Steve says kissing him softly.

 

He then heads for bedroom door and goes out.  Bucky races to find something that isn’t sweat pants to wear and fixes his hair back in a ponytail.  He takes a few deep breaths then realizes they never discussed aftercare.  He goes to the bedroom door to find Steve standing there holding four bottles of water and a sleeve of crackers, plus most of the desserts from the living room, all arranged on the breakfast tray his sister bought him as a housewarming gift.  Steve hands him the tray with a peck on his lips.  Bucky puts the tray on the dresser and tosses the rest of Steve’s gift into the bathroom cabinet before shutting the door. He knocks once lightly on the door to let Steve know he’s ready.

 

Steve knocks on the door and Bucky takes a few deep breaths.  He then opens the door and smiles shyly.  He should have asked how the men acted.  Steve smiles at him and he starts relaxing a bit.

  
“Hello, James, it’s good to see you again.”

 

“Hi, Steve, come in please.”

 

“You all right, James?  You seem a bit on edge.”

 

“Things at the museum have been stressful.”

 

“So you need to get out of your head tonight then?”

  
“Please, sir,” Steve doesn’t say anything for a long moment.  He pulls a sketchbook from his back pocket and goes and sits on the bed.

 

“Strip.  Slowly.  Place it neatly on the dresser away from the food.”

 

Bucky does as he’s told.  He smiles at the fact Steve wants to sketch him.  He folds everything but his jacket neatly.  That he lays across the top of everything.  His cock is hard and he’s amazed he hasn’t started leaking.  Steve puts the sketchbook on the nightstand and then walks around Bucky admiring his body.  He runs a hand over his ass and Bucky moans in the back of his throat.  Steve comes around the other side and stands in front of him.

 

“Kneel,” Bucky drops to his knees in one fluid motion and it’s Steve’s turn to moan.

 

“Your ad said you wanted to be used.  Do you still?  Now that you know it’s me and not someone else.  Or do you want me to get you out of your head like I usually do.”

 

“A little rougher than normal sir, but don’t use me.”

 

“Your safe word is still Roosevelt, correct?”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“Take out my cock, gorgeous boy.”

 

Bucky does and moans again.  Steve’s harder than he’s ever seen him.  Okay so technically that’s probably not possible.  But he’s making his mouth water at the sight.  Steve taps his lips with the tip and Bucky almost comes.  He opens his mouth and Steve just puts the tip in.  Bucky sucks and licks.  He feels Steve’s hands go to his hair and his eyes close.  He’s starting to feel floaty.  Steve lets a little more of himself slip into his mouth and Bucky blanks out for a second.  He taps his finger against Steve who pulls out.  
  
“What’s your color?”

 

“Yellow.”

 

“What is it?”  Steve asks, his demeanor's gone back to normal and Bucky whines.

 

“Buck, you okay?”

 

“I blanked out.  I’ve never… not this early…. Can I have some water, please?”

 

“Of course.  Do you want to sit on the bed?”  Bucky shakes his head as he drinks.

 

“I’m okay now.  I don’t want to stop.  Please,” he begs.  He’s a little whiny too.  Steve runs a hand through his hair.

 

“Hey, handsome, sh.  I’m not gonna stop.  It’s okay, we have all night.  It’s only nine.  You can sleep on the plane.  What’s your color?”

  
“Green.”

 

“Good boy telling me what you needed.  Do you need want me to go slower?”

 

“No sir.  We can pick up where we left off.”

 

Steve let’s Bucky have the tip again.  He sighs happily he tries to take more in and Steve tugs on his hair lightly.  He moans.  Steve can tell he’s starting to slip away slightly so he gives him what he wants and eases a bit more into his mouth.  Bucky licks and sucks lightly.  Steve keeps a watchful eye to make sure he doesn’t go too fast.  Steve keeps easing himself and then pulls out to just the tip again.  Bucky makes little sighs when he does.  He gets close and pulls out completely telling Bucky how good he was.  That he wants to come inside him.  Bucky shivers and whines.

 

“What’s your color, James?”

 

“Yellow.  Need to come sir.”

 

“Just from sucking my cock?  That’s new.” Steve says, amazed and even more turned on.  “Oh my sweet boy is the best.”

 

“It’s not that, sir.  It’s you.  I….” He trails off and looks away embarrassed.  He’s also about to come from the praise.  He takes a few deep breaths but it’s not helping.  He’s shaking with the need of it.

 

“Come for me,” Bucky does with a drawn out ‘thank you sir’.  He slumps further into the carpet and Steve kneels down with the bowl of water and a cloth. 

 

“Sir…”

 

“Easy, handsome I’ve got you.  You all right?”

 

“Yellow.  Need a bit.”

 

“We’ll take all the time you need," Steve realizes this is going to be tougher than he thought.  He can't act like he used to, not with Bucky.

 

He curls into Steve and drifts a bit.  He’s feeling really sleepy.  He settles in more and starts to doze.  Steve kisses his temple and holds him a bit tighter than is really necessary, but he’s missed this too.  He’s angry with himself that he let Fury use him again.  He picks Bucky up and carries him over to the bed.  He gets him under the covers then grabs the sketchbook off the nightstand before getting in himself.

 

Bucky wakes to Steve playing with his hair and sketching.  He doesn’t remember falling asleep.  But realizes he feels more rested from his nap then he has in the entire month he and Steve were apart.  He’s not sure how to explain that one to Steve.  And if he’s honest he’s not sure how comfortable he is with it.

 

“Why not, handsome.  I sleep better if you’re next to me too.”

 

“Ugh.  Looks like I’m back at not being able to keep my thoughts in my head.  Because then I’m like those needy clingy people.  I’m not like that.”

 

“When did the anxiety attack start.  And I’m convinced it was just one.  So if I’m wrong tell me.”

 

“No, you’re right I think.  And that Friday I had the first meeting with Tracey.  She kept listing all these things they couldn’t loan me and by the time she was done I felt like it was never going to happen.  I tried calling you.  It went straight to voicemail.  I know I was ranting, but I really did need you to just check in.”

 

“I’m gonna fix it, Buck, I promise.”

 

“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep,”  he says quietly.

 

“Bucky.”

 

“I know you’d try to keep it.  Wait, let me finish.  If it were just up to you I know you’d keep it.  But it’s not.  It’s Fury and the Avengers too.  Well, more Fury I think than the Avengers.  Clint said he told you to call me and you went to but Fury or someone snagged you and you had to go off.”

 

“I’m quitting SHIELD.”

 

“Steve, I can’t ask you to do that. What would Peggy say?”

 

“Peggy would say I’d given enough of myself to the job and it was high time I did what made me happy.  You make me happy.  And it’s not like I don’t get paid for the Avengers. Hey I know I can be a guide at the museum if I get bored,” Bucky laughs and leans up to kiss him.  God he loves him.

 

“Love you too.  I really am….” Bucky kisses him.

 

“I know you’re sorry.  I know you actually do feel bad.  I’m sorry I yelled.  And it was the flogger wasn’t it.  That’s what pissed you off.”

 

“Yeah.  I threw mine away, you know.”

 

“Steve!”

 

“What?  You said it was a hard no.  And I’m not having it around where you can wonder ‘am I gonna do something that pisses him off enough he uses it.’  So I got rid of it.”

 

“Thank you,” Bucky says looking away.

 

“None of that.  How are you feeling?”

 

“A little hungry.”

 

Steve kisses the top of his head and then goes and grabs the tray.  He makes Bucky eat more than just the sweets.  He then goes into the kitchen to replenish it.  Bucky thinks he could get really used to this. He’s really glad Steve walked in and just started treating his place like it was his own. It means that maybe he will come hang out when…

 

“Oh God how long have you been standing there?” Bucky asks when Steve pulls away from the kiss he’s just given him.

 

“Long enough to know you’re just as much of a sap as I am,” Steve kisses him and climbs under the covers on top of Bucky.

 

“Sir.” Bucky moans.

 

“Is my sweet boy ready to play some more?”

 

“Please sir.  Sorry I fell asleep.”

 

“Don’t be.  I had some sketches to finish anyway,” Steve says as he takes Bucky’s right arm in his and raises it over his head. 

 

“Color?”

 

“Green, sir.”

 

“So your ad said you wanted to be used.  But you said when I got here you wanted me to just be a little rough with you.  But then you came from just sucking my cock and then promptly fell asleep on me.  So I haven’t gotten to have any real fun.  What do you suggest we do to fix that?”

 

“Anything you want sir.  I mean it.  Anything,” he says.  He’s so turned on again he can’t think straight.

 

“Careful James.  You have no idea what I want.”

 

“I know sir, sorry sir.  What do you want?”

 

“I say we compromise.  I finish tying you to the bed and then I have my way with you.  Maybe give you what you’ve been asking for in the past; deny letting you come again until you get home tomorrow morning.  Or I come all over you after you suck me? Then I’ll feed you my come,” Bucky moans.

 

“Oh like that idea do you?”

 

Mmm yes, sir.  Fuck.”

 

“I’m going to let you think about denying you while I finish tying you up.  Do you want a blindfold and gag as well?”  Bucky’s hips move of their own accord trying to find some sort of friction.  He’s pretty sure he’s going to die. 

 

“Please, sir to the blindfold.  But I want to be able to beg, sir,” Steve moans then kisses Bucky hard nipping at his lower lip as he ends the kiss.

 

“Very well.”

 

Before Bucky knows it he’s in darkness and can barely move.  He’s fully hard again and hasn’t been able to think straight since Steve started telling him what he wanted; and now he’s got to try to decide if he wants to wait till morning to come.  He’s pretty sure he’ll die.  Then Bucky remembers what Steve said about denial.  He uses it to his advantage.

 

“Yellow.  I have a question, sir.”

 

“Go ahead, sweet boy.”

 

“You said before, denial wasn’t part of the ads.”

 

“It wasn’t. Do you not want it?”

 

“I’m pretty sure I’d die.”

 

“Oh I’m sure you’d be fine.  But because you’ve asked so nicely.  You can’t come until I say.  Beg all you want; it’s still going to be a while.  What’s your color?”

 

“Vibrant green again, sir.”

 

Steve starts running his hands up and down Bucky’s body.  God he’s missed getting to touch him.  He’s writhing on the bed and Steve’s not even touched his cock yet.  It’s gorgeous.  He tells him as much and Bucky whines in the back of his throat. He starts begging to come.  Steve chuckles lightly then kisses the no into his mouth.  Bucky bangs his head against the pillow. 

 

Steve takes his cock in his hand and rubs it to get a little relief.  Then he rubs it over Bucky’s lips.  He takes the tip in and sucks.  He tries to get more and whines because he can’t.  Steve eases himself in and out of his mouth at a snail’s pace.  He removes the blindfold and Bucky blinks a few times.  Steve pulls out and jerks himself a few times before he comes on Bucky’s stomach.  Bucky moans.  He scoops his fingers through his come and then orders Bucky to suck them.  He does it until Bucky’s mostly clean.  Bucky’s fucking the air by the time he’s done.

 

“Please sir, need to come.  Need to… please… I’ll be so good for you… make it so good for you… need to come.  Please,” Bucky arches as much off the bed as the ties will allow as Steve strokes his cock.  He uses his other hand to stroke over Bucky’s arms.  He knows he’s probably playing dirty but he wants this to be good for Bucky.

 

“Sh, baby boy.  I’ll give you what you need.  What’s your color?”

 

“Green so much green.”

 

“Good boy.”

 

Steve eases up on Bucky’s cock and then just strokes up and down his arms.  He watches Bucky’s eyes lose focus and knows he’s floating.  Steve unties him and then shifts so he can get on the bed.  He takes Bucky into his arms and makes sure to keep up his ministrations.  When he tells him to come Bucky looks more gorgeous than Steve thinks he’s ever seen.  Not that he doesn’t always think he’s gorgeous when he comes.  He keeps running his hands all over Bucky for a bit after that.  Then he grabs the cloth to clean him up.  He grabs water and the food and moves it closer to the bed; making sure to never stray too far from Bucky’s side.

 

Bucky comes back to himself slowly.  Slower than normal.  Steve would be worried but he knows how bad it’s been lately for him.  He tells him to take his time.  That he doesn’t have to come back if he’s not ready.  He snuggles into Steve and kisses his shoulder; but Steve can tell by looking at him he’s not fully himself yet.

 

‘I’m right here handsome, I’ve got you.  You’re safe.  I’m not going anywhere,” Bucky relaxes again.

 

“Buck, handsome, come back for me before you fall asleep, all right?”  Steve says. It takes a while but Bucky shifts and makes grabby hands for the water.  He drinks it down before speaking softly.

 

“Hi.”

 

“How do you feel?” Steve asks as he hands him a bottle of water.

 

“So much better.  Thank you, sir.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me.  Ever.”

 

Bucky says nothing just kisses Steve.  Then he’s grabbing food.  Steve reminds him to go slow.  He nods but doesn’t really slow down.  Steve just shakes his head.  Bucky puts the plate on the nightstand and then he’s curling up on him.

 

“This okay?” 

 

“Of course it is.  I don’t mind being your pillow.  Get some sleep Buck.”

 

“Love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

Steve doesn’t sleep that night.  He watches Bucky sleep and holds him closer when he starts to have a bad dream.  He sighs in his sleep, but doesn’t wake.  Steve starts to doze at ten of four.  He figures ten minutes will at the very least get him to the airport.  Bucky wakes a four and goes to hop in the shower, but not before kissing, a still sleeping, Steve on the temple.

 

“I love you,” Bucky says before heading into the shower.

 

He gets out and Steve’s still sleeping.  He hates to wake him, but he has to.  He wakes with a bit of a start, so Bucky kisses him softly.  Then he tells him he better get a move on if he wants to be to the airport on time.

 

They arrive to find Wanda, Sharon and the pilot all waiting for them.  Steve knows he’s going to be in for it with the girls once they’re on the plane.  He only hopes the fact that Bucky’s beaming and snuggling into him will help his cause. They take their seats and Bucky sits away from him for as long as the fasten seat belts sign is on.  As soon as it’s off he’s maneuvering Steve so they can cuddle on the couch in the plane.  Steve lets out a small sigh of happiness when they’re finally settled.

 

“You okay there, Captain?”

 

“Now I am.  Love you.”

 

“Okay, what’s wrong?”  


“Just missed you like crazy. I really am sorry, Buck.  I tried to call at one point.  Reception was shit.  And there was always someone around.  Which is another reason I’m out.  If they don’t trust me.  I’m done.”

 

“Hey, relax.  I’m okay.  We’re okay.”

 

“I know.  Think it’s the lack of sleep talking.”

 

“You were asleep when I woke up.  When did you fall asleep?”

 

“I was gonna take a ten-minute power nap.  Turned into a bit longer.”

 

“I’m gonna throw up,” Wanda says cutting in.

 

“Let the old man sleep, Wanda.  We can tell Aunt Peggy he didn’t call Bucky the whole time he was gone she’ll take care of it.  She always made sure to get in touch with Uncle Daniel when she was in the field.”

 

Steve won’t admit it but that stings, no it down right hurts.  Bucky kisses him and whispers to him to ignore them.  He tells him he really does get it.  Then he shifts so Steve’s head is in his lap and he’s running his fingers through his hair, leaning down to kiss him softly every now and then.  Steve’s asleep in no time.  But he sleeps light so he hears what the girls and Bucky talk about.

 

“Guys can you not get involved this time.  Please.  I know you love me.  I know you’re pissed on my behalf.  But he doesn’t need Peggy giving him crap because of our relationship.  And yeah Sharon I know you think, but it’s me and Peggy adores me because you do.  But she’s not going to be meeting me as your friend this time.”

 

“You’re going let this slide?  You were so bad you were going to check into the hospital,” Wanda says exasperated.

 

“He’s quitting SHIELD.”

 

“Oh he may have every intention of quitting but come on, they’re not going to let him go.  Fury will get Hawkeye and Black Widow to get him back in line.  You know it and I know it.”

 

“What I know is Nat wants him happy.  She knows I make him happy.  Clint too.  Plus, Tony doesn’t trust Fury as far as he can throw him, which as Iron Man is far.  So he’d have Tony in his corner.  That carries a lot of clout.”

 

“He’s got a point Shar.  He could say he’s gonna focus on training the Avengers and trying to recruit new members.  And isn’t Peggy always saying once Steve gets an idea in his head you can’t get it out.  That’s how the Commandos got saved isn’t it?”

 

“Okay fine.  Maybe you two are right.  I’ll keep my mouth shut.  She’ll probably figure it out anyway.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You know, Bucky I don’t think your boy’s sleeping at all,” Wanda says.

 

“He’s a light sleeper,” Bucky whispers to him to relax, and just sleep. He’s got him.  To his surprise Steve settles even more.

 

The rest of the flight passes in silence Bucky makes sure to keep running his fingers through Steve’s hair.  Steve tosses a bit in his sleep when they hit a bit of hard turbulence.  Bucky kisses his temple.  He cries out a bit too.  Sharon and Wanda look over with arched brows.

 

“He all right?”

 

“Yeah.  I shouldn’t have made him sleep.  I wasn’t thinking.”

 

“I’m okay.  Sorry guys,” Steve says waking up and shifting so he’s resting his head against Bucky’s shoulder.

 

“How long was I out for?”

 

“About forty-five minutes.  Come with me,” Bucky says taking his hand and leading him to the back of the plane.

 

“Please don’t tell me you two are going to join the mile-high club.”

 

“Shut it Wanda,” Sharon snaps.

 

“Woah, what?”

 

“Plane over water.  Think about it.”

 

Bucky ignores the two to them and sits Steve in one of the seats in the back and then he climbs into his lap.  He kisses him and runs his fingers up under Steve’s shirt.  Steve pulls away and gives him a look.

 

“What does sir need?”  Bucky asks so only he can hear.

 

“Oh, sweet boy, I’m fine really.  Especially now,” Steve says keeping his voice low,

 

“I wouldn’t be opposed to taking Wanda’s suggestion you know.”

 

“No.  I really am okay now.  And I needed the sleep.  You were wonderful though.  Kept me here.  Don’t you dare think you did the wrong thing.  You were perfect.  I love you.”

 

“Sir,” Bucky says quietly, voice full of emotion.  He kisses Steve soundly.

 

“You okay, Buck?”

 

Before Bucky can respond the pilot lets them know they’re going to be landing soon.  Steve and Bucky untangle themselves and head back up to their original seats.  Steve grabs Bucky’s hand when they start to land.  Like Steve does for him when he needs comfort, Bucky runs his thumbs over his knuckles.  Steve’s hold loosens a bit but he doesn’t let go.  Bucky ignores the looks the girls are probably giving them.

 

They grab their luggage and head to the hotel, which Tony’s also taken care of.  Of course they have two penthouse suites at the swankiest hotel he could get close to Peggy.  Steve’s surprised to find Fury waiting for them when they arrive.  He’s not happy with the way he just dismisses Bucky.  Bucky though, takes it in stride and doesn’t flip Fury off until he’s through the door.

 

“Kid, need a minute with the Captain.  Do you mind?”  Fury says when Bucky plops himself down on the couch.

 

“Steve’s got a phone call to make to Falcon.  Avengers business.  I’m pretty sure that out ranks even you.”

 

“I don’t… oh right that matter I told him I’d call him about.  Excuse me Nick.  Bucky be nice.”

 

“Yes, sir, Captain America, sir,” Bucky sticks his tongue out.  Steve just shakes his head and chuckles.

 

“He’s got responsibilities you couldn’t understand, you know.”

 

“What I know is he needs me.  And I’m not going anywhere unless _he_ asks me to.  Let me explain something to you Director Fury.  You keep treating him like a puppet on a string, to use his phrase.  You and everyone like you seem to forget that under that uniform is a person.  And like every one he has a breaking point.”

 

Fury doesn’t say anything, just turns and looks out the window.  Bucky decides to go check out the rest of the suite.  He’s in the kitchen when Steve comes back into the living room.  When Fury asks him what’s wrong Steve doesn’t reply but then Bucky hears the door open and close with a ‘what do you know the kid might be right’.  Before he can get into the room Steve’s coming into the kitchen wrapping himself around Bucky from behind.

 

“Steve?”

 

“Can we go…”

 

“What does sir need?”  Bucky asks again, like he did on the plane.

 

“You.  I need you.”

 

Bucky puts down the tray he’d picked up and leads Steve into the bedroom.  He drops to his knees and is surprised when Steve picks him up and leads him over to the bed to cuddle.  Bucky expects Steve to want to hold him.  He’s surprised when he asks Bucky to lay down first and then settles so Bucky’s holding him.

 

“Sorry,” Steve says quietly.

 

“Let’s see, you’ve been going nonstop for a month.  We had a fight.  You had to fly down here.  It’s understandable you need a recharge.”

 

“God, I love you.”

“Love you too.  Get some sleep.  I’ll stay right here,”

 

“Run your fingers through my hair till I fall asleep.” Bucky chuckles at the tone, but does as he asks.  He wonders if Steve realizes he made it sound like an order.

 

Steve sleeps for a few hours.  Bucky’s pretty sure he actually sleeps soundly.  He runs his fingers through his hair for a while even after he’s fallen asleep.  When he wakes he seems a little better, but still not a hundred percent.  Bucky tries to get him to stay in bed a bit longer but he explains he’s got a meeting with Fury and Nat at SHIELD HQ.

 

“Steve.”

 

“I’ll be back in half an hour tops.  Nat’s gonna offer to take over my team.  Which leaves me to help Tony recruit new Avengers.  Which means New York becomes home base permanently, unless we’ve got to be sent in.  Buck, half an hour I promise.  When I get back we’ll grab the girls and go to dinner.”

 

“All right.”

 

Steve’s back in twenty-five minutes.  When he opens the door Bucky takes a step back.  He’s more pissed than he’s ever seen him in their short time together.  Nat’s behind him and she doesn’t look any happier.  Bucky grabs his jacket and tells him that he and the girls are gonna grab pizza and have it in their room.

 

“I promised you dinner.”

 

“I know; we can go tomorrow.  You go ahead and decompress with Nat.  Steve, it’s fine.  Honestly.  We’re good.”

 

“Okay.  Sorry.”

 

“Shut up, punk.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, jerk.  Hey, save me a slice or two?”

 

“Of course.  Love you.”

 

“Love you too,” Steve says with a kiss.

 

“Bucky, I’ll walk you out.” Natasha says.

 

“Sure.”

 

“I just wanted to thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“What you just did back there.  You got him to relax a bit.”

 

“No problem.  See you.”

 

When Bucky gets back Steve’s in their living room watching some documentary.  He says hello and Steve just waves.  He goes into the kitchen and grabs a plate for the pizza then he goes back into the living room.  It’s then Bucky sees what the documentary’s on.  He sets the pizza on the coffee table then shifts so he can get Steve in front of him, with his back against his chest.

 

“You know, there are those who would say watching a documentary about yourself is terribly narcissistic.”  Steve says nothing so Bucky continues.  “Okay so you’re taking a page out of Stark’s book.  Got it.  It’s fine I don’t…. Ok we are not watching this garbage if they’re going to lie about you,” Bucky says changing the channel.  He finds _Father Goose_ on and leaves it there.  It’s more than half done but it makes for good background noise.

 

“I’m going for…. Did you get me my own pizza?”

 

“I did.”

 

“Thanks.  I’m gonna go for a run.  See if I can shake this off.”

 

“Okay.  Hey, bring your phone, text me when you’re about ten minutes out.  I’ll stick the pizza in the oven to warm it.”

 

“You’re not gonna ask if I want company?”

 

“Steve, I’ve dealt with enough of my own shit to know that’s not gonna help.  You go run.  I’ll just hang here.  If I get bored I’ll go hang with the girls,” Steve kisses him and whispers ‘thank you’ into his lips.

 

Steve’s gone over an hour and he still hasn’t texted.  Bucky tries not to worry.  He’s more than capable of taking care of himself, at least that’s what Bucky tells himself.  One hour turns into two and he finds himself toying with the idea of asking for a check in.  Instead he goes to hang out with Sharon and Wanda.

 

They’re almost through _The Breakfast Club_ when Steve finally sends the text. He runs back to their room and gets the pizza ready.  When Steve gets back he seems much better.  He kisses Bucky and then goes to take a shower.  When he comes out it seems to Bucky like he’s back to his normal self.

 

“Went to see Sam.  I didn’t really how late it had gotten.  Sorry.  I should have called to say I was going to be late.”

 

“Did you eat?”

 

“Nope.  Drank though.  Not like it’s gonna do anything anyway.  You want some?”  Steve asks downing the first slice in three bites.

 

“I’m good.” He says with a chuckle.

 

The rest of the night they watch movies and just cuddle on the couch.  Bucky feels like they’re back on track.  When he tells Steve as much he gets kisses.  Bucky’s laughing into them by the time Steve stops.  They go to bed wrapped around each other.

 

The next morning Bucky dresses in his suit.  He figures if he looks professional everyone at the Smithsonian will take him more seriously.  He has a copy of his proposal and all the mock ups.  He’s gone over what he’s going to say in his head more than a dozen times.  He’s rocking on the balls of his feet when Steve comes out of the bedroom ready to go. 

 

“Hey, relax.  I’m gonna fix everything.  Oh text Sharon for me, would you.  Tell her we’ll meet her at Peg’s in about an hour.”

 

“She said okay,” Steve kisses him then drags him out the door.

 

Things at the Smithsonian go surprisingly smooth with Steve there.  Tracey’s boss is impressed with all Bucky has planned.  He takes him into the vault they have for Steve’s things and tells him to feel free to choose things for the museum.  He even lets him know which items they’d like to wait to loan him, as they’re going to be changing a few of the exhibits.  In exchange for those he tells him they’ll send him any items he wants from the current ones on display.  By the time they leave Bucky’s got the exhibits all set for opening. 

 

“Jason, I can’t thank you enough for helping James set everything up.  I’d like you to set up a regular exchange of items.  I’m thinking when you change things out we can just move the exhibits up to New York.  I’m not overstepping am I, James?”  Steve asks, Bucky notes he’s using the Captain America tone.  He thinks of sad things.  Really sad things.

 

“No.  Not at all, whatever you’d like to do is fine.  I can make the schedules work.”

 

“Great.  Jason, does that work for you?”

 

“Of course Captain Rogers.  Here, James take my card.”

 

“Thank you,” Bucky says handing him one of his own.  Steve arches a brow.  Bucky just smiles.

 

“One more thing, Jason.  I’d like you to handle the transfers personally”

 

“Of course.  I’ll have the first set of paperwork drawn up and faxed to you by the end of the week,” they all shake hands and that’s that. 

 

When they get to the car Bucky whoops.  He’s still trying to think sad things but he’s so happy it’s not working.  He starts to worry he’s going to meet Peggy with a raging hard on.  He wants to die.  Steve laughs at him.

 

“It’s not funny.  You called me James and used the tone.  Don’t even pretend you don’t know what you did.”

 

“If you’re a very good boy while we visit Peggy I promise to give you something extra special when we get back to the hotel.  How does that sound?”

 

“I’ll be good, sir.”

 

“I know you will, sweet boy.”

 

The visit with Peggy, like the trip to the Smithsonian, goes better than Bucky expected.  Peggy’s having one of her really good days.  She’s over the moon that he’s the one who’s making Steve so happy.  She kicks everyone else out and sits with Bucky for over an hour comparing notes.  Then she makes Wanda come in and chats with both of them about how Steve and Sharon are special and should be cherished.  They both nod their agreements.  He wouldn’t be surprised he tells Steve and Sharon the same thing when she calls them in.  Sharon comes out and hugs Bucky.  She thanks him for being so wonderful.  He just waves her off.  Sharon and Wanda head for lunch while he waits for Steve.  When Steve comes out they head for lunch themselves.

 

The rest of the day they spend with the girls and then Steve takes them all out to dinner.  When they get back to the hotel Bucky collapses on the sofa.  Steve kisses the top of his head and reminds him they leave in the morning.  Bucky mumbles something and is soon sound asleep.  Steve shakes his head and picks him up.  He gets him into bed, managing to get his suit off and then climbs in as well.

 

“Sir?” Bucky asks more than half asleep.

 

“Sh, go back to sleep.  We’re leaving at six again.”

 

“Are you going to be okay?”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Steve says kissing him softly.  Bucky opts to believe him.

 

They arrive home and everyone goes their separate ways.  Steve expects Bucky to want to come to his place but he opts to go to the museum instead.  He’s still there at six in the evening when Steve shows up with dinner.  From the looks of him Steve’s pretty sure he didn’t stop to have lunch.  He fights him on dinner.

 

“Buck, I know you want to have things ready, but you’ve got to eat.  Just stop for half an hour all right.  Then I promise I’ll go.  I missed you.”

 

“Steve, I’ve got to finish this.  Thanks for dinner just leave it.  I’ll eat in a bit.”

 

“No, you’ll eat now,” Steve says.  That makes Bucky stop and actually look up from what he’s been doing.

 

“Sit down at your desk.”

 

“Steve…”

 

“I said sit, Bucky,” he does as he’s told.  He eats his dinner quickly and gets back to work.  Steve would be angry, but after the last month he figures he really doesn’t have any room to be.

 

“Hey, just promise me I’m not going to find you asleep down here.”

 

“I’ll be up in a little while, promise.”

 

Bucky comes up around ten to find the apartment dark.  He doesn’t remember hearing Steve leave, but he’s been so wrapped up in getting things started he might have missed it.  He opens the bedroom door to find Steve sitting in bed sketching.  His insides do a weird fluttery thing and he swallows.

 

“You stayed.”

 

“I did.  Get enough done?”

 

“I think so.  I’m sorry about tonight.  I just had all these ideas in my head I wanted to get down.  You can punish me if you want.”

 

“Nope.  Come to bed and tell me about it though.”

 

Bucky gapes at him for a good five minutes.  He thought he was past the not realizing Steve isn’t like every other guy he’s been with and then Steve goes and does something like this.  He gets undressed slowly. 

 

“You sure you don’t want…” Steve kisses him.

 

“I’m not mad about tonight.  I just… you’ve got to eat.  If I bring you dinner, you have to stop what you’re doing, once you’ve completed your thought and come have dinner with me.  It’s part of the whole taking care of you thing.”

 

“Okay, sir.  Thank you.”

 

“So come on, tell me,” Steve says and he sounds genuinely excited.

 

Bucky does.  He tells him what he’s planned for when everyone first comes into the museum.  He tells him how he’s going to expand the Brooklyn section from before the serum.  Steve makes sure to interject his thoughts on it.  By the time they’re ready to go to bed Bucky’s too excited to sleep so Steve gives him a massage to relax him.  It of course turns into something more and soon Bucky’s moaning Steve’s name as he comes.

 

The next few weeks go like this.  On the weekends Bucky makes a point of going to Steve’s but for the most part he’s so busy getting the museum ready they don’t really see each other during the week.  It’s during the final week before the opening that Steve shows up one day around lunch time.  He’s got a huge package with him.  He sets it on the table in Bucky’s office and has him come open it.  Bucky looks from the package to him and back again at least ten times.

 

Inside is what started this crazy journey of his.  His paper is now blown up in panels for different points in the museum.  On separate panels are quotes from it.  Bucky can’t help it he starts to cry.  Steve hugs him and tells him he loves him.  Tells him he got the idea from Tony and thought that just this once maybe Stark was on to something.  That’s not the best part of the package though, because under all the panels is a key, a key to Steve’s.  Bucky feels like the luckiest guy in the world.  The one thing he’s always wanted is becoming a reality, and he’s got the man of his dreams to share it with. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a very big thank you to [frostbitebakery](frostbitebakery.tuimblr.com) for all of the encouragement.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it moves really fast... it's intentional. I promise there's a method to what seems like madness. 
> 
> Come visit me on tumblr: [punkandjerkmeaniloveyou](punkandjerkmeaniloveyou.timblr.com)


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